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Nine years of Sobriety and 5 Months of CBD Buds

Like I have said before I write this journal or blog for myself. I am not trying to impress anyone or tell my whole life story. Recently for the past five or six months, I have been trying CBD , which if you do not know what it is let me explain.
CBD from Hemp is what I was smoking, it does not get a person high but it does have healing properties for much medical use. Now, what medical use did I use it for was anxiety or panic? I will say that I tried Vaping CBD, and I thought it did nothing. Then I found out you could buy this like Marijuana flowers or buds. I purchased the Buds legally at a Vape store in my city. I rolled up Hemp cigarettes and smoked a few hits over the span of the last few months. The funny thing is I felt like it was helping me with Panic and possibly was, or was it just that I missed the taste of real pot and the smell and buds were beautiful. The only problem is CBD is not regulated nor is specified what type of Nutrient, Hemp can be, plus the negative bonus o…

Feelings and Sobriety, They do Exist

Feelings are very prevalent in our lives. There is nothing I do that does not involve a feeling of the sort. I use to try to block out my feelings with alcohol and drugs, but now being sober for almost 10 years, I have to deal with every single one ( Feelings). It's funny but I run from myself I believe so I don't have to face a feeling at certain times. This could be laying down on the couch with the TV running and not feeling a thing but comfort that I am not working and I am blessed to have a roof over my head. However, I talk a lot about being blessed when I write but when in reality I do not think about the spiritual experiences that have happened until I have usually done the task. Life is a trip and hopefully, you can follow my crazy mind, but this is my blog so I can be as crazy as I want.

I just got off a work trip and It is Saturday and I have been taking care of chores and errands that I did not get to do when I was out of town. I guess this is normal but I hate not…

Do You Test Sobriety?

I am out of town, working and it seems to be a test of my sobriety when I travel. Whether I have to fly or drive and how far I have to go seem to fall in place. I know I will not drink but temptations to have a drink with a group of fellow workers are always there when I travel. I read the bible in the Hotels is what I do and I watch movies from my PC on their big screen TV in the rooms. I usually stay at 4 to 5-star hotels with a restaurant and bar located inside the place. I guess you could say I isolate myself, but in the end, I have no hangover in the morning and watching fellow workers come in smelling of alcohol makes me feel like I do the right thing. Change is what we had to do in order to preserve our sobriety, and change is what I had to do on trips and being tested on drinking.

It would be interesting to hear some of your stories in traveling sober? I would welcome these ideas from the reader of this blog. One thing I should do is find an AA meeting at night and get out of…

Sobriety How important is it?

I have been sober now over nine years, and I thought of this question this morning. Since I quit alcohol that many years ago, it really is not a part of my living life. I focus on other things like chores and work and knowledge about future events. I don't look back and regret my situation as much. Yes, I would have changed a few things in my last but maybe that is how my life was to be lived so I might live the future in a sober place and sober mind. I am not saying that sobriety is not important as it is the most important part of my life for me to be able to do my work and other things in life. Once you get a hold of living this way and understand that going back to living with alcohol is not going to he help in a positive manner with items that are depressing or negative then you have reached a cure. Yes, I said a cure for alcoholism is possible when you do not reach for the bottle in times of happiness and or sorrow, or either thinking of drinking. There have been thoughts of…

Do you know God? Sobriety and Living

I am at a hotel room in Arlington, Texas and I have work to do here for 5 days. I really do not like going on trips where I am not home. I guess I have gotten older plus I don't drink so some of the other workers are out getting drunk as usual. I started to think about God and do I really know him. I assume I have a grasp on the spiritual outlet called God and the spirit but I seem to need him ore than ever at certain times for my sobriety and my sanity. I have nine years of no drinking and I don't think about drinking, but I do think and pray a lot more than ever. I seem to think I am unusual in that I have really no friends and a good job, but at my age, that is all I want. I want my family healthy and happy and when I am working I see they are very grateful for my sobriety because I never stayed with too many jobs before calling in sick from a night worth of beer. Now I sit in a hotel room all alone wondering what it would be like to be out drinking and then feeling like sh…

