Nine years of Sobriety and 5 Months of CBD Buds

Like I have said before I write this journal or blog for myself. I am not trying to impress anyone or tell my whole life story. Recently for the past five or six months, I have been trying CBD , which if you do not know what it is let me explain.
CBD from Hemp is what I was smoking, it does not get a person high but it does have healing properties for much medical use. Now, what medical use did I use it for was anxiety or panic? I will say that I tried Vaping CBD, and I thought it did nothing. Then I found out you could buy this like Marijuana flowers or buds. I purchased the Buds legally at a Vape store in my city. I rolled up Hemp cigarettes and smoked a few hits over the span of the last few months. The funny thing is I felt like it was helping me with Panic and possibly was, or was it just that I missed the taste of real pot and the smell and buds were beautiful. The only problem is CBD is not regulated nor is specified what type of Nutrient, Hemp can be, plus the negative bonus of having .03% THC in Hemp plants can cause a false positive on a drug test.

Well, how the hell can they sell stuff like CBD and my city law is not doing anything about it, yet a federal law says it is legal but also illegal at the same time. I decided to completely stop smoking Hemp Buds the other day. They were not bothering me , however I did not want to start another addiction to a Nutrient, Drug, or whatever it is that is being sold all over the USA in disguise and too many questions of the legal authority to use or not use this CBD is not clear yet in Texas and many other states.

I will say I did not drink with my use but I am not sure where this may fit into my sobriety for nine years. Did I blow it by smoking Hemp? I am not sure, but I am thinking, No. It is my life and I got no high but I was curious and tried this as a medicine for my panic attacks.I do not think I can judge others for trying CBD as I have read everything good about it except for the .03% THC that might cause you to fail a drug test. Very confusing, any answers to this would be appreciated. Have a good day. Chris

Sober and Heading To Austin, Texas

I have decided to head for Austin, Texas to Interview for a job that pays well and has great benifits. Only God knows how this will turn out.The move from Midland to Austin will be costly but God will find a way if this is meant to happen. I have one job in limbo in Midland, they have not gotten back with me , and I need to puch forward as I cannot wait for thier HR department in California to decide if I am hired or not. I have to get the ball rolling. I can't just sit here and pray the phone will ring or an email will come in. Some companies take forever and this is and injustice to people that are needind a paycheck.
Austin is not new to me , as I lived there during my drinking years, however I have no family down in Austin and this will be confusing if I decide to move to Austin. Im 52 and a little nervous about another move. I used to move constantly when I drank, I dont know how I did it. Now with more resposibility a new move is harded for me. The cost of the move the mentality of living away from my parents, but the number one thing is I need a good paying job and I guess most people who are single like myself , do move when they can to acceopt a new job in a new city. The boss or owner of this Austin job seems like a nice fellow, but I also want to make sure its the right career choice. Maybe a choice is not what I have , I just have to go for it. I am praying for the right answers...Chris

Social Sobriety Donations

I never thought I would get so low on my finances that I would ask for donations for this blog. The point is I have been unemployed for a while now , and if you find this material to be of substantial value to you, could you please make a donation to PayPal.com The email address associated with my account is chyervalue63@gmail.com. Anything would be appreciated and I will personally send a letter to each and every one of you who make a donation towards this blog and my life stance at it is. I have hit a bottom with income and the jobs I have lined up have not responded as of yet, so therefore my bank account is so low that I cannot grocery shop at this time. I am reaching out and praying to God that the people that visit this site will make a donation towards me and in the name of God as a good gesture of your fortune versus the predicament I am facing at this time.

I never thought it would get this bad for myself and my family. I have only this blog to reach out to other people for help that I do not know , but you know me, as I have been writing since 2011 I believe.
I will somehow pay you back in a way that may be a prayer for you or your money back in future time.This is a reach for hope that I have helped someone stay off drugs or alcohol with this blog and if I have please pay it forward to a person who is in need.I know nothing about oil and gas business and they are not even hiring right now, so I beg of you to give what you can so I may continue to bring you the words on this blog.
I am very aware that the entire country needs money in order to survive and I am just one person who is sober and living by the 12 steps of recovery asking for help. Maybe I am wrong in asking but too much time has passed and the good lord has asked me to reach out to my readers for help.

If you have extra to send to me by PayPal please send a note with the donation and I will return a Thank You letter with hope that you also will be blessed in a way that you might not find yourself as I am right now. God is working through me to work with you. Thank You and Life Is Good. Chris

Sober Thursday 02/18/2016

I have bitched and complained for about a week now, and it is over. I have done what I could about getting my job secured and have passed my test, so now I should be offered my job. That is how it oges right? Well these days it is hard to concieve that a future employee should have to spill out so much personal information to get a low paying job. This is the American way now. You have to prove you have no criminal background , pass drug test, prove that your a USA citizen, prove that you are mentally stable. Does this sounf more communistic than anything?

