Sunday, October 15, 2017

Sex and Sobriety

Well, sex is the object of my blog today. Sex is non-existent in my life so far in the past few years of sobriety. Why? I guess part of it is I don't go to bars on Friday and Saturday nights looking for sex. I never did even when I drank. I might be old-fashioned in the way I think about casual sex also. I seem to need to love someone before I have sex. The act of sex can be an addiction they say, but my sex drive is nill. I just try to get through the day at some times sober, as that is a feat in itself. However, I think I want love not really the sex part. Of course, with love comes sex, and I guess that is what I am holding out for. I find that I am guilty of liking those women that are outwardly pretty but in most cases, they are rude as hell if they are as sexy as I think they are. Being sober really makes you look and think hard about the sex question. Iknow a lot of people in AA go to meet and find a casual sex partner in group meetings but I don't think that is a good idea for me as I have tried this and she was still very mentally sick. Oh well, when the time comes for me to meet the one God will point her out and I will go from there. Have a good day. Chris

Friday, October 13, 2017

Sober and Working

I have not updated my blog in a while, and it is because I have been working so much. It's like going to an AA meeting when you work 13 hr. Days, it is hard to get motivated to go. I still try to make the Saturday meetings in Midland, Texas. However, I am very busy on the weekends also. I know that AA has helped me stay sober, but in reality, it is my spiritual strength with God that keeps me sober as well. I have to watch out, because of what they say in AA, like when things get good and you back away from meetings is when you are looking for trouble. I wonder sometimes if what I hear in AA is a type of brainwashing because I have not had the urge to drink since I am so busy. I don't know but I have been sober for almost 9 years. I will write more on this weekend, got to head out. Chris

Monday, September 18, 2017

Living For Today Sober

Sometimes I get my head all confused about what I am going to be doing a few days or months ahead of myself, and I get real nervous. This is not good for your health but living for the day you are in is a good way for living. You can take daily living for what it is. You wake up , start your day with questions or prayers and then if you work you go and do the work that is assigned to you. Sounds pretty cut and dry, but what about other people that are in your life at work and at home. You have to deal with traffic and your car, also Dr. appointments and other things that go along with plain old living. Then you have the occasional surprises the good and the bad, and you learn how to deal with these once they come up.

Living day to day is not easy, for anyone, if you think about it. However if you do just a little bit of pre planning it can be a fun and enthusiastic day for you. My days vary with work as a technician and I run into many mechanical problems that I have to guess the right answer, and hopefully the product will function, it is stressful as I make it . I try to make a game of it and I have kept this job for over 2 months with no problems from my boss or others. So I must be doing something right? I work by myself with the aid of a computer in hand to tell me what to do for the day. The computer is my boss and it keeps track of me and my times, I have done well with this job and that bothers me at times. I have stayed sober for almost 9 years now, and that has been easy but the drink thinking does come to my mind at times when things go wrong. I go to AA however , this does not keep me sober. What keeps me sober is remembering my last drunk and how bad I felt. That was very bad and I was very sick. I never want to be that way again in my living life. So day to day living can be hell sometimes, but the alternative is not an answer to my living a full day of ups and downs. God Bless Chris

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Darkness for the Alcoholic and Drug User

I have been very busy at work and loving my job. I am making good money, probably the best I have ever made. No problems with my boss or anything, able to afford to buy a new car. I have everything, sobriety, a new car , a life. What happened. I was tempted last night to start smoking pot .

So why would I start smoking pot when all is going good? I did not think about the negative or darkness that I might be putting myself into again, its has been almost 9 years now with no drinking or drugs, then on a Saturday night, I get the urge to smoke pot. I found a person on CL and i went to meet him with 140.00 in cash to buy some Hydro Pot. I meet with this guy I don't know and he jumps in my new car and I give him the money and he dispersal
..lol He fucking ran off with my cash. Was I mad , no. That was weird, this guy just took my cash and hauled ass. I actually thought that I was buying from a guy that needed to get rid of what he had and went to his car to get my drug. I waited only 20 minutes and texted him and never heard back. I told him I guess you borrowed my money, No answer..I am glad he stole from me last night, I am not mad at what he did or mad at myself, I am just glad he needed this cash more than I needed the pot. God was watching out for me and the darkness.

Sounds stupid I know but I awoke feeling like I got high last night, but it was guilt that I actually was going to go through the hell I put myself through 9 years ago, not even thinking about ifI got caught by the police. I would of lost my job, my family would of been crushed, and the darkness would become real.

The lesson for me here, is I want the light that I live right now, AA will not keep you sober but it might help. Only I can keep Chris sober, and my relationship to God. I was blessed that I got spanked for trying to buy pot last night by having a piece of me , my money taken from me. The story of when things get going good you better watch out, is so very true. That is what happened, my life is going good and i wanted to taste the bud again in my mouth and nose. I love the smell of pot , always will, but it casued me problems and I don't need the problems. The kid did me a favor by taking my money and not returning. I feel stupid of course, but I have enough money that it did not hurt me that bad, which is good so in the long run, I did not go to jail , for having drugs and i did not screw up my sobriety. I have to be careful. I need to find a NA group maybe today. Oh well thought I would mention this for my blog. Have a God Filled sober day! Chris

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

God Loves You, Just Have To Believe, and Believe Can be Hard

To live a sober life and be productive is a challenge in itself. I don't know when I have felt so good in my life these last four months, and pray I do. I have not changed my prayers but I live with my prayers and don't expect anything in return and I'll be damned if God throws me a curve ball and what seemed doomed turns out ok. I have mentioned this many times and I have lived this many times. I think what I am trying to say is , if you really want something you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself and God it is time for a change please be with me. That is what I did 4 weeks ago and one miracle after another keeps happening. I deal with problems in a calm way, I dont stress at night or sweat the small stuff. Life has been good for me the last eight years, but I have to be careful cause I start to think well a drink sure sounds good about now. I have to say to myself I would not be in this good of a situation if I started drinking. Drinking has a lot to do with how we process our thoughts and actions. When sober for a period of time and a hold on reality for a change, I became to realize that God was running all these peoples lives in AA that wanted to stay sober . You can hear it in thier words. Words really express how one is at the moment. They can change your life if you use better and encouragement words in every way and every body. Do something for some one else, this helps as well. Good night. God Bless, He has me on a high and I don't want it to end.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

All is Good in Sobriety

It has been some time since I have posted anything, I have been too busy with my new job and traveling almost every day. Yes I even travel by plane with my work. I have beat my fear of flying sober. That is one of several miracles that has happened to me in recent weeks. I truly believe that if you follow what you think Gods plan is for you and live this plan sober , that miracles will come true. I have talked about it and lived these miracles for about eight years ow, and because I am sober I am able to remember them and tell them to you.

