My Name Is Chris and I am a Alcoholic

 Damn not use to this blogger interface. Hi , hope all is well with you today or tonight. My name is Chris Hyer an I write a diary on my drinking over the years of sobriety. That would be 11 going on 12 years  of no alcohol.One day at a time. Yes that is really true, they have been trying times. There have been problems along the way, but nothing that God could not heal.

Not a one thing in 11 years has God let me down. I have felt like I have let God down over the years . To quit drinking is where you start. That is the hardest part of this program. Is to quit doing something that makes you feel good , but then it kills your internal organs and we cannot drink as much as we would like. Given one might possibly have 20 drinks , that old saying has been going around AA for years and I do not agree totally with it. Just take it one Evening ,morning, whenever you drink try not to. IT will not work, unless you have done this many times then who knows.

 

I thought for sure that Covid would do it for me and my sobriety, but no I am confused about this virus and how it attacks, and it is a killer.This is time for high anxiety for me, and your damn right I take a Xanax for this trouble the China government gave to the World a deadly and scary ass show of power that we seem to not display at certain points in our government. Back to stopping that one drink, try not to go to the store you usaually buy beer or liquor and go by a Coke at another store. This is your safe zone, you just beat a beer. Now get your ass to a AA Meeting..lol             

Casino Closed & Virus Drinking

Ok this is going to really piss a few people off, maybe not. Im alcoholic and sick minded anyway however sober and grateful. The Virus, man, we are going to have to listen about this for the rest of our lives. Very hard hitting virus this is,I have been blessed healthy during this time. I take pre cautions at times then at other times I for get this whole thing is going on.

So is there anything about drinking when a fucking vrus that wipes out thousands of people who are just like you and I. Young and old, hell I think this is a great reason to drink and then I feel honestly if I started drinking again I would have to quit again or I die. So I only have one option. That is to not drink and I have suffered a little bit and I just got 11 years as of this month, and I feel a little uncomfy about my sobriety right now. That is why I am writing, just to get this out of my mind.

I bet a lot of people went back to drinking in AA because there are a few that use the AA group as thier way of staying sober. I find I like the meetings but not all the time, but it does feel good to go. Oh well I will check back and send me your thoughts. Smile God is?

Is Alcohol a Disease?

Is Alcohol a Disease? The final conclusion I found is that it is an addiction for the brain, and destroys the liver and affects the lives around us. The AMA does not conclude that this is a disease but a mental illness. One that can be controlled only by quitting and stopping the obsession to desire for a alcoholic drink. The only way for me was God and AA.

Why am I here tonight? I gave up drinking and smoking 10 years ago because the two chemicals I was using were keeping me awake and therefore I was having delusions. My brain was deteriorating. I was speaking so fast that I could not keep my words up to my thoughts, I knew I was dying, but I accepted this as a part of me. I liked being a speed talker and not listening, I was right you were wrong. I was really just plain sick!!

Why AA? Three years of being dry, I wanted to be around others that were not drinking. I started coming to AA weekly. I got a sponsor this time around and God bless him as he is my friend also who is a pilot, one occupation I always wanted to be.

What is the future for me? I cannot predict the future but I can say I will not go back to drinking. How can I say this, I just look back to the last time I hit bottom, and the distress I did to myself and my Mother.

The Steps of AA Why? This is a way of living for anyone wanting to quit anything, eating to much ice cream, drinking too much, quitting a habit is what the 12 step program is. It is spiritual and connects one to God and God is either everything or he is nothing. I chose that God is everything to me.

How I made it 10 years? One day at a time and praying each and every morning and night for God to be with me and my family and to please keep me sober one more day. This is so easy but I had to believe and I do. God exist in each and every one of us, even the agnostic person who hates God, God is with you. Just look around and see the plants and animals, these are not scientific these are God given gifts.

My mother—She has stuck with me over 53 years and never let up on me, Yes she and I do not agree on some things but in recent years, I have learned that she is smarter than I gave her credit for. I have so much to learn from her. God blessed me a good life and I shall keep it as good as I can.