Well after a few days of putting my whole life out there in cyber space for a job, I am now awaiting an answer to if and when I start. I will post of course when I get this phone call, in which I expect ina  day or so. I have spent about 100.00 of my own money in getting a low paying job. The expense were for Dr. leters and gas to and from each place I had to visit, and the time it toook for a physuical and one more Dr letter tsaying I am fit. Ridiculous is what I say. But these are the tims in America. The home of the free, once they know for sure you are a USA citizen. I am white and have Indian in my blood, and I am sober from illlegal drugs and alcohol that should be enough. However, the insurance companies and goverment want to make sure you are really allowed to work here.

I heard on the news about several thousand immigrant workers in the USA are getting refunds this year? How? I know they have families and they are illegal to work here so how do they get SOcial Security numbers to file taxes. There is something wrong with our system of course we all know this.

Well, staying sober through the last few months has not been hard but I have been bored. I have learned to keep a blog up so I can look back when Im 60 or so and say Hey I made it through this and that. That is what this blog is. It is an autobiography of my life and being sober through the easy and tough times. I am not going through as tough a time as most might be. If you decide to get sober just remeber that your problems will still be out there , it is how you handle yourslef during these problems is what will make you or break you. Keep the faith and GOd will come through , just not on your time..

Got a Job - But!!!

Well I have passed a pre-employment background for a company in Midland Texas. However , now after taking a drug test that should be illegal to have to take. Meaning they were unsantiary where I went to and they found out that I possibly might have Diabetes. I have been checked and I am borderline Diabetic , but the dr. that did my physical wanted further information on my glucose level from my own Dr. So this puts me in a time situation with this company and also I thought it was really no ones business about being a Bi -Polar or Diabetic. However it seems like all information is to be released to this company I willl be working for. The Americans With Disability site says it is no ones business, but my own. So where do you draw the line at. You cannot tell a Dr. they are wrong, you could take them to court but I dont have the money , and it would be tied up in litigation for years.
We have no privacy , I have a clean background but now my health is being questioned. If iits not one thing it is another. I be damn I beeen sober almost 8 years and the companies you work for these days think they need all this information on your life, that is really none of thier business. It seems like the American with Disablitlies article is non-existent for some of us. I eveen had to fill out with my application if I thought I was Mentally stabel and not Bi-Polar or had some other impairment. None of us are perfect and this job is far from perfect. It is a low balling job but it pays well, with not good reviews. I guess I will have to play the game, but I am watering down my urine just like faking a drug test so I have no Glucose in my system if it is checked again. I need the work. I know my Dr will probably do a Glucose check and I am watching my foods and drinking a ton of water. I know how to fake a drug test and this is no different. I just got a call from this comapny wanting to know what is taking so long. Shit , this life we live in is a whirlwind..Chris

Tis The Season of Alcoholics and Drug Abuse!!

Welcome all to my blog on sobriety and living life in our daily lives. This is a personal journal more than anything else. I have almost 6 years of sobriety this time around and I feel damn good. There are days that do not come offf like I think they should but there are always answers to my questions. I find myself struyggling with finaces on this holiday season as most of you might have problems with also. Do not worry there is always a solution to everything beside a drink and a drug.

My Puppy!!

Life is work!!If you don't have faith in what you do as far as living your daily life then there is struggles. I have not lost my faith , it continues to grow each and every day but not without some sacrifice on my part. Prayer helps 100 percent in times like now. I pray constantly , while I am at work and off. I pray for the answer to many questions I have and for help in doing my work when I need this. I always get a positive answer back. I might do everything just right when I work, but I try. That is all God wants us to do and our employer is to try..Not complain about having to go some place or do another task. You must have positive faith that leads you in a positive direction. Do not get negative on your self. This is easy to say but a little predictable to do.

Staying focused on this Christmas year is difficult for me, however through prayer each day keeeps coming and each answer also. I know I have to be positive in my work flow and to move forward in my program of alcoholics anonymous. I go only twice a week , but I have my schedule, if I think I need to go more often then I do. We have a Christmas party at the 12 step group in Midland, Texas that I will be attending at 530 pm on Thursday of this week. I usually do not go to these things but hey why not? My spondor will be there and so will my friends and others I have not met.

I am not a wholly roller with AA, I use AA as a support group and that is it. It does not keep me sober but implants into my head what sobriety is all about . To me sobriety is about God and not doing any drinking or drugging. If I hand over my bad habits to God he will tkae them away. I have to be honest in this though as I have other habits that need to be taken away but I have not gotten honest about them..So do yourslef a favor and be positive this Christmas season and honest with yourself, and you will have a jolly Christmas..God Bless Chris