My higher power is God and he listens to me and answers me when its his time not mine. I am very happy right now making a goood income and living a good life. Staying sober in the months I did not have a job I stayed busy doing things that led up to me getting my job. I woke up early and looked for work just like I had a job and several weeks later i landed a good paying and family business position that I am comfortable with finally. It is not easy but it is a challenge and God challeges me every day. You have to keep an open mind and say Yes I can do this. Even when in doubt, the fear goes away when you hand this over to God. Have a blessed day. Chris

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Alcoholic? The Sinclair Method may be for You

I have to admit that The Sinclair Method has a very high percentage of sober alcoholics using thier system of taking  Naltraxone and then an hour later going out to drink. My viewpoint is I have learned the old fashioned  way of AA and I am brain washed into the teachings and what I know about AA, that I am not sure about The Sinclair Method for me. Like so many people who come to detox at a treatment center , there is a underlying problem with each and every one of us. Whether  this be depression or anxiety or some type of family issue such as divorce and these are reasons we drink at times. Not too many alcoholics drink for the taste after having several drinks in one sit down. Yes, the first drink of a beer was good, but to be honest , I got to the point I liked the feeling of what the alcohol was doing for me, not the taste of the beer. I would usually light up a joint and smoke that and enjoy the high off of that for a while then drink some more.

So where in this Sinclair Method are they going to combine a guy like me that liked pills and , pot , and drinking? That is the mystery and trouble with this method. Now if I was to relapse I would consider The Sinclair Method , if I got out of control, but I would still go back to smoking grass also and I am not sure how Naltrexone will help with the weed I smoked. Granted I have taken Naltrexone for recovery and it was taken at night and I slept like a baby, and woke up feeling pretty good, so I am sure the medicine does what it is intended. If you have multiple addictions is where I see the problem with this form of treatment, but I also see hope for those who use to drink , so it is a double edged sword.

Treatment centers are now putting disclaimers on their  websites as to why they are not using ,"The Sinclair Method", and I think that is fucking funny. They don't want to lose the thousands of dollars they get for a 30 day program from each drunk that passes the doors , that usually does not work the first time. How would it be to lose all these treatment centers and their  coverage  from insurance companies , it would be a blow to their   financial loss.

Therefor  , could it be that AA and the Treatment centers want to discount the theory and facts that The Sinclair Method might just be the answer to most alcoholics  problems? The Big Book of AA was written and has four or five revisions since it's first writing. Could this book become dust on the book shelves? Don't jump too fast because the program does work for some of us, as we were brain washed into this is how best to live life. I have to admit , life with AA is a good life, but is it the only way with so few getting sober from AA and the treatment centers that charge you a Ferrari  to enter their 30 day intensive program that may not work for you? I have heard numbers like 7- 10 % of people that go to these 30 day programs ever stay sober and that is a high percentage rate, but very disgusting and financially  hard on the patient and the family.

If I were not sober right now, I would want the Sinclair Method and this is because of the high success rates they have and the non-obtrusive  alternative that I now live. I live a good life but granted AA may just become a thing of the past and the 12 steps are a good program for anyone, that is living, whether addicted  or not. It is spiritual program.I have only one complaint on Dr. Bob and his first reaction to noticing a spiritual light that came into his life known as a God insight. He was on Belladonna at a nut house when he made the statement that he saw the light and the light changed his thinking about drinking and a God concept. Belladonna, fo those who do not know is a hallucinogen and man you can see  lots of things on this bad ass drug. Just saying...Chris 7/19/17

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Negativity and Living Life Sober

That thing is this:
 
Not all things that people may say or think are really about you.
 
If someone is pretty much always negative about what other people do or
someone sometimes make personal attacks and let the destructive words flow
then - when such things are aimed at you - remember that it isn't always about
you.
 
Such words or negative habits can be a way for that person to release pent up
anger, frustration or jealousy about something in his or her own life. 
 
Or a way to reinforce that his or her viewpoint or belief is the right one. 
 
Or he or she may have a habit of getting others involved emotionally - baiting
them - to build a negative spiral, an argument or fight to get attention. 
 
It's about him or her. Not about something you did or want to do. 
 
You may just have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
 
I have found that it can have a calming effect to remember this. And to remember
that the other person is still human and might be having a bad day, month,
marriage or job.
 
This doesn't mean that all criticism you may get is about the other person. Think
about what people tell you and ask yourself if there is something in what they say
that you can take to heart and perhaps work on.
 
Just don't make the mistake of thinking that all criticism or verbal attacks you get
is always about you. That will only tear you and your days apart and create
misery in your life. Taken from a positive email I got today. Chris
 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

The Sinclair Method VS Alcoholics Anonymous

I was searching for a topic today and I found the Sinclair method of approach to drinking too much alcohol. I think it is a good approach to the alternative of AA. You decide what you think. Here is a few words about what The Sinclair Method is:

The Sinclair Method (TSM) uses the nervous system’s own mechanism, called “extinction”, for gradually removing the interest in alcohol and the behaviors involved in alcohol drinking. Therefore, the technical term for TSM is “pharmacological extinction.”

The key scientific discovery underlying the treatment was that, contrary to earlier beliefs, detoxification and alcohol deprivation do not stop alcohol craving but in fact increase subsequent alcohol drinking[1],[2]. The old idea that alcoholism is caused by physiological dependence on alcohol, therefore, needed to be discarded, and a new understanding of alcoholism developed.

Subsequent research showed that alcohol drinking is a learned behavior [3]. Some individuals, partly for genetic reasons, get so much reinforcement each time they drink, and have so many opportunities to drink and get reinforcement, that the behavior becomes too strong. They cannot always control their drinking; they cannot “just say ‘no’.”  And society calls them alcoholics.
Laboratory studies indicated that in most cases, the reinforcement from alcohol involved the opioid system, i.e., the same system where morphine, heroin, and endorphin produce their effects.[4]

The brain has two primary mechanisms for changing its own wiring on the basis of experience.  First, there is learning for strengthening behaviors that provide reinforcement.  Second, there is extinction for removing behaviors that no longer produce reinforcement.  The best known example involves Pavlov’s dogs that learned to salivate to the sound of a bell when the bell was followed by food, but then had the learned behavior extinguished when the food reinforcement was no longer given after the bell was rung.

Certain medicines, such as naltrexone, naloxone and nalmefene, block the effects of endorphin and other opiates. I reasoned that if alcohol is drunk while one of these opioid antagonists is blocking endorphin reinforcement in the brain, the extinction mechanism would be activated, and it would then produce a small but permanent decrement in alcohol drinking and craving. The next day, the person would be slightly less interested in alcohol. Eventually control would be regained, and the person would no longer be an alcoholic; indeed, they no longer would be interested in alcohol[5].
The Sinclair Method was confirmed, first in a large body of laboratory studies[6], then in over 90 clinical trials around the world[7],[8],[9], and most recently in personal reports by people using it[10]. It has been found to be successful in about 80% of alcoholics.  This is very high for alcoholism treatment, but the treatment is not for everyone: some people apparently have a different form of alcoholism that does not involve the opioid system and cannot be treated effectively with opioid antagonists.