The End- God created us to be friendly and loving towards each other, this can be difficult. We run to alcohol and drugs to make life easier, but it is temporary until we want to feel good again, then we indulge even more alcohol and more stronger drugs. Until we reach a point our bodies can’t take it. Then we crash or hit our bottom. You either die or get help and help yourself. No one can do this program for you.

Chinese Surprise Gift to The USA, The Virus

I am going to start out by saying I do not blame American Chinese citizens that have a corupt way of life. North China always had a love to rule over anyone they can, well it looks like they have succeeded in wiping out the 144 countries that now have the virus. The USA is and will be hit hard with death. So what about drinking to that for about 6- 12 months of sitting at home and drinking and partying and collect checks that wont last a month for most Americans. Not a good idea but  I wonder who or how many alcoholics have lost their sobriety over this war. I am afraid that there will be a few that give in, I know I thought about it. Go to Colorado and buy me some legal weed and drive it back to Texas and if lucky not get caught and sit at home with a few cases of beer and my smoke and block out the news and listen to The Def tones 24hrs a day. Isolation breeds frustration as yes the thought came to mind but reality check I might get thrown in jail and that would really suck at a time like this. I have ten years of sobriety and I have this plan because of the virus.This blog I write for myself so I can look back, and see when I get older than the 56 yrs I am.

Maybe you have thought of similar ways to really fuck up your sober life over the virus. Good reason and I dont blame a single one for falling off the wagon.It can be scary to know that at the minimum the news says 100k to 200k on 3/31/2020 will die  in the USA. My god, the devil is playing games and god is seeing how people will react, in my opinion. He is judging us and our actions as God loves everyone but we get spanked and this time God used a belt and its going to really hurt a lot of women , children and men that did nothing but work hard and lived life as God wants it, not as how we want life.

Hard to swallow why a God like ours would let the world fall apart but there is a reason. I do not know this reason nor do you. My opinion is this is Gods way of telling the people that we are not living right, or should I say the sinners, you and I ask for forgiveness and then we do it again what we did wrong. The world is full of Christian humans but maybe not enough to control the situation?

All I can say is if you are sober you must believe in God, period, not some damn pole like they say in AA, as to pick someone more powerful than you. Well God and the Devil are more powerful than any of us, so who you going to get on your knees for? The devil fucked up my life and God brought me back to my senses. It took a while as the devil was busy and still is with me. I damn this devil that is killing innocent lives, God loves us, he is not punishing us for being human he knew when Adam And Eve we were to be his sinners and to ask for Gods help in need. However how many used the God phone and use it daily? Im addicted to the spirit of the lord and I may not live through this year 2020, and thats ok. God will make this decision, not any President, but Trump has done and is doing a job no one could do, give him credit. Sure he is an asshole but he is a leader.Hillary Clinton can you imagine her in this mess. Shit Im not poised to any political party but I base it on the person. I am glad that Bozo the clown Obama is not involved that pussy of a president.

We have our fearless leader, God. I think and practice praying for everyone in the world and pray for yourself. I dont know why AA says do not ask for selfish presents, why not if you are hurting.I pray for you who reads this crap I wrote but I tend to be a little pissed we have not Nuked N China over this, might as well do it now also. Have a healthy life and dare to come back for more from me. I love everything and eeryone in the world, the problem is they who do harm to people should pay for this or we all will pay for this. There is no tomorrow for sure and even now that is even stronger to say. Try God    Chris

Sobriety in 2020, A New Year For 10 Years

Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Chris and I am a recovering alcoholic for over ten years straight now as of 2020. The last year was a challenge as all years are with sobriety. Drinking alcohol is not even in my vocabulary or thoughts these days. It is just not a part of my life anymore. I hear people in AA talk about alcohol and re- read the Big Book so many times that I wonder if this is the only way some people can stay sober. Not a popular thing to say but the only time I think of alcohol and the past is when I go to AA. Now that is not a good thing for me however I still go because maybe it has helped me stay sober for this long but I attribute my sobriety to my spiritual beliefs and how I conduct my life on a daily basis. I do not have time to drink alcohol or even at that I cannot even conceive having a hangover. This is not acceptable to me, I cannot live in this manner and to slip and go back to drinking is not possible in my head.Its been one more year 2019 that I have lived without a drink and do I think of alcohol , not really. There is no place in my life for this luxury.

