Showing posts with label Focused. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Focused. Show all posts

Friday, May 19, 2017

Social Anxiety and staying Sober

I found this article in my email and I found it o be true about anxiety and people's perception and reality about anxiety. I hope you enjoy this article. Chris

The Three Steps to Dealing with Social Anxiety

At this point we established that trying to avoid or get rid of the feeling of social anxiety usually backfires. It leads to more social anxiety in the long run and you end up restricting your life and ridding it of all meaning and fun.
So here are three steps (backed up by decades of studies) that actually work:

STEP 1: ACCEPT YOUR ANXIETY

Social anxiety is not the enemy. It’s a feeling. A primal “warning” signal from your body to keep you from danger. Problem is, it was designed to keep you safe from wild animals and falling rocks, not strangers and pretty girls.
So when you notice anxiety coming up, together with all the negative thoughts, feelings, and sensations, sit with it. Don’t push it away, or change it in any way. Instead, let it be there, and really experience what it’s like to feel the fear.
Observe it like a curious scientist, without putting any judgment on it. You don’t have to like the fear, but you can learn to accept and embrace it as it is.
Notice where in your body you can feel it the most. What happens when you take a deep breath? When you hold eye contact with a stranger, does the fear get stronger? Stand up straight and lift your head up. What happens then?
Don’t try to change what you feel. Simply notice what happens. Instead of pushing the anxiety away, observe what’s going on. This trains your mind that anxiety in social situations is not something that needs to be avoided.

STEP 2: DO WHAT YOU DEEPLY CARE ABOUT

We usually feel the most vulnerable and the most anxious in the areas we value most in life.
I’ve never met a socially anxious person who didn’t care about having friends or connecting with people.
Instead of fighting anxiety, let anxiety be your guide towards what you care about most. There’s a good chance that situations where you get the most nervous, are the ones that matter most to you.
Being aware of this makes it easier to face your fears. One question we often ask our coaching clients is:
What are the things that are so important to you that you’re willing to feel anxious or nervous to experience them?
Think about it like this. When you are on your deathbed, do you want to look back on a life where you haven’t felt any anxiety, you never felt awkward, and you were always comfortable — but you also never really went all in, you missed out on parties, and never talked to the attractive stranger on your way home?
The other option is to look back on a life where you often felt nervous, anxious, and insecure — but it was a life filled with adventures, parties, random encounters with strangers, and deep connections.
So take a minute and really reflect on this:
What is so important to experience that you’re willing to feel a little anxious?

STEP 3: CONFRONT YOUR FEAR

This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most important one.
It might mean walking up to a pretty girl. It might mean talking to people you don’t know at a party. Or it might mean smiling at the cashier, asking your boss for a raise, or speaking up at a meeting.
There’s no easy way around it, and there are definitively no shortcuts. Be willing to feel the fear and do what matters most to you.
However, know that you don’t have to start with the scariest scenario. You can create a fear hierarchy, jotting down what scares you, and then start tackling the least scary item (e.g., saying “Hi” to a stranger) and working your way up to scarier tasks (e.g., asking a girl for her number).
The more often you face your fears, the better you’ll get at it.


Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Sober Life Daily

I have had a pretty good week. I am waiting for my new job to start. I start on Monday and I will be traveling every week with this job. I like the idea of getting out of town, but there is not much social life to traveling unless I make it. I can hit AA meetings in other cities at night and take my guitars with me and practice in the room, so I will have most of the comforts of home. Living daily sober takes changes evry now and then. It seems like I am changing everything at times to stay sober and making a living. This is good as my life progresses into a middle aged man that was once a drunk with a hangover every day. I would have to say daily I am grateful for my life and the things I have aquired and people that I have met in the AA program that has changed my thought pattern and life.I have had ups and owns but have dealt with this with God and others who know where I am in my recovery. It is a full time job staying sober. However faith without works is death.