The Sinclair Method is simply taking an opioid antagonist before drinking. Naltrexone, naloxone, and nalmefene are not substitution drugs similar to methadone for heroin addiction or Nicorettes™ for nicotine addiction. The opioid antagonists are not addictive, and they do not directly reduce craving for alcohol.  And unlike disulfiram, the opioid antagonists do not produce an unpleasant aversive effect. Indeed, the opioid antagonists do not do anything until after endorphin has been released. Then the mechanism of extinction is triggered, and the extinction mechanism in turn progressively but permanently removes the neural cause for excessive drinking.John David Sinclair, Ph.D., Researcher Emeritus

Interesting study , as I have taken Naltraxone from my psychiatrist and I have to admit my craving for alcohol did not exist. I think it is good to look at alternative treatments. Please comment. Thank You Chris

Friday, July 7, 2017

Grateful For What God Has So Freely Given Me

It is easy for me to get lost in my problems with life and forget to be grateful for those things in which God has given me. It is easy to get lost in the confusion of the day and realize that I am sober from alcohol and drugs and should be grateful that God has given me the strength to carry forward in this life. I am grateful to be able to type this at 8:00 AM on Friday morning because eight years ago I sure would of not been doing this blog. I was always hung over and to combat the hangover I would smoke a joint upon waking then the cycle of the addiction would take over my day.

I believe we all have all sorts of issues we have to deal with on a daily basis. The best way I prepare for the next day is to not expect that I will have another next day, I give it to God in prayer at night and ask him to do for me what I can't do for myself and to guide me , that is about it. Upon waking the next morning , surprise phone calls or seeing my dog wag her tail at me in enthusiasm is a wonderful start to a new day. My days are not perfect, and I still have my faults but I am clear headed and make some sense of what I am doing for the most part of the day. I try to help another human being out as often as I can but I forget to do this also, and then it comes natural. Helping another person out takes me out of self and makes me feel useful to this life. I am ever so grateful for God in making me a sober individual that my family wants to be around, and my friends also. This is a blessing, even the computers I have to write this blog are miracles to have considering when I was in my addiction I had no car or anything of materials as I sold most all twice in my life to afford my addiction to alcohol and drugs. I hit bottom so many times , I have lost count, I don't think this will happen again, or i at least pray for this not to be the case for me. Have a grateful Day, Chris

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

July 4th,2017 A Day to Stay Sober

What better thing to do today then to stop drinking alcohol than the 4th of July, 2017? Yeah, I know it is celebration time, however, is there not a day that is celebration time? A person who is not alcoholic does not think this the day to get hammered, but a day to spend with the family and kids . An alcoholic by this time of day has already possibly had the first drink to make it through the morning shakes and jitters. The alcoholic cannot control his drinking because it is a disease like cancer. Until the alcoholic gets true help he will keep up his drinking no matter what you say, because he cannot stop on his own will. You are not to blame for the alcoholic's ways, his brain is wired differently and he just wants you to shut up about his habit and let him live his day, even though deep inside he would like to quit.

So what do you do when you have a loved one that drinks and does not stop drinking. One answer is a treatment center and yes they are free in most cities in the USA. They are not nice like the Betty Ford Clinics, but all treatment centers are the same, they get the alcoholic off the drink for at least a short period of time. The other option is to make the alcoholic leave and not come back, which is hard to do for any one's family but a necessity is to make sure that the alcoholic knows you will not put up with his drinking. If drunk he will complain and leave because he is tired of hearing you bitch about his drinking, but then as most drunks will do , they will call you back sober and tell you they have a plan for not drinking. Beware of this plan , and if does not involve some type of counseling or AA , do not let the alcoholic come home. We alcoholics are quite manipulative and know how to get what we need and want. Most alcoholics are very smart and intelligent working citizens, they are not the bums that you see underneath a bridge in a dark long coat. They will be this person if they do not quit and lose all and get locked up in prison or jail. I have met them all.

Sometimes jail really helps an alcoholic or drug abuser, I don't recommend this but I have seen it work in other cases. It is a drastic way to sober up , and the treatment center is not usually there to help with withdrawals. Many people get busted for DUI and DWI on this weekend, and other weekends as well. You see an alcoholic hass many holidays even though he would not call them this. Drinking socially is not drinking beer after beer for a 12 pack in a couple of hours. Your not drinking for the taste but for the effect it has on you and you enjoy this effect or addicted to the feel good effect.
Today is a great day to start drinking water or soda's and not pick up a beer for just today, then when work comes in the morning you might think of doing the same thing, and if you have a problem with not drinking on the next day call AA and discuss this with someone. You can do this and there is help 24 hours a day with so many of us recovering alcoholics with phones you can talk to. We have lived this life of lies and hurting our families, we know where you have been, don't feel ashamed as you will not surprise us that use to drink. Good Luck Today and have a Happy 4th of July this year 2017. Chris Hyer

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Building Self -Confidence

I found this in my email about building up self confidence and thought it was great. So I will share it with you. Have a blessed day. Chris July 3rd 2017

1. Focus on improving just one thing or habit at a time.
 
Spreading yourself too thin pretty much always leads to failure because life tends
to get in the way.
 
If you have a regular life then you'll probably not have the time and energy to
change three things at once even though you really hope and think you can.
 
2. Find one or a few supportive voices.
 
Your environment at this point in time may contain people who are neutral,
uninterested or discouraging to the change you want to make.
 
A simple thing you can do to counterbalance the influence of those people is
to spend time with people who are supportive and may even have made the
change you want to make.
 
If you do not know any such people in real life or there is not a local club you can
join then add supportive voices from people elsewhere.
 
You can find them in books written last year or 200 years ago. You can find them
on blogs and websites. You can find them in various Facebook groups or in online
forums.
 
This will help you to keep going and to not revert back into your old habit or ways
in a week or two.
 
3. Get the ball rolling by taking one small action today.
 
Don't get lost in daydreams or promises to yourself about getting started with
making this change next week or someday.
 
Instead, ask yourself:
 
What is one small and practical action I can take today to get the ball rolling with
improving this area of my life?

Friday, June 30, 2017

Sobriety and Stress Toys

Ive noticed recently that the marketing media has pushed this year not the iphone versions and the types of television you need to have . Yet the idea that I need to buy a spinner or a Infinity stress cube is one of my answers to stress. Is the whole world just messed up on insanity items. It would seem like sobriety and giving your sobriety to God would be stressful to some I would imagine. These gimmicks give all the indications of how they will help you with your mood and feeling less ADD or give them to your kids and watch them turn them into just what they are, which are mindless toys. I know I had to buy a spinner because I wanted to feel less stress. In my opinion it just keeps my fingers busy. Kind of like typing on a laptop keyboard like I am doing now, keeps me from having idle hands.
I write about the "idle hand ", syndrome for alcoholics in one of my blogs. It basically means that when your hands are idle that you might be in for some trouble with wanting a drink to put in your hands. These toys very well might help with this but other things such as painting art, photography, mowing the grass, are those in which we don't have to spend any money on a gadget that does nothing but keeps are hands from being idle. It seems like everyday , some marketing company comes up with a gadget that will take anxiety away or ADD or add to our memory and I am all for it , but I think it can also be a scam on parents and kids alike. Here are a few pictures

of a couple of these gadgets that are making millions of dollars in the marketplace. Do you have one? If you have a kid , I bet you do. Chris , Have a good July 4th and shoot fireworks but don't blow off your fingers..lol

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

"The Habit" Of Your Life and Mine

I found this in my email and I thought I would share it with those who struggle feeling good during the day at times. I hope you enjoy it. Chris 6/28/2017

The habit?
 