I believe one must reach a point in his sobriety where the mentality of drinking is just not there anymore. The thoughts of getting loaded are gone after an amount of time. I made my mind up the first year that no more alcohol was to be had with me. It had caused me too many problems with my life. Ruined relations and jobs in which I had many. AA is good for people that want to stop drinking but in the long term one must come to rely upon himself that this is the kind of life you will live one day at a time. The rewards for not drinking are abundant but not realized after a period of non drinking. Its just life without getting stoned drunk on a daily basis. Of course some will like what I am saying others will debate me on AA, as I think AA is a crutch for some alcoholics. They need the AA and Big Book read over and over day after day to stay sober. After a while it just sinks into my brain and remember what passages I liked and helps me and yes I read "How it works", almost daily to remind me of who I am.Therefor , I am not saying AA has not helped, it has but in the end I am the one with the money and hands to pick up a drink from the store and start the madness all over again and that is called insanity to me. I have enough mental problems to not throw in alcohol with the existing anxieties and depression I might have from time to time. I read on how to help myself in those situations or give it up to God and we work on the problem. Running is so easy to do yet facing the facts I have a problem and working through my issues have made me stronger and a better person than I was ten years ago.

So sobriety in 2020 will be no different unless I have to change in a manner to keep my sobriety intact. This is very important in all my affairs is to stay sober even when times are not going that well. Yes it is not an easy task at times but that is when I go to AA and my friends that do not drink will listen to me and I listen to them and every thing seems to go ok for that moment.I keep reading and praying all during the day is my secret to living a sober day. Hopefully others have learned the art of using a hgher power than themselves to go to and listen to problems that might arise on a daily basis.

I wish everyone a great new year and if your thinking about quitting alcohol , then that is just wonderful and I wish you the best!! Happy New Year Chris

Time Moves Forward with a Clear Head

Alcohol, and drugs can blur our minds, and make us believe in things that are not true. When I sobered up , reality was hard to handle . I battled reality through my sobriety and still wanted things to go my way for almost 10 years. We all want things to work out just like we intend them, however this is not happening. Believe in God and things or days will go with the flow and nothing will over whelm you that you cannot live with. It is a two way street , you must accept those things that use to baffle us and continue to baffle us, but do not try to control them. Life is a struggle and it is tough at times but if you stay close to the 12 steps of living life day to day then all will be better just not exactly the way you might have expected.
Change is something we alcoholics are pretty good at. If you think about it we changed where we lived in hopes of stop drinking when we were in a new place but continued to drink. Change when one is sober is good but can be strange and scary. This is when you pause take a deep breath of fresh air and let go and let God into life. The answer will come, your body will go into motion at times reluctantly but usually for a positive reason for you at this time of day. Hopefully you understand what I am saying. I have ten years of sobriety and live life one day at a time. I do not consciously do this but it has become habit. I don't think to far in the future , I stay in the moment and try to see what I can give all the day to others. Try this in your life and see how it goes. Take Care. Chris

Does Drinking Consume Your Life?

Does Drinking Consume Your Life?

By Chris

Does drinking alcohol consume most of your off time? Then you might be alcoholic, do You drink because you have to have the rush alcohol gives to you. Do you often black out from too much to drink? Well, these are examples of drinking too much but does it mean you cannot control your life because of these habits? These are things in life to consider if it takes up your lifetime. In other words, do you spend time with your wife drunk most of the time and around your family? You are the only one that can stop the insanity. Now you did not want to hear that but this is true. No one can make someone sober. You can encourage a person to get help, but don’t be rude about it. Try informing this drinker that maybe he or she should not drink because of this and that problem in your life.

