Monday, April 18, 2016

Social Sobriety and God Living

Living with God in your heart and mind is possible once you have been sober . You may have God in your heart right now, and not be sober, if so then great you are in a win , win situation if this is your case. I see many people run from t the word God when mentioned in AA meetings and I really don't know why. In church many of us as little children may have thought God was this mean person that would come down and damn us to hell for messing around when we knew we should of. A force greater than ourselves is what God is taught to be and he is. The mention of God in AA is to find a higher power greater than ourselves that will love us and protect us from evil and bad wrongs that we seem to do to ourselves. 

I have always had God in my heart but until I started going to meetings I never really understood how to use his powers to make my life more livable. Do you have this problem? It is not unusual to fear the unknown and the unseen person that has great and almighty powers. However when you see a tree and the leaves and veins in the leaves , you have to kind of think there must be some supreme leader that can make such a beautiful tree. I , am a believer in faith now and not before I sober up that I had such a belief. God fills us with joy and sorrow and he gives us the ability to do right or wrong. He gives us choices in life and we make the decisions whether to act on these choices. That is God given power and love to each and every one of us. 

Do not give up on God when things are wrong in your life, sure I have doubted him from time to time and this is not unusual but I always knew something good would happen after ward. I believe as a recovering addcit and drunk that I have to rely upon God for my sobriety and the steps of AA to keep the faith. Why not try and talk to God on your knees right now for what you need and want. The miracles do happen and they happen often. God Bless Chris

Sunday, April 17, 2016

2016 Sober Birthday Today

I turned 53 today on April 17th ,1963 and I tried to put together a trip , but just made a mess out of it. I am happy to be sober today and quite tired as I ended up going to Ruidoso, New Mexico on Saturday to celebrate my birthday by myself. I also played at the casino on my trip and did not win a thing. I went through ton of money and nothing hit on the one armed bandits. I usually do pretty good, but I have come to the conclusion that my hard earned money was not worth losing to a machine in a mattter of minutes. I had booked a hotel room as Ruidoso is about a 5-hour drive from Midland, Texas. When I was finished losing all my money, I checked in and then laid down for a moment, and checked out. I drove all the way back last night. Foolish as it was, because I was tired, I wanted to be home on Sunday. Addiction is always with the recovered alcoholic. whether it is sex addiction or gambling addiction , we have that personality that over comes us in some things we do. I can't seem to do things in moderation. This has been a ongoing problem since I have been sober.

Money problems have plagued me. It is no different than the alcoholic who has a drinking addiction, and if I don't stop gambling then I will have another problem as I already have this issue. I am blessed in that I am not completely broke from my escapade, but I hit myself hard and my credit cards are getting maxed out. I really want what I want when I want it. Obsessive Compulsive disorder to an extent. I am not sad , however, cause thing swill work out with the help of God and a little more control over my spending habits. It is simple just do not spend on stuff I cannot afford. The alcoholic who has to have everything , is a crazy person. I am a little crazy in this aspect.

I met a woman online from years back from High School and I was meaning to go visit her in Bryan < Texas. Decisions on not meeting her were maybe not sound. I thought after talking to her that she drank every night. She seemed quite drunk every time I spoke to her, so I decided not to go and see her because I did not want to deal with her issues. However, her issues may be unfounded, and maybe she was just tired, I don't or should not question a person if they are a drunk until I have met them. I could of been wrong, and I made up the excuse not to come and see her. I hope I don't live to regret this decision.I am lonely for sex, and love and a relationship, could she be the one? I don't really know yet. Life is very confusing when you know someone but from a long time ago.

Well life goes on today, and one more day for God to direct me in the right direction. I paused this part of the blog to run a few errands, and to go see my mother , and it was good. Sobriety has it's advantages and there a lot of people that would dis agree with me, and a few that would agree with me. When you run your life God driven like I have or have tried, the perspective on your future is good and relations with people are better than when I drank. Ask your self, would you be better off sober socially or not? Would it make a change in you and would it be positive. It has been for me, even though I question sobriety at points in my life, am I missing out on drining parties and going out to the bars? I am not going to test this theory out. God Bless

Monday, April 4, 2016

Its Been s Sober time lately

It is April of 2016, and I have had a great new month witha new position in life, and my sobriety is well in tact with myself. I had planned a trip[ on my birthday which is on April the 17th to Las Vegas, but I did not feel right going by myself, so I lost a few hundred on this trip. You sometimes have to lose a little to gain self-confidence in why you are sober. I did some soul searching and I decided that Vegas was not right for me in the long run. I love to gamble but the drinking that goes on there and being by myself did not settle with em right now. So I have canceled the trip and I am heading to the mountains of New Mexico , and staying at a lodge where it is beautiful. I plan to take my photography equipment and take some pretty shots of the area, with the weather being so warm in Texas, and cooler in New Mexico.

I have to slow down when things start going in a positive direction , because I have the disease of alcoholism. I know that sounds like a cop out but I have lived sober for eight years in a row now on May of this year. I will do nothing that will provoke my sober state of mind. God has seen me through some tough times and I feel he test us at times to see what we will do next.

My job is not stressful, which is what I needed, it does require me to work weekends at times and I have to accept this , however I am single and I have nothing else to do but watch TV and I make overtime. That is why I have not written in so long. I have been pulling 60 hour weeks and to me that is a lot of driving with work and trouble shooting. I wish all who are struggling with drugs or alcohol that they can see that you can have a good and fullfilling life but you do have to take action and not put it off. You have to go to meetings of AA and you have to believe in God the spirit. If not you may be doomed. I know for me I have to do these things , and practice these steps in all I do in life to manage who I am and whom I will turn out to be in my older years. I will be 53 this month. I grew a beard so I would fit in with work and fellow employees, however no one really enticed me to do this, It is just different for me, and I like change to an extent. So please listen here, God will make your dreams come true. I am a witness to this, but you can shoot yourself down. Try to stay positive and stop drinking or stay sober and enjoy the world for what it is , and not for what it is not..Have a Blessed Day ...Christopher 4.4.2016