To simply take 2 minutes at the end of your day to appreciate yourself. To think
back and to celebrate the small and bigger positive things you have done today.
 
It could be that you listened to your friend when she really needed to vent today.

Or took the first small step with something you have been procrastinating on for
too long.
 
Or that you got up from the comfy couch and went out for a run or into the gym to
get stronger. It could be that you were kind in a situation where it would have
been so easy to be judgmental and to derive pleasure from that.
 
It could be things you may often take for granted in your everyday life. Like doing
the dishes. Or washing the dirty clothes. Or cooking a healthy and tasty dinner.
 
A few questions that can help you to start finding things to appreciate about
yourself today are:
 
  • What is one small thing I can appreciate about what I have done today?
  • What is one small thing I can appreciate about what I have thought today?
  • How did I add value to one person's life today?
  • What thing that is positive but I usually take for granted did I do today?
 
By making this self-celebration into a very small habit at the end of your day -
perhaps when you are in bed or resting after your dinner or taking a shower after
work - every day you can start to change how you think about yourself and the
things you do.
 
This quick evening habit has helped me to raise my self-esteem and to keep it
steady (even on tough days when things didn't go as I had wished).

It has helped me to build new positive energy within and to up my motivation
for life and for tomorrow.
 
I have also found that after a while as this self-kinder way of thinking becomes
more and more of a habit it will start to seep into the rest of the day too. And that
can help you to react to and handle life's ups and downs in a more constructive
and optimistic way. Staying sober is a good way to live life, god bless..

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Living Sober and "The act of normality"

What is a normal person? This question is one in which I think has several different possibilities. Is an alcoholic a normal person? Could be , depends how you look at society. Society has a lot of people who drink alcohol. If you ask me , I think most people drink alcohol, I just assume this as normal. Also in reality I think there are a lot of problems with these people who continue to drink and their everyday lives. Alcohol, can really taste good but can it really improve yourself? I think it can temporarily make a person think he is better than he is and possibly think he is on top of the world and or some type of God. However that is my perception of the world. Or should I say the USA. The United States probably has more alcoholics than any other country.
Normal is a word for people who appear to have their act together with family, wealth and finances and perfect marriages, which we know is not true. If we were all so called normal then we would have no problems and life would have a lot of rose colored cheeks on peoples faces with big smiles. I don't see that every where, but I do see it at times. To be normal is to be your self , the good and the bad, hopefully the bad will go away if you want it to or will it to.

In the dictionary "Normal" means, " conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.", so I guess I am normal and maybe you are also. We just have problems which are normal as well. 

Some people are above the normal state , in money and in their living habits, we all want something we don't have. Try to be happy with your normaily and being a recovering alcoholic is perfectly a normal state of being.Chris 

Monday, June 12, 2017

Service Work For AA Chair a Meeting

I have been volunteered to chair meetings for my home group in Midland, Texas for Monday nights. I use to chair quite a bit back a few years ago, and I have time to do it now. It is always interesting to see who comes to my meetings and how a short topic can sometimes draw such a large response. There are some who come in that have never been to a AA meeting and you have to make them feel welcome, and I try to do this, but then their are the regular ones that show up every night we have meetings, and then there are the court appointed people that come because they have to..It is always a little strange taking the lead of a AA meeting because all eyes are on you. Some look up to you others judge you , and that is just life. I am not much of a talker except when it comes to the solution and I can't quote phrases from the Big Book, but I don't give a damn. I am not that hard core into memorizing something that I carry on me into meetings. It does give me something useful to do on a Monday night so be it. I will run a discussion group talking about anything alcohol or drug related, and I will gritt my teeth and wish I was not there at times. It is all about being a par tof the solution so if you get a chance , chair a meeting every once in a while. I have changed a few people thoughts and they recognize me at other meetings and this is the big pay off for me. I actually help some people out , and that is what AA and staying sober , doing service work is all about. Chris

Friday, June 9, 2017

Sobriety and The Family

Well, I celebrated with my AA friends and my family my eight years of sobriety the other night at my AA group. It was nice, and words when I spoke just seem to come from the spirit inside me out to those in attendance. It was a a good night as my mother came to this event. There was a older fellow there who had 22 years of sobriety , which made it even better. The family suffers from the turmoil and crap you or I put them through in the years when I was in my addiction. When they have seen you have some consistency with being sober, it just becomes normal for them, as they do not know how you might be struggling with living sober now. That is why I go to AA, is how to learn life on life's terms not mine. To live a life where God is the only way and direction to head. Follow what the spirit of God tells you to do and try to stay on track during the day and things will go better.

The family is grateful that you are sober when you get some time behind your belt. They laugh with you and most of the time the past will stay in the past. However , this is not always true. The reason for going to AA is for dealing with these issues in which we cannot get away from in our past and to live in the now, or present.The family will become more and more trusting as time goes by day from day, it does take a while for them to come around, but eventually they see my changes and then treat me accordingly to these positive new mental attitudes I may now have in life. I get a little bit crazy sometimes and lonely because I am a recovering alcoholic, but that just means I am not doing something constructive with my time or I need a meeting or to talk with my sponsor about what is bothering me. Use your sponsor , that is what he is there for. Have a great Day. Chris

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Eight Years Sober Birthday Party Tonight

Well I have eight years as of last month and my AA group will be celebrating this tonight at the 12 Step group in Midland Texas at 7:30PM. Please feel free to come if you like, free cake afterwards by my sponsor who always takes care of everything when birthdays are celebrated at the club. I try to think of something different every year to talk about,. Last year i even made notes but I kept repeating myself, so this year I think I will just speak from my heart and will not take more than about 15 minutes, because the way I look at it is it's just one more year without drinking. A no brainer, no struggle with alcohol, just living life is hard enough without the alcohol.

My Mother who will turn 80 this year is showing up minus her husband whom passed away a few weeks ago. I am very proud to have her come see me get this medallion of sobriety. She and I were always at each others throats when I was drinking, I was always disrespectful, and she was right in my face, because i deserved it. Somehow over all these 54 years she has maintained her love and dignity towards me and I must say she is very proud of me for the length of my sobriety and the person I have become. She is one strong and beautiful woman for 80 years old, you would not even think she was this old in looking at her, she is still very youthful.
Back to the basis for this blog , this is my diary and I make no money off this blog, I hope to look
back when I get older and see where I grew and where i did not. Therefor , I write this to myself and you are more than welcome to offer your opinions and ad me to your reading list if you like. Have a Good Day. Chris

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Enjoy Your Kids Sober

I am very blessed with a fine young man that is my son. He does not live with myself , but he is 23 also. He is so very special even from day one. He was and is a quite young man and handsome , he does not smoke or drink , and never has done drugs or even said a cuss word for all I know. Almost incredible , I know. He is my Angel from God , and I do worry about him as he isolates himself because he has Autism or some form of this , and he is a happy guy at least. He lives with his mom and her husband , which I am glad he does, as I worry about his down time. They seem to keep a good eye out for him. He is one of the major reasons I got sober and it was to do with court and my ex wife. But time passes and he grew up with a dad that has always loved him. He never has let me down, which I cannot say about myself. I let my parents down all the time for over thirty years. I only cared about what Chris could get out of them. I was not responsible and even being a sober man of my age , stll have problems with responsibility issues, with a lot of issues in that fact.