Life is complicaated as you might make it or it can be a fulfilling promise of all the good in the world. I would like to think I am seeing good right now. I have a girlfriend who cares about me, she is in the program. Of course this type of relationship is confusing at times.So enjoy the sober life today and rock on with God.Chris

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Getting Hired When Your Sober

If your in a position like myself, getting hired is tough when there is literally no positions available. I live in Midland , Texas and this is oil field country. If you are a truck driver or have what is called fracing experience, you can have a job right away. If you are sober and looking to stay sober then you have to find a job that will not stress you out so much. When I sobered up I had very few skills and it hurts you when you get older and want to work, as companies will look the other way if you had no experience with the job in which is offered. My biggest problem is I am getting the interviews but I am competing with about 200 people for this one job. It is a statistical nightmare when I think I have the job only to find out they have found someone else better qualified. I am going on 6 months now and I do do part time work in fixing computers on my own. I work half my day driving for Uber and fixing personal computers and half the day searching online for jobs and applying.

There is no reason to drink about my situation , as it will not help me get a job. I also attend quite a few AA meetings as this is good for networking for work. However, in the oil patch things are starting to pick up and when this happens all industry picks up in this small city. I have thought about moving and that thought is still in the air, as I have a home that is paid for and family in this area. I will give it a few more months before I make a city move but not much longer. Health insurance is expensive but I have been able to keep on with my provider, and staying busy writing has helped when I get bored . Try to stay busy because idle hands gets us into trouble , but surely there is  a job out there for me. God willing and I do have a strong conviction to my Lord that he will help me in finding my next career move. Don't let up on the program of AA as you will need it even more right now to keep yourself sane.

If your in my place with not a full time job you know what I am going through. Part of this has been my fault for letting go of jobs that I should of held onto. I will admit I made a few mistakes and I am paying for this move right now. Please have a job before you leave one, as I did not do this a few times, I just quit and that will piss off the employer and make your resume stink, but there are ways around this mess, you just have to be creative. Stay sober and work through your life and consider all posibilities you can and God will help. Have a great day. Chris Hyer

Friday, October 28, 2016

Phone Interviews For the Recovering Alcoholic

It would seem as I get older and look for jobs that a phone interview for most people looking for work is normal.Where have the days of dressing nice and Resume in hand gone to? I remember having to drive quite a bit to go fill out an application , and I have to admit that I like the online idea of being hired. You fill out an application online, and everyone knows you are looking for jobs, some how? However , this is how I tend to get hired on to work for someone anymore. Nothing on the Internet is sacred. When I talk about my alcoholism that i went through , I am putting myself out there in never , never land and anyone can read about it. It does not bother me in the least as a alcoholic is suppose to help other alcoholics and the Internet makes this posible, even if you don't want people to find out about it.

It is like searching for a job, I was called from all over the USA this week and told about jobs in my little city of Midland , Texas. How did they know I was looking for work? Well, I know enough about computers that the cookies that are put into your browser, will stay up to 90 days and they sell information about what your looking at on the Internet and what your trying to do on the Internet. There is no secret to anything anymore.

I grew up as a "Baby Boomer", age group is what socialogist call my age, and lucky enough I am pretty savy about how to work the Internet and work on computers for that fact. Cell phones and andything that is connected to the Internet is pretty easy for me to understand. Hell, when I was drunk I use to try hacking sites and stuff and I got myself in trouble a few times. I'm not much into trying to hack anything at all cause big brother is watching and I really don't care about the inner world of the dark side of the Internet. Alcoholics are pretty smart individuals and I bet if you are reading this, you would agree with me on this statement. I drank because I was too smart and I celebrated my clever ideas and then I would get sick. Of course it took a while to take the cure, of not drinking, and then realizing how intelligent I really was back in my drinking days, I was also addicted to drinking to prove how smart I was and you were not. Vicious circle they call this attitude. It is a disease, they say and It is a mental illness. Well, it is what it was and I am glad today I don't have to drink. Have a good day. Chris Hyer