Treatment centers surround themselves with the 12 step program, but is this outdated? It still works is what some would say and it is the only way. I do not subscribe to this theory as I have seen time and time again an alcoholic attends meetings right and left then went back to drinking so AA will not save you so who the fuck will save your drunk ass. You, and that is a hard concept to take hold of. You are in control and you know this deep down, but unable to admit it to your inner self or to God. Yes, God is the spirit that has made you and brought you into this world. If you don’t believe me on God I will surely debate you. No, you do not have to attend church, but it would not hurt going. I do not go to church but I feel good after I go for some reason. I guess for me I am blessed and maybe you are also that drinking is a blackout of my life substance I do not think of. So why the blog, well it is to document my progress through my ten years of sobriety, coming in May 2019. The trials and miracles that have happened to me. Nothing too far out but I have and still am growing up with sobriety. Social sobriety is the world and how I interact with life sober and conduct myself. Enjoy Life Today 3.30.2019

Sober and Making Mistakes

Just because I am sober does not mean I don't make big mistakes. I make mistakes every day and I pray that I stop but I am so bullheaded that I continue on making stupid mistakes. I sin, and therefore in God's book, I am normal to that extent. However I grow each day that I am sober, I step back two steps and forward one step. It would seem I lack self-discipline or dislike it. I am not sure what will come to me the next day, I change jobs like I change underwear because I don't like this or that and this has put me in a bind. I just cannot get comfortable with myself, maybe you experience these issues. I disappoint people still and I disappoint myself. How do I stay sober? I pray a lot and go to AA and I do not want to feel the alcoholic bad ever again, that is why I don't drink. Beside that I am honest to an extent, I cannot lie and get away with it.

Making mistakes that hurt people are not what I intend to do but at times this is what happens. It makes me sad to hurt a person especially a family member, but I get defensive at times and bow up over things I could have done differently. We all make mistakes if human, and some more often then others. I recognize this and that is why I am writing about mistakes and being sober. God knows when I was drinking I made huge mistakes and I paid for them dearly.

I probably need to hit more meetings and work my program, because I am coasting on the sober hiway right now, which does not feel

 right. Have a good day. Chris

The Superbowl Sober

Well in our country the number one show last night was the Superbowl 53 which was quite a game. I remember past Superbowls for the last ten years but beyond that, I was always drunk. Yes, beer was to be had for sure at a Superbowl party, no excuses, however, that is not true. It took me a long time to realize that every occasion something special happens is not a drinking occasion. This was one of those nights, so what did I do? I don't watch football much at all anyway, but I did enjoy being safe at home and watching the colorful game by myself, without alcohol. That is how I live my life. I am sure there were a group of AA people watching the game but I really switch between channels when I watch football. Since being sober I spend a lot of my time alone anyway and this night was no different than any other night for Chris. I am not lonely, I just prefer to enjoy what I want to do and I enjoy being by myself for the most part. When I am in groups I talk and enjoy a group crowd for a little bit then I am ready for my time. There is a new book out on people like myself that just enjoys being alone and having to entertain me is not too hard. I have a recording studio with instruments and I can let my feelings come out in my music. It is very therapeutic and it calms me when stressed, it is my alcoholic memory that use to stifle my artistic creation of music. I listen to tracks I cut back when I was high or drunk and some are good and some are terrible. Being sober they are mostly good tunes that I create and share on a different program online and make money.

So you don't have to drink on these special occasions like a football game or Christmas or when it is Monday, lol. Once you can get a grip on the fact that alcohol does you no good, will you understand what I am talking about? Life has it's up and downs and right now I am neutral in how I feel. I was hit in the rear of my new vehicle last week and usually, that would have pissed me off, but now I am just waiting for the damage to be fixed and that's all I can do. Sure I could sue this fellow for a few things but that is not what this life is about, to get back at someone that made a mistake. God knows I make several mistakes every day. Have a good one,
Chris

Today Is A New Day and There May not Be a Next Day

We have all heard the saying, "live today as it was your last day". This is true in life as we really don't know what will happen tomorrow, or if we will live that long. I was hit in my car by a big pickup and shattered my life for just a few seconds, what happens when you are in shock of what just happened. The one thing about accidents is when they shock you, a thought in the back of my head is ok, am I alright? Am I dead? then all of a sudden you wake up, this takes only a few milliseconds after an accident. Then you realize that you are alive and now what is my next action to be. Reality comes into play and you think of what could have happened. Like when you use to drink too much, at times you might have done this with intentions of not waking up the next morning. Then when you inflict this type of drug or pain on your body you wake up hurting and feeling worse than ever. I am pretty sure we have all tried to make ourselves miserable but not on purpose usually. If I could only drink a case of beer and wake up feeling good and up early in the morning not thinking of how bad my head hurts and that nasty taste in my mouth from beer in the morning.