AA has helped me get a grip on life, as I don't push AA on people, this is a very private thing , however I do make it known at times, because I want to. I live each day grateful that I have what I do , such as my son. If I had a son that was like me growing up , I could not afford to get him out of trouble like I was. I never hurt anyone on purpose, but that is what alcoholics do, and don't realize, is we hurt the ones we love the most. This thought never even hit my head until I sobered up. My son , thank God, never saw me in a state of being drunk , because I did not want him to see me this way. He was and still to an extent a little bit in awe about what alcohol and drugs have done to me. He ask questions and I tell him the truth. However he loves me and lately I see more of him because he wants to see me. This has recently been the case. He drives over and sometimes we just don't know what to do with each other. We sit in quite and peace and maybe that is what he likes when he comes over. I don't want to bore him, yet I isolate myself pretty good , and I am still working on this. In a town such as Midland , the number one thing to do is go to nightclubs for the single set. I have not even stepped into a bar in over eight years, as I know this is not for me. I stay home and watch TV or get on the computer and browse for sport cars I can't afford. I always stay busy doing something that is beneficial to my brain or just resting on occasion.It is hard to really know what the real normal people do in their lives. I seem to think I might be acting like one now. They don't sit around and drink theirs elves into oblivion like i use to and light up a joint and watch TV. I did this for so many years that eight years of not doing this has thrown me off. I am working at this however, slowly but surely I am regaining a little bit of sense to my life.
God makes sure that we live in the moment, and this is difficult at times and God loves you and me. The future I try to let God inform me, but this is difficult as I am the one who acts on my feelings. I pray and pray, but I am not struggling with a alcohol problem now, it is just a living problem. I guess this is just life.Have a good Night. Chris Hyer

Monday, June 5, 2017

2017 , A Year that Has Been Different

2017, started off on a whim of a year for me. I met a girl on the first day of this year and we dated and it ended as quickly as it started,. So life goes on, but I have had a hard time finding a job I am qualified for, with so many descriptions of what I do , it makes me wonder , how things will turn out. Being alcoholic and staying sober for eight years has been fairly easy , but my life gets a little more crazy at times. I do have a new job so I am thankful , and I plan to stick with it. I guess I feel I am better than the work that I find at times, but for almost 30 years of continuous drinking and smoking pot and then getting sober , what can I say.I celebrate my AA Birthday this week with my friends at the 12 Step group in Midland, Texas, and that is always good. The story pretty much stays the same but the years events always change just like if one was sober, so nothing really new here.

I guess you could say I am very blessed to have both of my parents alive. My brother and sister and I do have a son that I love very much. I have to think of all the good that has happened in my life, and try to forget most of the past or at least know what not to do , so I don't ever have to start over in AA again. This is the longest I have stayed sober ever. I should pat myself on the back. The daily life problems are there , but it is learning how to deal with them which is the trick to staying sober.I hear about all the addictions out on the news and I am glad that I am not dealing with this right now, and very much thank God for what he has given me a second or third chance to make my life better. Have a good day. Chris

Friday, May 19, 2017

Social Anxiety and staying Sober

I found this article in my email and I found it o be true about anxiety and people's perception and reality about anxiety. I hope you enjoy this article. Chris

The Three Steps to Dealing with Social Anxiety

At this point we established that trying to avoid or get rid of the feeling of social anxiety usually backfires. It leads to more social anxiety in the long run and you end up restricting your life and ridding it of all meaning and fun.
So here are three steps (backed up by decades of studies) that actually work:

STEP 1: ACCEPT YOUR ANXIETY

Social anxiety is not the enemy. It’s a feeling. A primal “warning” signal from your body to keep you from danger. Problem is, it was designed to keep you safe from wild animals and falling rocks, not strangers and pretty girls.
So when you notice anxiety coming up, together with all the negative thoughts, feelings, and sensations, sit with it. Don’t push it away, or change it in any way. Instead, let it be there, and really experience what it’s like to feel the fear.
Observe it like a curious scientist, without putting any judgment on it. You don’t have to like the fear, but you can learn to accept and embrace it as it is.
Notice where in your body you can feel it the most. What happens when you take a deep breath? When you hold eye contact with a stranger, does the fear get stronger? Stand up straight and lift your head up. What happens then?
Don’t try to change what you feel. Simply notice what happens. Instead of pushing the anxiety away, observe what’s going on. This trains your mind that anxiety in social situations is not something that needs to be avoided.

STEP 2: DO WHAT YOU DEEPLY CARE ABOUT

We usually feel the most vulnerable and the most anxious in the areas we value most in life.
I’ve never met a socially anxious person who didn’t care about having friends or connecting with people.
Instead of fighting anxiety, let anxiety be your guide towards what you care about most. There’s a good chance that situations where you get the most nervous, are the ones that matter most to you.
Being aware of this makes it easier to face your fears. One question we often ask our coaching clients is:
What are the things that are so important to you that you’re willing to feel anxious or nervous to experience them?
Think about it like this. When you are on your deathbed, do you want to look back on a life where you haven’t felt any anxiety, you never felt awkward, and you were always comfortable — but you also never really went all in, you missed out on parties, and never talked to the attractive stranger on your way home?
The other option is to look back on a life where you often felt nervous, anxious, and insecure — but it was a life filled with adventures, parties, random encounters with strangers, and deep connections.
So take a minute and really reflect on this:
What is so important to experience that you’re willing to feel a little anxious?

STEP 3: CONFRONT YOUR FEAR

This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most important one.
It might mean walking up to a pretty girl. It might mean talking to people you don’t know at a party. Or it might mean smiling at the cashier, asking your boss for a raise, or speaking up at a meeting.
There’s no easy way around it, and there are definitively no shortcuts. Be willing to feel the fear and do what matters most to you.
However, know that you don’t have to start with the scariest scenario. You can create a fear hierarchy, jotting down what scares you, and then start tackling the least scary item (e.g., saying “Hi” to a stranger) and working your way up to scarier tasks (e.g., asking a girl for her number).
The more often you face your fears, the better you’ll get at it.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Sober and What Becomes when We stay Sober

I have a lot on my plate lately, but it has been good and different. Lost my step father, however , I know he is with God. I am
not sad, just motivated to start my life on a new turn.I have been lookig for another job, as the one I have is not what I like to do. I have prayed about this daily and my prayers are coming true. I have had a few consultants call me on jobs that I like to do. Times in Midland are booming again with the oil field picking up and that brings in more business and retail shops, plus high prices.I will take advantage of the time I have and focus on the reality of being sober and alive. At times , I feel really lonely but then I get a glimpse of how lucky and fortunate I have in my life. I am thankful that I am not in a wheel chair , I am thankful I have some money, and food, plus a house that has musical instruments for me to pass the time, and hopefully get better.I have more than I deserve in material things, and yes most of it has been put o credit cards, so work has to continue.I like work and meeting new people, and I like doing certain types of work. Now I have a choice and that makes life a bit easier. However I am sober,and if not for AA and my program I could not feel this way. When a person gets off the beer or whatever, they have plenty of free time, at first . Then after a few years you realize this free time is just not there for drinking. I look back and made my free time available for smoking pot and drinking beer. I did not get much out of it except for misery in the end.