Friday, February 26, 2016

Social Sobriety and Friday Nights

It is Friday the 26th of February and the weekend is upon us again. This just goes round and round with me. One day just leads into another and since I am not Full time working yet, it really makes no difference what day this is.
I remember when I was drinking and smoking , that Friday was the start of a new party for the weekend, like the whole world was partying like I was because I had a few days off on the weekend and did not have to answer to anyone. When you sober up , it just becomes a holiday of sorts. You get to get out of the house and freshen up , buy groceries for the following week, clean house and vaccum carpets and play with the dog. I do a little bit of art painting sometimes on the however I write a lot more on the weekends and still am glued to the computer screen most of the time.
weekends ,
I enjoy these little flying drones I have picked up online for minimal money, and fly these when the weather is calm. They are fun for some reason, I guess to see if your going to crash or get it up high like a kite. In fact flying a kite would be cheaper and if you damage a kite , its pretty easy to replace a kite. That gives me another idea, go sly a kite.
I guess I do whatever I can to get out of myself. I have been know to go to Hobbs NM and go gambling on some weekends but I don't recommend this as a hobby to practice on every weekend. It canbecome another addiction and I have been addicted to this activity also. So whatever your plans are go to a meeting of AA if you can find the time. Meet with others and discuss your plans for the future or get some help with a problem. Then start the weeek on Monday being productive once again for the weekday...God Bless Chris

Friday, February 19, 2016

Social Sobriety Donations

I never thought I would get so low on my finances that I would ask for donations for this blog. The point is I have been unemployed for a while now , and if you find this material to be of substantial value to you, could you please make a donation to PayPal.com The email address associated with my account is chyervalue63@gmail.com. Anything would be appreciated and I will personally send a letter to each and every one of you who make a donation towards this blog and my life stance at it is. I have hit a bottom with income and the jobs I have lined up have not responded as of yet, so therefore my bank account is so low that I cannot grocery shop at this time. I am reaching out and praying to God that the people that visit this site will make a donation towards me and in the name of God as a good gesture of your fortune versus the predicament I am facing at this time.
I never thought it would get this bad for myself and my family. I have only this blog to reach out to other people for help that I do not know , but you know me, as I have been writing since 2011 I believe.
I will somehow pay you back in a way that may be a prayer for you or your money back in future time.This is a reach for hope that I have helped someone stay off drugs or alcohol with this blog and if I have please pay it forward to a person who is in need.I know nothing about oil and gas business and they are not even hiring right now, so I beg of you to give what you can so I may continue to bring you the words on this blog.
I am very aware that the entire country needs money in order to survive and I am just one person who is sober and living by the 12 steps of recovery asking for help. Maybe I am wrong in asking but too much time has passed and the good lord has asked me to reach out to my readers for help.
If you have extra to send to me by PayPal please send a note with the donation and I will return a Thank You letter with hope that you also will be blessed in a way that you might not find yourself as I am right now. God is working through me to work with you. Thank You and Life Is Good. Chris

Monday, February 15, 2016

Sobriety and Boredom

When I first set out to do this blog. I did it for myself to see how I either grew with AA and being sober or whatever. It was not really set up to sell things to people that come to my blog and I really was not trying to make any money off of this. I have not made money on this site anyway, even though I get like 300 hits a month, so someone is curious about me. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it is friends out there, or maybe I am helping someone that I dont know. But let me be honest with you on this blog post.
I get bored and that is why I write so much on this blog at times. I get inspired to write so I don't get boredom form being sober. Yep, I have the poor me syndrome today and for the last few months. I can't seeem to find a job in Midland, Texas and I am stuck at home most of the time, or going to AA meetings. I do not suggest that I am doing whats right. Maybe I am missing something out there. I use to drink alone and now would be the right time to start drinking cause I have nothing in my life to gain. I am really down right now, but the econopmy is down where I live also.What I am saying is I go online to look for work to send resumes out and nothing happens 70 percent of the time. It gets me down. I want to be productive, so I guess that means flipping burgers at Mcdonalds casue they are about the only p[eople in this ton that is hiring.
I dont know what to do, but drinking is not an answer..I do know that much, but the boredom I am experincing is overwhelming to me at this point in my life. I have a little money left in my savings and I can borrow , but for how long do I have to wait Lord? This is truly a shame that I am healthy and ready to do something. I made a few mistakes and did not take a couple of jobs, cause I did not want to do them. Now I regret this and paying the price. My own fault, but in reality I have never been this long out of work. It bothers the hell out of me, and my self esteem is shot..I wake up early in the morning to nothing. I am alive but for what?Damn life is just not easy.Thats all I have to say today..Chris