Sobriety and Being Alone

You are never alone. You might think so since there is no one in the house with you. But really, God is with you or your higher power is near you if you are sober right now. I thought about this since I am usually alone at night. However, I have a Labrador that I love and treat her like a human. plus the almighty spirit I call God, to whom sees my actions and keeps me from loneliness every single day. It takes a little bit of time to accept this. However, with myself and what I do for work, I know God is with me during the day and the night. He never runs away, he is in me. I'm not God but I believe the spiritual God I worship is inside me. That is how he can tell me when the oven is hot don't touch it with my hand. If I start thinking stupid drinking thoughts, he rids these almost immediately. I never thank him enough. I don't think a person could love his God as I do mine. You have to love yourself a little bit for God to come into your soul and speak to you. Maybe not w…

The Police and Sobriety Checkpoints

I read this article this morning and I said for all the people that went through this check point , they only found two people intoxicated. Please read below.

Sobriety Checkpoint In Diamond Bar Nets Two Arrests DIAMOND BAR, CA -- An overnight driver's license/sobriety checkpoint in Diamond Bar netted two arrests, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department reported Saturday. One person was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving and another motorist was arrested on suspicion of operating a vehicle with a suspended or revoked license, the Sheriff's Information Bureau reported. Deputies also issued one citation. The checkpoint at Diamond Bar Boulevard and Highland Valley Road began at 6 p.m. Friday and ended at 2 a.m. Saturday. The Sheriff's Department reported that 838 vehicles were screened at the checkpoint. --City News Service/Shutterstock image Get the Diamond Bar-Walnut 

I know one this if this was done in my hometown of Midland about half of the 800 people these offi…

I have A Online Store Go Help an AA Guy out!

Hello, it is a beautiful cloudy day in the sober land today and I was thinking, Hey I got an online store that I need to plug into this blog of mine. I have about 2k readers a month on here. I never intended on getting people to read my alcoholic writing but it seems some have an interest in my life. So here is another part of it. Go to 925silverring.com and support your fellow alcoholic in trying to make a living online. They are ladies rings. Anyway, it is a nice day here and to wake up not hungover is an everyday blessing for almost 10 years now. It gets normal after a few years that is just how I am, clear-headed and ready to accomplish something every day.

I am sponsoring a guy right now, but I am not really good at it. I let the person take their time and get used to being around recovering alcoholics and then work the Big Book with them if we get a chance. I am no better than the man that just came out of treatment and a drink away from being the person I refuse to go back to. …

Midland, Texas Oil Boom and Sobriety, Is It a Joke

I was thinking of all the people that have moved back to the West Texas town in the Desert call Midland, Texas. Midland is halfway between El Paso and Dallas, Texas, therefore, the name Midland, the halfway point from the cities of DFW to the border of Mexico. Do we have a wide variety or folks? Yes, from the Cartels from El Paso that is making money off the locals with drugs to the bustling city of DFW that brings in Businessmen and women to cash in on the oil boom. To stay sober in a city like Midland is absolutely an incredible feat for anyone. No real entertainment except for the rich who drink away the days and nights and others from areas of the USA that want to cash in on the boom. However with Apartments, if you can find one, start at 1700 a month for a one bedroom. The unemployment rate is like 2.2 percent and people with houses here rent rooms out for 600 to 1200 a month for a room out of their houses. Go to Craigslist if you think I might be wrong and look up housing here p…

Saying Thank You for Sobriety

I get caught up in myself and I need to remember to say Thank You, to those who have to listen to my bullshit and even read my blog. This blog makes no money, and I never set out to make any money from it. This is just a way I can get matters off my chest and remember what I have done stupid and smart. I have a lot of problems in my sobriety but I am sober. That was my main goal, right. I still dabble in stuff I should keep my nose out of, but I am not perfect and I am interested in the health as Americans are of the age of CBD and Marijuana Legalization. Pretty darn confusing, and maybe it is meant to be this way. I am in my mid-50s and I knew that Marijuana would be legalized when I reached this age, I really did but it seems like our country is split on politics and now states are separate from the Federal government. Just crazy shit like this could make a person want to get loaded. However AA is still around and my feelings towards alcohol are yes, it is there, so fucking what. I …