Life is unusual, we all test our limits or at least I have in most everything I do.I am sober almost 10 years and I have no desire to take one drink. I think that is a miracle from God as it was difficult to quit and also I stopped smoking cigs. So that is two habits that I stopped at a treatment center because I wanted to, and I pray about it daily and still read and go to AA meetings. I don't rely on anything but myself for not drinking. I do believe that AA is very important to go to, however, it can become old and addictive in itself. However, it is good for your soul when your tired and lonely, go to an AA meeting and get something good out of it. Usually, you will.

Living one day at a time is still difficult for me as I look toward the future. I do not think it is bad, to actually predict what I might do the next day if God lets me live for this day. We have to make plans but yes they do get altered, and sometimes a surprise will come about in a good way that we did not expect. So try to stay sober one day at a tie, go to AA when you need it, and pray to God for letting you live in the moment. Chris

One Way to Start You Day Sober

The alarm bell goes off.

You slowly open your eyes.

A new day lies before you.

A day of unexplored potential and opportunities. Not only out there in the world, but inside of yourself too.

So how can you get your day and more importantly yourself off to great and self-esteem boosting start today?

Well, one good way to get off to a good start is to have a note, a reminder on your bedside table that will be one of the first things you see after you have woken up.

A simple suggestion for what to write down on your note to boost your own self-esteem consistently each morning is...

Set a low bar for self-appreciation.

Write down: "Today I will set a low bar for self-appreciation". Read it and try to keep it in mind during the day.

Do not only appreciate yourself today when you do something perfectly or when you do something really important.

Instead, appreciate the little things too.

How you did the dishes today. How you replied to a whole bunch of emails.

How you are kind and helpful to your kids, partner or friends.

Make a decision to be kind to yourself today. To appreciate the good things that you do but you and others may take for granted.

Be your own best friend and keep lifting yourself, your mood and self-esteem upwards step by small step today.

Get some kindness over breakfast.

Instead of watching the news or reading the usual papers and magazines and getting a negative, subtly self-destructive and perhaps depressing start to your day do something that will inspire you and make you feel good about yourself.

Read one or a couple of new posts or newsletters from uplifting and self-esteem boosting blogs or websites.

Read a chapter from a book that makes you feel good about yourself.

Or have a kind, appreciative and warm conversation with the people closest to you around your kitchen table.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

CBD and Addiction

CBD which is from Hemp plants is being used on virtually everything we like. You can use it as a cream, smoke it, take it in liquid form, etc. Is it good for you? I would have to say that I tried it and might still be interested in this product for addiction. I have found I do not crave andy drug or alcohol with CBD. That does not mean anything except that I think there might be some popular ideas for this CBD in recovery for addicts. Who knows how far pharmacology and CBD will proceed. If you read the Internet on the benefits of CBD, you might think it is a miracle drug. Yet, when Prozac came out it was thought to be the intelligent pill to get from Dr.s and this turned out negative. There are not any real recent findings from The Mayo clinic or other recognized studies except a few you will find on Epilepsy cure for children that CBD seems to appear to help. Thousands of stories from people trying Hemp and CBD has made a few of us confused. They are making coffee with Hemp and cola is coming out with CBD soon. The 2014 Farm Bill was signed by Mr. Trump last week and that has made it legal to grow in the USA, and there are no miracle drug claims by the government.

My take is am I breaking my sobriety by using Hemp myself? I would say no because I do not get high from this product. What does it do for me? It is like the calm after a storm type of feeling. Not overly good feeling like Marijuana or alcohol., yet a relaxing break in your life while on CBD. How long does it last? It depends on how you take it. Smoking Hemp will make the CBD instantly come into your bloodstream and you feel a peaceful calm and that is about it. Some call this a body high, whatever the fuck that means. I never felt high, but relaxed and ready to just sit back and take it easy, without being high or any mind-altering way.