Friday, February 12, 2016

Being Positive when Feeling Negative in Sobriety

Sometimes it is hard to be positive with so much negativity in this world. When you get sober, and start to see the light. The world can be a positive one or it can look awfully negative. That is where the steps really come into play , is how to accept the good with the bad. You might of lost your spouse since you sobered up and are going through court. It is a difficult time for most people getting sober. You sometimes have to find a new job and this ads stress to your already existing problem of staying sober. Do not get overwhelmed, and take  it slow and one step at a time. If you let all these things hit your head at once, problems could began to unfold. Talk to your sponsor to see how you can weed this and that out. Staying sober is still number one, if you can stay sober these other obstacles will come into place sooner or later with Gods help.


Take positive steps in solving these mysteries you could not solve when you were drinking. It is very important to let the courts know that you have sobered up and intend on staying this way. Tell the courts you go to AA and please go to AA, just in case they check up on you. In  my AA group there is always a bunch that have to have court ordered papers to hand in to thier probation officer, keep these up and be honest about these. These papers are a test from the court to see if you can stay sober through a program for alcoholics. Even if you cannot relate to an alcoholic and have papers from the court I suggest you keep these up to date as they are checked.

Keep a smile on your face cause you are sober today, and any problem that comes before you can be solved through God and this program. You just have to believe this. Myself I get caught up into negative thinking all the time, so even seasoned alcoholics that are sober must remember where they came from in order to keep a positive outlook on the day.Life is not easy , even sober. However it is tolerable and things can be chaged to make your life positivve if you want them this way. You are the only one besides God that knows how to change your situation. Pray about this and the answer will come.Chris

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Social Sobriety - Get a Hobby!!

There is nothing worse than sitting on your ass passing the time away hoping for something to heppen. Belive me, I have been doing this for a while and getting fat and out of shape. I do things, but they all involve no exercise. I found out today just cleaning out my garage that i was winded and sore and tired out really quickly. I decided I was not going to quit , so I finished a project that was long over due.
It is easy to sit and get on a pity potty , cause like I said I have been there and hopefully this new experience has taught me to at least walk my dog every day
, and go a little more further each day. It is good to get sore and lose weight. A hobby of mine is painting and photography and flying drones. I noticed I was getting winded from just being in my living room flying these little drones in the main living room and this is not good.
Staying sober and healthy go hand in hand, I know this might sound stupid but activity does make you feel better after you have done it. I feel 100 % better now and I am tired enough to rest on the couch. I feel no guilt and I feel revived just from doing an activity one time.
I am going to practice this everyday to see how I lose weight and if my mood improves. I have a feeling this will help maybe one or two of you also.. Have a great weekend..Chris

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Hostile Sober Texans

The heading is misleading in the fact that Jade Helm 15 has declared that Texas is hostile on thier map for exercises in the Texas area this summer. Is this something to worry about? Supposedly not, because they are our American troops in these war games and they are our children, aunts and uncles that make up the USA Army and special forces. For a person getting sober though this can mean a time of great confusion. With all the conspiracy theories out on the internet about what is really going on with our government it could frighten the most highly decorated veteran.

To tear away from this army exercise I have to say this is the best time for a person to get sober and keep his feet on the ground and not make any hasty thoughts control your actions. I think the fear I have with this Jade Helm 15 is that some crazy local militia person goes crazy and pop shots one of our soldiers out of fear and all hell breaks loose. That is the fear I have about this Jade Helm training. I wish they would just call it off , so we can live our lives like we have. There has been too much abrogation in the media and on the internet as a full blown war against ourselves. However right the websites may or may not be, it is confusing to the general public as to whom to believe.

I live for God and I am a Christian and no one will change this. No one!!!I have stayed sober because of my belief in God and my Christian ways. I ask my fellow friends to remember who really runs our country and that is one nation under God..Therefor we have no fear to fear. Remeber the army is on our side even if given orders to disrupt our peace and freedom , I don't think the USA forces woudl implament a plan to invade our home towns. I do believe this has been blown out of proportion and the conspiracy theories are not too far off their intentions, but we are talking about US forces, not Russian or any other country practicing on our soil.