 This misery has stopped eight years ago, however it does get replaced by something called isolation time. This isolation time is not too good either, a little bit is ok. To rest and pray and relax is all good and healthy, but not all day long...lol...I think my age of 54 is starting to slip it's ugly head in, as I know what I want but at times what I want is not what others want . I do miss having a girl to love, I have met one recently in AA and she was a sweetheart , so I thought, then she shut me down like I did not exist, so beware of other alcoholics that you might like to date. We are still sick in a fashion, just not sick from doing the wrong things. God Bless Chris Hit THE FOLLOW BUTTON FOR MORE

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Death In the Family and Sober Living

Well, I have lost my step father yesterday to what I will call old age. He was 81 and a bit over weight and had complications for years. It was not sudden, he had struggled in and out of hospitals for the past year. He was a jolly guy that was a sharp dresser and smart and funny. A real good hearted man that was always nice to my family and very kind.It is hard to find people like this in the world, he was always a giving nature person. He will be missed and for some reason I am not sad of his death, maybe it has not hit me yet. I am happy that his suffering is over , is how I feel. He liked recovering alcoholics,he thought we were good people, and he was pleased with my struggles in life. Like I said he had no mean bone in his body, just a big Teddy Bear and a heart as big as Texas.

How do we deal with death as a sober person? I guess just like we deal with daily living. We pray and remember the good times, and go about our day. Living one day at a time. We don't try to look back in our past and we treasure every moment we are  alive as this is a short life we are given. If staying sober is your thing , you will get more out of life than you bargain for. Sometimes good and sometimes bad, but most of the bad turns good at some point. When drinking it was always bad except when we were drinking and even then reflecting on being drunk it was bad at many times trying to forget the present. God works with each and every one of us in his own way. I pray that you have found your way as I think I am living my way God had intended. God Bless Chris

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Tuesday Sober and Working

Well I made it through my first day on Monday and it was all pretty good. My trainer is a good person and very easy to get along with. He has a great attitude. Today is the real test because I will be doing the job I was hired for and seeing how I like it. I must like it because there is nothing else to do. I think this will work out to be a good job ass I get to travel a little and the only bad part is the waking up at 4:30 AM to get ready to go. But that is a small price to pay in order to have a paying job. I have gotten a little relaxed in the waking up department but today was not bad. It is better to be sober and waking up and doing the things that normal people do. That is what sobriety is all about is waking up to a new day and doing Gods work and trying to do my best for God. I can only do so much but I am heaalthy and I am eager so with these qualities I shoulld be alright. God Bless..Chris

Monday, April 24, 2017

Starting A New Job And Sobriety't

Well it is Monday 4/24/2017 and I am on my new position with a large company where I have travel most of Texas. It should be a good deal as I like to travel and work. However , this is the first day and I don't know exatly how this is all going to work. I have a vehicle being brought in from Lubbock this morning and we are stocking it with product to take out for me to display and then I drive to the next retail facility and do the same thing again. Im out 4 nights of the week so Hotels will get old, but I have my trusty computer and my guitars ready to travel. I plan on going to AA meeting in other towns as well. I will not be lonely that is for sure. I can stay busy. If it was not for being sober I don't think this job would last as I have to get up at 4 AM and I finish at 4 PM so it will be long days. I am looking forward to working as it has been a while and to get a paycheck would be nice also. Well just entering this in my blog , for future reference. Have a good day. Chris

Friday, April 21, 2017

The Weekend and Sobriety

Well it is Friday 4/21/2017 and I lived another day. That is a miracle in itself. I take these days for granted now and expect them to come along every day, but the truth is we never know if we will wake up everyday.To make today and this weekend special, make sure you act as if this is your last day on earth, What would you do differently? How would you react to a future situation.We all have regrets about the past and how would we make up for them today? God has given us a new life to live everyday and what we do with it has meaning to God and to our friends.Being sober for over a while , means you possibly will not drink today unless something really bothers you and you decide its time to go back to hell.I chose to live in the moment today and see how it turns out,doing the right things in life.I am not perfect nor proclaim I am. I have problems and I have bills. I wish a lot for stuff that I do not need but want,Im a little greedy..lol..Its ok to be yourself just as long as you dont hurt someone else. Be kind today and smile...Chris

Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Sober Life Daily

I have had a pretty good week. I am waiting for my new job to start. I start on Monday and I will be traveling every week with this job. I like the idea of getting out of town, but there is not much social life to traveling unless I make it. I can hit AA meetings in other cities at night and take my guitars with me and practice in the room, so I will have most of the comforts of home. Living daily sober takes changes evry now and then. It seems like I am changing everything at times to stay sober and making a living. This is good as my life progresses into a middle aged man that was once a drunk with a hangover every day. I would have to say daily I am grateful for my life and the things I have aquired and people that I have met in the AA program that has changed my thought pattern and life.I have had ups and owns but have dealt with this with God and others who know where I am in my recovery. It is a full time job staying sober. However faith without works is death.

Life is complicaated as you might make it or it can be a fulfilling promise of all the good in the world. I would like to think I am seeing good right now. I have a girlfriend who cares about me, she is in the program. Of course this type of relationship is confusing at times.So enjoy the sober life today and rock on with God.Chris

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Everything happens, When nothing seems Possible Sober

Well, I have had a great weekend. I started off with getting hired for a job that requires a lot of traveling and this is fine. Followed by a girlfriend of mine who came back into my life and wanted to go out Friday night. When things look bleak in sobriety, beware because something big is probably about to happen for the good. I have been a little depressed over the last few weeks , and I still kept my head up high knowing that something good would become from all the resumes I have put out and staying busy with my program and AA. It never fails as God comes into my life daily even though I feel he has left me, and brings me big surprises. That is how sobreity works, not expecting anything really and when your down keep busy helping others and it will come back to help you. That is how eight years of living has been for me. I forget at times this rule of thumb. God never forgets me however, he just keeps me outside of myself and I get loaded up with ideas of what I can do to make life better for myself and my friends.