Can CBD help with addiction? Possibly those answers are in the internet and of course, people are going to say yes it is good and part will say it adds problems. I take chances but not with my sobriety, therefore
 beware of what you read from me.lol.....Chris

Find Your Inner Demon and Stop Addiction

All of us have a demon type disease that wants pleasure from activities that are or could be harmful to your health. Maybe you have no addictions, if not you would not understand where I am coming from. However, built-in addicted persons are this evil pleasure maker for addicts. We get off on feeding this evil being by drinking too much or any type of drug addiction. This applies to all addictions including gambling, that we want to feel different than we do right this second. Some of us are willing to hand this over to God and AA to get rid of the affection in alcohol. This also means you will probably have another addiction to take the pleasure point in your body to new highs. We, addicts, choose to smoke, drink to much coke, or ice cream and cake, and a good portion of us are overweight in eating to control our nerves. Try to discover those things that you might be doing that are probably not good for you and that you may be obsessed with what might be killing yourself such as snuff and cigarettes for example. We alcoholics can get addicted to most everything pleasurable in our lives. It can make for a big mess in your sober life. Trading addictions have bothered me from day one, and I still work on them. I am not trying to be perfect just sane and a member of the community, sober. Just a Thought. Chris

Slot Machines and Drinking, Are they the Same?

I am an avid gambler an addicted gambler, there I have admitted it in front of millions of people. I am not proud of this activity, but it is the truth. I am also an alcoholic with nine years of sobriety. The problem I run into in life in addition to most everything that I find appealing. I am not aware of my problem until I hit a bottom of some sort, and with casinos online and offline, I have hit a bottom. Damn, another problem to add to my list, but do most people have problems of the sort? I am not sure but I know I have addiction problems with most everything that gives me a rush of adrenaline. I came upon some money at Christmas that was not expected and what didi do with it. I gambled 70 percent of it and lost and won, but in the end, I was broke. Feeling stupid and guilty of what I have done I expressed what has happened to a couple of people and they just looked at me like whats new Chris?

SO once addicted to drugs, alcohol, and whatever, I am marked for life by my family. I am very lonely in my life and I try not to be. Should I change where I live, change jobs, I have no friends except for AA and they Fuck up also like I do and laugh. I find no humor in being addicted to things that please me, in fact, I get very depressed and feel isolated. I pray to God for answers and I might not be listening. Do you have other addictions in your life besides alcohol? Let me know so I don't feel like the only one out here living this life. Please comment on this topic or others if you will. This page gets about 50 hits a day so I know people are reading my personal journal that I have decided to post in a blog for myself.

Living sober is one day at a time, however living life is many days at a time for me. I have to think of the future and my past, as the past never really goes away. It is smeared by my brain but too old friends and family,
my past is well alive. They are grateful that I don't drink today but it is all the other things in my world I have to deal with that get so damn confusing at times. Have a good New Year! Please comment. Chris

Sober after The Holidays

It's been nine years since I have taken a drink of alcohol, and I have to say that a holiday without alcohol is ok with me. After the first few years, it was strange to not drink during the entire Holiday binge. I missed out a lot of Christmas's and was a mellow drunk back in the day anyway, so most did not know I was wasted. Thank God another year is about to come I guess. I can't stop it but I can make changes to my behavior that need fixed/ One thing is to find more to do with my spare time beside housework, get involved and socialize, I am very closet minded and comfortable in my little own world, which can be a hazard to my health, I get to thinking too much. This is called boredom I think, here it has been almost ten years and I love life, need to change my personal habits such as sitting on the couch and watching TV and resting. Maybe it is just a case that I am not used to knowing how to rest? I was always on the go when I was younger I am 55 and a man and I have been thinking about writing a book as a hobby and of course for the money. I also think my book can provide some people with insight into life. So it would be a positive thing to do, except my Internet Gambling gets in the way. Yeah, been playing for about 8 years and lost more than I made and this is another addiction I have to address this year.