STay sober and just be aware of yourself and how you feel. Let someone know if you have concerns about living life sober. A sponsor is what this is called in AA. Do not go out and buy a gun because of this army exercise, that would be stupid. Trouble enacts trouble and fears run rapid amongst those whom do not believe that God will take care of all of us in the end..

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Changing Sober Times In April 2015

Every day is a new day, we have to accept things we do not want to accept at times. Changes in and around us, affect us and we have to let go. If not , we get caught up in the hoop of poor me syndrome!! I , personally have been having the blues a bit lately, maybe because my birthday just past and i am now 52 and the world is moving strangely in a direction not familiar with most people.

 I live in Midland, Texas and you know about the Walmarts that have been closing in and sround the Midland, Texas area and other areas of the country. It is none of my business what the reason is and it does seem a little bit unreal, with all the conspiracy theories surrounding this and the military exercises that are taking place just around the corner from this city and possibly in the city.

We live one day at a time, and if we stay close to God miracles will happen just like staying sober. There is nothing to fear but fear itself!!! If you have a reason to be fearful it is normal, in a since. However to stress out and wonder about the future is not a correct assessment of what sober humans do. We are just a drink away from knocking ourselves into oblivion and possible death. The disease of Alcoholism is a punishment we all have lived with and yet if you are like me, it has been a wonderful enlightening way of life.

Yes, it is different to stay sober during times where we have no control. I have to speak for myself, I want control even being sober at times and yet I have to re- learn that I have no control over people, places and events. I believe in a loving God and no one can take that from me. No one will take this from me!!I pray for good health and for my family and friends and I have done this for over seven years of sobriety. May 2015 will be my seventh year without any substance to alter my mind. Therfor this is a milestone I have not ever past before.

I have grown up as a man and learned new ways of living without close codependency upon my family and learned to pay my bills on time and keep healthy by visiting a Dr. when needed. What else can a person do but hit AA meetings when you feel the need or at least for me it is about twice a week if not more at times when I am a little bit out of whack with the universe. I get a little bit paranoid some days , and then I have to remember that God is with me and he understands why I am who I am..I pray every single hour at times even while I drive during work and this helps me in a way that only a true recovered Alcoholic can understand or some religious person that believes in a spirit that is bigger then him or her. That is one point I have to remember is God is Huge!!!He is spirit , He is in me, He is my father.He either is everything or nothing , it says in the Big book. He is everything to me. 

My baby Lab watching me eat in the kitchen!!!
I have to know that I am OK with me!!In writing about these things I am OK with whom I am and have become. I am only a man living in a society that is messed up and I let God carry me at times to point A to connect with point B , because I do not have the will at times. It's easy to forget God is in our lives, with so much crap in this world. However I have learned to take a meditation break and just lay down on the couch and talk with God and ask questions to him for 30 minutes, and I sem to be good to move on day by day!!God Bless The USA....Christopher...

Monday, October 27, 2014

Focused and Sober , Today!!

There are a lot of good things that happen when you stay sober, and one of them is being focused on your life and what's around you. I have been through many trials and tribulations while in the last six years of my sobriety. We all have been in actuality. How we handle these issues when they arise is a proven ability of God working within us. If you truly believe in God and pray for others and yourself, you will always be alright in the outcome of the possibilities of nature and life. Staying focused on what you are doing and saying is key to living sober.

Stay Focused!!
I have been staying focused on my spiritual program for a long time. Even when I was drinking I was in complete contact with God, as I remember back. I , did however use my conscious contact with God in a different manner, than I do now. I am a more caring person that makes things happen, good and not so good. I make mistakes but I know when and how I did these mistakes now.

I have found a new love in life that I cannot explain. A new reason to get up early and get ready for the coming day and to see what awaits me. SOmetimes it's not exactly what I want but that is life. I do the job and I end up feeling good about what I have done. Never fails!! God Bless and Stay Focused!!Chris 10.27.2014