Don't give in or give up when you are sober and this is an easy thing to do when alll in life is not where you want to be at. In time God will listen and change your direction and guide you in a way that might not be your way but his way of getting you out of situations that use to baffle us. We use to drink when we could not find an answer or drink because we found an answer. However drinking did us no long term good, in the short term drinking let us forget the past, and future of our problems. Then you wake up and wonder why you feel like shit and the same roller coaster ride begins again and again. I can honestly say I don't miss that about drinking. Hope you have a good day. Chri

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Music and The Sober Musician

I am a musician and record my work in my home. I am fortunate enough to have almost every instrument I could need in order to play the music I like. My taste in music is mostly hardcore rock to mellow ballads. I am eight years sober and I remember when I stated playing
again after I got sober, and nothing came to my mind to play. Over the years my mind has opened up and I just play what I enjoy hearing and sometimes it actually sounds pretty decent. I am not a professional musician , however I have played in bands most of my life for fun and enjoyment. I prefer not to play in a band right now because I don't need to get wired up in a bar and start drinking and playing. It is tempting to do this but , my sobriety is not worth the headaches and pain of starting to drink for fun again. I would be back on the roller coaster of drinking every day. The big book of AA talks about the casual drinker and the thoughts of one day being able to drink like normal people, but I am far past normal.lol

I think it is good therapy to play music , even if you suck. The enjoyment of making a sound and enhancing this sound can bring a smile to your face. It does this for me, and even though I have to force myself at times to go into the recording studio at home and get the electric guitars out of their cases and hook them up and plug the computers up to perform and make adjustments to the sounds ,. It is a work in progress and a few of my friends really enjoy my tunes. When I play I go somewhere else in my head and I don't think much about anything but my sounds. So it is calming effect for a person to just set down and play these tunes and enjoy what he hears. I highly suggest you get an instrument you might like and learn to play. It is great for your health and mental well being. Have a great day Chris

Sunday, April 9, 2017

"The Shack" a Book about a conception of God

I have been reading a book called , "The Shack", I am not an avid reader but a member of AA was talking on night about the different conceptions of God that we all have. This book and movie is right on target with a person's conception of God and it is really an enjoyment to read. The movie has already come out and I was able to see this movie and it seemed to follow the book pretty well. I highly suggest this to those who have a problem with AA and the God conception in our lives. Yes, I know the book is fiction but in reality it could be the truth. It is a joyful book about a tragedy
that has happened to this man and his family, but ends on a good note. To stay sober means one has to believe in a power greater than himself. This is proven over and over in AA meetings and in my personal life. Sometimes we might feel that God has failed us, but if you look deeper , he may be teaching us a lesson that makes us better human beings. For those who do not believe in a God , if you stick around AA and hear the miracles of the different people speaking , you will have to believe in something that is more powerful than you are. Kepp your mind open and your heart full of love, and help others that may be trying to recover just like yourself. To stay outside of yourself can be hard to do , but once you do this activity , you will feel the goodness that becomes over your spirit and body.

I am not expert in AA and yes I have my problems in life, but they are part of living in a world full of obstacles that can set you apart from the creator. I am guilty of so many things in my life but I ask for forgiveness and I receive this at times. We all have reality in which we have to live in , and to isolate ourselves is a dangerous thing to do, but very easy to get into the habit of isolation. Try to do the things you want to do that wil help someone else and this isolation will go away for a while. I am guilty of this isolation in this smal town I live in as I say well ther is nothing to do. However there is plenty to do at my home and with other people that might make a difference in your life. Have a good Week. Chris

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Good Things About being Sober

Monday I went to San Antonio with my AA sponsor to a meeting in which my sponsor Eddie was to speech
. We had a good time talking on the trip down there and then we hit the meeting in town and he got a standing ovation. Very proud of him and he was proud that I went with him on the 5 hour trip. On the way back on Tuesday to Midland I was called for a second interview with a company I have been trying to get on with in employment. I returned home and this was a phone interview and I had passed my electronics test and personality test , so I was pretty happy. This is a miracle from god that we talk about in AA , and how God works in our lives when we least expect it. Anyway I was invited to my last interview to be held on Thursday morning over the phone again with the hiring manager, so I would assume I am pretty well hired, but I won't know until Thursday.

Sobriety and giving back was was freely given to me is what this AA program is all about. Working the steps and getting out of self is a major part of staying sober as well. Taking your medication as directed is part of the program. Put all these together and you will have a healthy lifestyle working for one day at a time. I am living proof of the miracles and the confusion I bring to the table of a recovering alcoholic. I have fought the system and things in my life just did not work out, even when I thought I was in the right. God has blessed me , even in the hard times of my life as written in this blog with a better life when I let go and do something for others than myself. God Bless and have a good day. Chris

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Moving on with a Sober Life

Well, I have hit a few hurdles in my last few post on this blog. I am back on my medication, as it works and I can function. Be careful what others say to you and about your life. You are the only one living in your own body and you know what works and what does not. Alcohol does not seem to work in any one soul out there that can drink to oblivion. Treatment is a must for the first time alcoholic who suffers and it is usually a good thing for those who are not familiar with the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you drink and you are out of control, please seek help, and try to stick with meetings and work the 12 steps of AA as fast as you can in recovery. This will get you feeling better in the long run and will get you familiar with the steps in your life and how they will change your life. By the grace of God , I am still sober even after putting myself through hell, on getting off the medication I am taking, but I am taking it as prescribed and feel like it must be the correct medication as I feel normal now. We all have some emotional or depression in our lives when we sober up. There is a reason why we drank, and although drinking is a disease there are underlying reasons why we drank. Talk to a Doctor and find out these reasons or maybe working the 12 steps you will find a little part of yourself that you can work on to make you happier and not so gloom.

Panic runs deep into my family, my father has it and he still drinks and my son has it and he takes medication as I do for to control the panic. It is a mental disorder that I have and my son has, and it must run in the genes. I cannot control this as I have tried ever since I was a 16 year old boy. I drank alcohol because of my panic attacks, as it was a sedative and kept me calm. I was not a rowdy drunk but I drank on a daily basis so I could get out of my house and try to be normal. I had to come to terms with my Panic Disorder and realize that I needed outside help from a Doctor and I sought this help. Many people in AA frown upon what I am doing but let them frown as I need to socialize and be as normal as most people out there in the world and function . If you have panic disorder, please send me a note and tell me about it. I would appreciate this very much. Thank You Chris Hyer 4/2/2017

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Checked out Of Rehab

I checked out of Rehab for Xanax and Adderall on Monday as I could not go through this 30 day program. I got off all my medication but it was too fast of a withdrawal. My ears were ringing very bad in this loud facility and I went home because I needed something for my Panic which was over whelming to me, as a cloud of dust was a fog in my eyes. I went to my regular MD on Monday and he prescribed heart medication and Prozac for me to calm down and this has helped more than anything. I am finally off every pill except for 2 mg. of Xanax in which I put myself on compared to the 6 mg. I was taking for over 8 years. I do not drink anything alcoholic , so I am not at all concerned about any type of relapse, as this tr
eatment program was for alcoholics and drug users that have no experience with the 12 steps of AA. I have over eight years of sobriety and I took this medication as prescribed by a psychiatrist. Therefor I was ask many times why I was getting off Xanax, and I was told by two Doctors that I was taking too much. Inside , I kind of knew that 6 Mg. of Xanax was way too much , but i felt like the Dr. knew what he was talking about. Be careful about these Doctors that prescribe Xanax as it works very good with Panic attacks , but is very addictive in the long haul. I am feeling pretty good, going on a long walk with my puppy this early AM and I had breakfast and took the new medication with the blood pressure medication I have just gotten. I am taking this one day at a time, with the love of my family behind me, I will beat this . God bless Chris