Stupidity and Sobriety

I have been sober for nine years this May 21st and I also have done a bunch of stupid things in my sobriety. I also witness others in AA that are sober but stupidity seems to follow them as they talk about their experiences. The definition of stupidity is behavior that shows a lack of good sense or judgment.
"I can't believe my own stupidity"
So Who is to judge one's stupidity is it me or you or is there an organization out there that says, "Yes he is the stupid one". He goes sober for 30 days then comes back in and preaches the AA word from the Big Book verbatim without having to open it, then leaves and proceeds to drink again. I have met several of these stupid people. However, this is just my opinion on stupidity. One who says they are practicing the twelve steps with a beer can in his right hand instead of his left hand, therefore limiting his drinking ability.lol
I guess it goes without saying if you read my articles and the stupid things I did. One w…

Mothers Day Stay Sober Today May 13th 2018

It's Mothers Day and one thing I can do is stay sober 24 hours for my self and my Mother who has put up
 with me and my crap for so long. My mother is still living and age 81 and she is in good spirits and health and looks much younger, however, I can see the age starting to change in her. I am 55 myself, so I am very blessed to have my mom around and living and she is still wanting to love me and be around me. What a woman I can say that no one compares to my mom, and you can probably say the same about your mom. If you drink, just for today try not to drink around your mother, 24 hours, just one day. I know how hard it can be, but it might be a start for you to have eternal life granted back into your soul.

God grants us the serenity to move on with our lives and even when we make mistakes he grants those mistakes and if you ask for forgiveness, that will be granted also. How do I know, because I am a sinner and I make bad choices every day, I try not to make decisions that will…

Alcoholic ? Now How Can I be One if I Don't Drink Anymore

I have a problem with AA. How could I be an alcoholic if I freakin don't drink anymore? Good question I think and I am sure if you are a recovering or recovered alcoholic you had to ask this question to your self. Is it because we call ourselves alcoholics to impress others in AA. I would like to stand up and say "Hello I'm Chris and I am here to learn how to live life without drugs or alcohol, can you help me"?Maybe someone has said this in a meeting. I should because that is why I go to AA meetings and to learn how to live through the Big Book of AA is fine in the 1930s when it was written at least the initial book. I find a lot of biblical information on how I should live in this book, but does it need to be rewritten to the time we are now living in?

I listen to old timers say the same old shit day after day sometimes, and I can tell you what they are doing right now. They are at an AA meeting telling the same old shit again, sometimes three or four times a day a…

Want Money Come to West Texas Social Sobriety

I am going off the alcohol beating path on this article, The oil prices on the stock market show about 70.00$ per barrel of oil being traded, so this, in turn, means work in Midland and Odessa, Texas and surrounding areas. If you have just sobered up and need to make money and don't mind the oil field, come on down like the rest of the USA. Yes, the cost of living is outrageous but with your 25.00 an hour job you should be ok, that is if you are involved in the oil business. Truck haulers are making 100k a year, not bad for driving a truck I this flat land of dirt and bad traffic. There are, of course, other jobs in the area associated with the oil business as people have to eat so restaurants are doing their fair share of the business. Don't be surprised to wait for about an hour for lunch to get served, there are not enough of the lower paid workers, however, the last boom these burger places were paying attractive 14.00 an hour for workers, so this will happen and is starti…

Thy Will be Done Social Sobriety

On Page 86 of the Big Book of AA there is a couple of paragraphs in this that say when we go through the day we see where we could help others not be self-centered and such. I read this every morning and then it says on page 89 I think that during the day we should say "Thou will be done", and keep saying this when we no longer have control over a problem or instance where we may be confused as to what we need to be doing during the working day and night. I find this quite useful and have begun using this phrase when I want to lie about something or just want something to go my way. "Thou will be done", Not my will be done..lol. However, it is very easy and comforting when done at the right time, because you know at this point in your day you have done everything in this world to ignore a situation or put something off. When saying this little phrase, I have noticed I seem to turn my car around and take care of something I did not want to or made me pull over and s…