Addiction is all around my body, whether it is chocolate cake or steaks, I can make an addiction that is hard to break out of anything I do. This is built in every addicted person's body I hear with alcoholism. How to treat it is by AA terms by going to meetings and reading the Big Book. I have to say they might be partly right but it is me who has to do the work on changing constantly and it is not a chore just an inconvenience to me. You may find that I am on a level with you and I am just telling the story of your own life in a fashion. I am sober and I can communicate, and I am smart. I just make a lot of mistakes, some on purpose to see the outcome and some I did not even know I was saying or doing. The holiday sober look for me was normal. I am very shy around my family, maybe it is guilt from the years of making an ass out of myself. I am just me and that is all we can be. The good, bad, and ugly. Enjoy the new year and I hope to be starting my book soon, once finished I will let you know. It is a self-help book for those who are looking for work but just don't know how to go about this.I have a lot of tips and advice that I have come around the last few years.See you in 2019!! Please comment if you like. Chris 12/29/2018

Nine years of Sobriety and 5 Months of CBD Buds

Like I have said before I write this journal or blog for myself. I am not trying to impress anyone or tell my whole life story. Recently for the past five or six months, I have been trying CBD , which if you do not know what it is let me explain.
CBD from Hemp is what I was smoking, it does not get a person high but it does have healing properties for much medical use. Now, what medical use did I use it for was anxiety or panic? I will say that I tried Vaping CBD, and I thought it did nothing. Then I found out you could buy this like Marijuana flowers or buds. I purchased the Buds legally at a Vape store in my city. I rolled up Hemp cigarettes and smoked a few hits over the span of the last few months. The funny thing is I felt like it was helping me with Panic and possibly was, or was it just that I missed the taste of real pot and the smell and buds were beautiful. The only problem is CBD is not regulated nor is specified what type of Nutrient, Hemp can be, plus the negative bonus of having .03% THC in Hemp plants can cause a false positive on a drug test.

Well, how the hell can they sell stuff like CBD and my city law is not doing anything about it, yet a federal law says it is legal but also illegal at the same time. I decided to completely stop smoking Hemp Buds the other day. They were not bothering me , however I did not want to start another addiction to a Nutrient, Drug, or whatever it is that is being sold all over the USA in disguise and too many questions of the legal authority to use or not use this CBD is not clear yet in Texas and many other states.

I will say I did not drink with my use but I am not sure where this may fit into my sobriety for nine years. Did I blow it by smoking Hemp? I am not sure, but I am thinking, No. It is my life and I got no high but I was curious and tried this as a medicine for my panic attacks.I do not think I can judge others for trying CBD as I have read everything good about it except for the .03% THC that might cause you to fail a drug test. Very confusing, any answers to this would be appreciated. Have a good day. Chris

Feelings and Sobriety, They do Exist

Feelings are very prevalent in our lives. There is nothing I do that does not involve a feeling of the sort. I use to try to block out my feelings with alcohol and drugs, but now being sober for almost 10 years, I have to deal with every single one ( Feelings). It's funny but I run from myself I believe so I don't have to face a feeling at certain times. This could be laying down on the couch with the TV running and not feeling a thing but comfort that I am not working and I am blessed to have a roof over my head. However, I talk a lot about being blessed when I write but when in reality I do not think about the spiritual experiences that have happened until I have usually done the task. Life is a trip and hopefully, you can follow my crazy mind, but this is my blog so I can be as crazy as I want.

I just got off a work trip and It is Saturday and I have been taking care of chores and errands that I did not get to do when I was out of town. I guess this is normal but I hate not being organized and when I came back home last night from work, I got busy and washed my clothes for the following week and did a few other things that need to be done in the future. I guess the feeling of living out of control does not appeal to me in my sobriety. I am obsessed with a clean house and a clean vehicle. I take good care of the..Chris
things I have, in the past I did not. Life changes so much when you sober up and when you take that one moment to think how good life really is now that your feelings get put into place, life gets better

Do You Test Sobriety?

 I am out of town, working and it seems to be a test of my sobriety when I travel. Whether I have to fly or drive and how far I have to go seem to fall in place. I know I will not drink but temptations to have a drink with a group of fellow workers are always there when I travel. I read the bible in the Hotels is what I do and I watch movies from my PC on their big screen TV in the rooms. I usually stay at 4 to 5-star hotels with a restaurant and bar located inside the place. I guess you could say I isolate myself, but in the end, I have no hangover in the morning and watching fellow workers come in smelling of alcohol makes me feel like I do the right thing. Change is what we had to do in order to preserve our sobriety, and change is what I had to do on trips and being tested on drinking.