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Going Into Treatment

It's hard going into treatment for prescription drgs. I am not fucked up on whiskey or on illegal drugs. I am just me on medication that is addictive and I need off of them. I am about to go and take care of the medications or they will take care of me...ANyone that reads this , please be aware of the medications your doctor gives you if sober. I was a fool and thought I could get off very easily but I also knew that in the long term it would be difficult. My doctor would of kept me on these meds for my entire life he said. However , beware of some doctors cause they could mean well, just they fuck up. Have a good day. See you in 30 days. Chris

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Treatment Center Bound For Prescription Medication Addiction

I have tried to get off Xanax and Adeerall for the last few weeks and I can't seem to get over the withdrawals. I wil check myself into a local alcoholism and drug addiction Treatment Center on Tuesday. I am not looking forward to another Treatment Center, but I want off these medication for a long time now. I am sober still and even thought what about drining before I go in, and I have decided that tat would be stupid. This is the first time I ever went into a treatment center for drugs that were prescribed for me. No, i took the dosage as told but the dosage is high and I want my life completly clean, regardless of the outcome of treatment. I am going to hold my head up high and go through the motions for 30 days and be grateful that I can even afford to go and get help.I knew early on that these pills could be a problem , but my Psychiatrist insist that I must be on them the rest of my life. I find that incredibly wrong, as I have read and studied the medication I take and it is for th short term not for over eight years. He said I was a special case, but I hardly believe him anymore.

The last job I had to fly many times, and usually the medicine would make me calm and I could fly anywhere, however the potency of this medication has gone down as I had real bad panic atacks and phobias before the flight and lost my job because I was unable to board this flight. This is when I knew I really had a problem. I also noted that my mind has been going up and down during the day  with possible withdrawal from this medication during the day . Its bad shit for the long term. I was told by two other Doctors that they would like to get me off this medication as the dosage was too high. They told e of the complications if I kept on using the medication at the level that I am. I did not want to hear this from anyone, and turned my head, but in reality a addictive perosn knows when he is addictive to something.

My AA friends , which some of them work at this treatment center are behind me, and that feels good. It is nice to be established in the AA world in my little town as this will make me proud that I am not only doing this for myself but others can see that yes, you can get addicted even when not trying to from Doctor prescriptions.So I won't be writing on this blog until I get out in 30 days. I could use your prayers for a speedy recovery, thank you. God Bless and Good Luck to you all. Chris Hyer
 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Doctors are Very Busy in Sobriety

Well, I have tapered off a couple of meds and I tried to call my psychiatrist to only find out he has left town. Lets say it appears this way, no answer on the phones, went by his office and lights were out and door was locked. Crazy shit I thought, so I got a hold of my Therapist and asked him, since he suggested this fellow, and he knew nothing about where this Psychiatrist went. So , now I guess I will just deal with this through a medical Doctor of mine who is Chinese. He is a good guy but he is very fast in talking and I will have to slow him down and make sure he understands what I am trying to accomplish. Each Doctor wants to do things their way, and these drugs are very strong that I am getting off of. So a bit frustrating today as I search for more answers, like a possible treatment center may be the only answer, staying sober through all this is not hard but I have been going to meetings every time I can every day. I don't know if the meetings help at times, but they keep me occupied. Addiction is just that , plain addiction. Chris

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

No More Medication for Panic

I take Xanax and Adderall for panic attacks but I have recently squired two Dr.'s to help me wean off these medications. These are addictive meds and should not be taken for long periods of time like I have taken them. My former Doctor said I could take them forever, however I noticed that they were losing their kick. I sought out help and as of Monday have started getting off these pills one by one. I don't know what to expect except the worse, but I don't feel that bad so I might be wrong. I took these because I could not stand the panic when I got out of treatment 8 years ago. My Doctor assured me that there would be no complications, so beware of what your Doctor may tell you when prescribing medication. The withdrawals can be very bad, if not done right like I am with a counselor and a different psychiatrist. I should be totally off in eight weeks.This will be a relief to me as I knew they were addictive but followed my Doctors advise and took these anyway.When your sober or getting sober life is different. Your whole entire outlook on life has changed. Learn how to accept this starnge new feeling before you go stomping off to a doctor like I did. This is day 2 of getting off of these medications and I am ok, and feel a little more better than I expected. I pray to the lord that this will continue to happen. In the meantime I am going to do volunteer work someplace to kill them time while I withdraw and spend a lot of time at Barnes and Nobles.I want to be normal again. Chris

Friday, March 10, 2017

Seek Help When it All Gets Too Much

Recently with not flying because of fear and losing another job. I have decided to get off the medications which can be addicting for anxiety. This is a feat in which I am going to have to accomplish because the pills just do not work. Sure I could take more of them and all would be fine for a while, but that is addiction, and I don't want to go further into my addiction so I have decided to get off Xanax and work through my problems with a LPC couselor and a new Psychiatrist, starting Monday. This will not be easy , as the panic will get worse but hopefully if I understand why I have panic attacks in the first place, that I will learn how to control them, without drugs. This is going to be a long term situation and since I am sober it should not be a s bad as when I was drinking and trying to get off medicine. Its a start in a new direction for Chris and a much needed one. Id rather fear and shake then have to take medicine every day. I am taking a large step in my mind and I have support from my family. I am sure I will kepp this site updated as I go through the process. God Bless. Chris Hyer

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Am I A Failure in Life?

SO many things have backfired in my life. I am a alcoholic recovering and a former drug addict. Is that all I am? That does not look god on a resume. I am good man and I push forward in bad times, but I have to ask myself what am I really good at? We all have setbacks in life and maybe my recent flying routine is my setback. I lost another job , so that means Ill have to start all over . Sometimes this is too damn much. It is not that I am going to drink again, I don't have another drunk in me. I just get confused as to where to start off again to get my life in order. Here is a 53 year old man who cannot hold on to a job , but he can stay off the liquor, so I guess that is one thing in my favor. Very confused as to what to do next. A part of me just wants to get in my car and travel to the beach and get away. However when I get there what do I do? I can't run from myself but I would like to. I have reached a low point in my life right now. I hope all who read this will not be down, but can see that you can stay sober ina crazy world. Chris Hyer

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Lost Job Due to Panic Attacks and Flying

Well, I have been obsessive for the last week for a flight for my new job. I was to fly out Monday early morning, However, I could not stand the anxiety the thought of flying was driving me crazy. I could not relax, and I emailed my boss tonight and told him the truth that I have Panic Disorder. His response was "Cancelled" referring to the flight. I have a feeling that also means you have no job with us. This really bothers me and is testing my sobriety right now. I need help dealing with Panic Disorder, I take medication but I knew if I got ont the plane and felt the panic I might take more than prescreibed. So I chicken out and said I just can't take this anymore. I'm upset of course, but this is not the first job I have lost to not flying. However it is time for an end to these attacks as they are taking control of my life. I feel so lonely, no one understands what I am going through. Have a good night. Chris