Watch out For CBD if you are Sober

I wanted to touch on information about CBD products that some may have a concern. I know I did and did something about it. I tested and tried Vaping CBD and there was supposedly no THC in the CBD I had bought in Texas in my hometown of Midland, Texas as THC is illegal. Granted the Hemp plant and Marijuana plant are one in the same, certain extraction takes place and I was told and read that THC would not be in the product I had consumed. I never felt high when taking the products sold in Midland, however, is concerned when I quit Vaping this crap a few weeks ago, I decided to take a drug test just to make sure I was clean. The result is I tested positive for THC. Never smoked Pot in over ten years and I just Vaped the products that were sold legally at this store for anxiety and the CBD benefits. The store clerks said I could smoke all the CBD they had and not ever test positive for THC, but they evidently smoke weed and or have not had any complaints from people like myself about the…

All Things Tried and True with Alcoholism

The title just sounded good this morning. I have tried to find interesting things to do while staying sober and yet my mind wonders into other areas. That was a long sentence. However, I get bored, when I drank I was too busy wondering and enjoying what I was doing. Coming up on 9 years next month of no alcohol, and yet the boredom is still here. I grew up with alcohol and now it is taken away, what a guy to do? Well, I try new things like the Vape thing and end up almost hurting myself with this trial. I take chances to see what the results will be like in real time. I am curious about those things I did drunk and now am sober, what are they really like? I take chances with my jobs because I get bored of them and get tired of traveling with work. All my life I have worked alone and traveled the West Texas area and it is not a pretty sight to travel in. I have aspirations of moving to Colorado for the weather and the weed. However I find out the drug test up there just like in Texas, …

The End of my CBD Testing

In recent days I have been very interested in this CBD stuff, and now it is time to move on and let the experts and legality over CBD take place. There is plenty of information on CBD and alcohol to fill up the Internet for everyone. It comes down to what is good for yourself and if you want to pursue such home remedies. Ever since the legalization of THC in some states, I believe that other states are jealous and therefore have found a way to make money on this CBD oil and wax, and whatever shape you want to ingest this stuff. How do I feel about it? I have mixed feelings and will continue checking it out. It does not appear to be addictive as I don't have the desire to just think about CBD and smoking it. Now for panic attacks, I think we might have something here with CBD and I just don't know how much of a test dummy I want to be. However, I will discuss this with a Doctor in releasing my Xanax and possibly using CBD? Anyway enjoy the day and God Bless

CBD an excuse to smoke Hemp?

As I go through my trial phase with CBD oil from Hemp plants, I discovered a new product. This is called Dabbing Wax, that is CBD concentrate because I wanted the real CBD and this is the strongest you can get. I bought the needed supplies and wax on Saturday and was in a hurry to see how this made me feel. You put the wax, little slivers into a heating, pipe and smoke it, only one hit and boom. I felt high as a kite a rush like never before since quitting Pot. It was just the initial first hit off the pipe that the rush was there, I thought I was going to fall down, what a rush I thought. Then a calm after effect, but is this really an excuse to get high off CBD? I am not sure how I feel about smoking wax this way to get rid of panic, I think it might be an excuse to get high for a short breathe of the initial rush. I have to be careful because this is all legal but so is alcohol. SO for those who really want to feel what true CBD does to you try the wax. I am laying off of this unt…

CBD and Panic No More

I am fascinated by what I have experienced and learned about CBD daily, and so much more is waiting to be learned. I am on week two of testing the vaping of 1000mg. Vape with CBD and I can tell that I have no preconceived anticipatory anxiety anymore with the panic attacks. I just go and do what I need to do without second thinking it. Amazing as it sounds, this stuff does not get you high or change you in any way except if you have a few issues with mood disorders or anxiety and pain. If you have these issues, please look into CBD. I have found relief in this and not Xanax. This is the kicker, I have been able to almost quit Xanax without withdrawal from Xanax in this short period of time. That is fucking amazing for anyone. No sweats or nervousness and I feel more like myself. I can only tell you this is my results but from reading online as the below information, this is one of the studies for panic.