It would be interesting to hear some of your stories in traveling sober? I would welcome these ideas from the reader of this blog. One thing I should do is find an AA meeting at night and get out of my room. However, I am tired from the day and do not want to get into traffic and weather so I do not usually do this. My bad I know. I do not feel very unusual for not drinking with my co-workers, I have to live my life and they have to live their own. It's just another test from God to see what Chris is going to accomplish on each journey in his life to stay sober. Nine years is a lot of years for me not to drink and it means I have tried and prayed about my sobriety for every day. It is ongoing and it is easy, but it can cause one to struggle with the evil ones.lol Chris

Sobriety How important is it?

I have been sober now over nine years, and I thought of this question this morning. Since I quit alcohol that many years ago, it really is not a part of my living life. I focus on other things like chores and work and knowledge about future events. I don't look back and regret my situation as much. Yes, I would have changed a few things in my last but maybe that is how my life was to be lived so I might live the future in a sober place and sober mind. I am not saying that sobriety is not important as it is the most important part of my life for me to be able to do my work and other things in life. Once you get a hold of living this way and understand that going back to living with alcohol is not going to he help in a positive manner with items that are depressing or negative then you have reached a cure. Yes, I said a cure for alcoholism is possible when you do not reach for the bottle in times of happiness and or sorrow, or either thinking of drinking. There have been thoughts of drinking but they are destructive thoughts and they go away very quickly. I never want to go back nine years from now and have to re-live what I have learned in these nine years.

I wish a part of my life was different and if I had not been alcoholic what would be the outcome. However, I do not think of this very much. You cannot go back in time only move forward with the power of god and the training and learning from AA that will teach you to stay away from dangers of drinking. Staying away from crowds that drink or old friends that drink is the best medicine I can offer. Yes, it can be lonely at times of celebration or when there is a loss of family life, however, if you believe in God you realize we will all die at some point in life that is a given. If we die sober that means we have done our best in the present to be the good law-abiding citizens for our lives. I think God is proud of us that take measures to lose weight if that is what we chose to stay healthy and then there are times where we do not have control such as the many cancers that kill so many good people and they did not bring about this problem as most alcoholics do have control over if they drink or drug. I don't buy it that we do not have control over our intake of certain substances we consume. I eat too many donuts in the morning at times than I back off cause I know it is not healthy for me. You learn a lot when you are sober even when you feel boredom come across, its how you deal with God and being lonely or hurting that will build you up as it has done for me and so many others. God Bless and Be Free from alcohol and start living a life that will make you smile.
Chris

Sobriety and Being Alone

You are never alone. You might think so since there is no one in the house with you. But really, God is with you or your higher power is near you if you are sober right now. I thought about this since I am usually alone at night. However, I have a Labrador that I love and treat her like a human. plus the almighty spirit I call God, to whom sees my actions and keeps me from loneliness every single day. It takes a little bit of time to accept this. However, with myself and what I do for work, I know God is with me during the day and the night. He never runs away, he is in me. I'm not God but I believe the spiritual God I worship is inside me. That is how he can tell me when the oven is hot don't touch it with my hand. If I start thinking stupid drinking thoughts, he rids these almost immediately. I never thank him enough. I don't think a person could love his God as I do mine. You have to love yourself a little bit for God to come into your soul and speak to you. Maybe not words as much as actions from the spirit I pray to all the time. I am not ashamed of prayer or for whom I am praying for.

Yes, I pray for myself, just as long as it helps others. I pray for the world that believes in a higher power and for them to have what they desire. We all want to feel needed and loved. If you learn how to accept yourself for whom you are, the love shines inside out of your body. You turn into a good human to be around. Even if it's with your animal that loves you unconditionally, I believe they have a spirit that is a miracle from God that enables us to love animals. They are comforting and loving no matter how most people act. Ok, since this is my site I am going to plug my Website , I could use a sale or two. The prices are quite cheap, and free shipping. Ok,
I will stop at that, but please help a recovering alcoholic that is trying to spread the word of love with my prayers and my words. Have a nice day.