CBD And Panic AttacksAnyone who experiences anxiety knows about the incessant backg…

Proven Benefits of CBD Sobriety or Not

Ok, so what the hell is CBD, well it is Cannabidiol from Marijuana plants and Hemp. Why do we care, well I do that is why I am writing this CBD article. THC is the drug in Pot that gets one high, with so many compounds and medical studies on this plant . Theyo have discovered CBD to be quite the benefit for people with anxieties to pain, causing no ill effects or getting high off the drug or Vitamin is what it is classified. "CBD is the major nonpsychoactive component of Cannabis sativa. According to a 2013 study published in the British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology, CBD benefits including acting in some experimental models as an anti-inflammatory, anticonvulsant, antioxidant, antiemetic, anxiolytic and antipsychotic agent, and is therefore a potential medicine for the treatment of neuroinflammation, epilepsy, oxidative injury, vomiting and nausea, anxiety and schizophrenia."
Good or bad, the medical community may have found a cure for panic or anxiety without pills that …

Xanax, Panic, and the Sober Human

Funny thing about life is we live in a addicted society, whether it be illegal drugs, prescription drugs, or alcohol. There is always a potential for abuse.I am one of these people that has had panic attacks for over 30 years and used alcohol and pills and other drugs to make me feel normal. The madness has not stopped, the illegal drug use and alcohol have stopped, but I continue with Xanax. I am coming out of the closet today for a reason. I have noticed that I am having more frequent panic episodes and Im on a high dosage of Xanax and have been for years. So if you read this blog I am a recovered alcoholic , but when I sober up nine years ago I was house bound. I could not go outside the house,fear of the marketplace or agoraphobia is what I had . I worked with dr.s on a solution beside Xanax and nothing worked as usual. I am monitored by a psychiatrist and I do not abuse my medication, yet the possibility is there to abuse these. I am fortunate that I am working still and able to …

Recovering Addict and Being Normal

What is normal? That is the million dollar question. Is anyone really normal? There are so many different types of people and they have so many beliefs. I would guess normality would be a sane person that abides by most of our laws and has a job, maybe a wife and a kid, but that statement is not true either. So I do know that to walk around drunk or high during the day or night, probably is not normal but in movies, they depict this as being normal.

I believe if you are doing right by Gods way that you must be somewhat normal. Don't hurt others on purpose and abide by the ten commandments the best as you can seem like you are trying to be a good citizen and good human. If you drink that does not make you a bad person if you drink because of problems then that is normal but not a good excuse. Complicated as it may seem, I think the most of us that respect others and treat them as we would like to be treated is the best idea of being a good human and reflects a normal attitude. We a…

Prayers for Recovering Addicts Do Good

I pray every day at sunrise and sunset. I pray in the work day and sometimes I forget to pray during the day. The world is full of love and hate. I think the media is to blame and the Internet. No matter who is to blame, prayers can calm a man down when anxious or depressed. God is with me all the time and checking up on you the rest of the time. He never leaves any one of us. He is always there. Sounds like a miracle, well God is the miracle that no one can really explain in a manner where realism is concerned. You either accept the fact that there is a God and enjoy his power that he holds as his spirit runs through your body, planning out the day for you one moment at a time. I must live in the moment because I have no idea where I will be in an hour from now. God is powerful and all I need to do is look at my dog or a tree and realize the imperfections are really perfections of life as God wants them to be. I rely on God to show me the strength and keep my head cool in hot situati…

Busy Recovering Alcoholic

Well, it has been some time since I have written, and I think I am going to get honest on this site because I have not been. I have been sober of illegal drugs and alcohol for almost 9 years. I do have a mental condition known as ADD to Panic Attacks. I take medicine for these issues and have been for most of my life. I don't know if I am right for doing what I do, but I cannot function without the medication in a way that will make me productive and happy. I have tried several times getting off the meds but I always came back to them because I could not work or do anything. I was housebound. Most in alcoholism recovery would say I am covering up something that could be worked out in the 12 steps, I cannot. Yes, I have tried and yet I feel guilty almost every day for taking this prescribed medication for my mental disorder and have not found any help in the small city I live in. There are cities in Dallas and Houston that have a way of recovery but I do not have the luxury to go t…