Sunday, October 15, 2017

Sex and Sobriety

Well, sex is the object of my blog today. Sex is non-existent in my life so far in the past few years of sobriety. Why? I guess part of it is I don't go to bars on Friday and Saturday nights looking for sex. I never did even when I drank. I might be old-fashioned in the way I think about casual sex also. I seem to need to love someone before I have sex. The act of sex can be an addiction they say, but my sex drive is nill. I just try to get through the day at some times sober, as that is a feat in itself. However, I think I want love not really the sex part. Of course, with love comes sex, and I guess that is what I am holding out for. I find that I am guilty of liking those women that are outwardly pretty but in most cases, they are rude as hell if they are as sexy as I think they are. Being sober really makes you look and think hard about the sex question. Iknow a lot of people in AA go to meet and find a casual sex partner in group meetings but I don't think that is a good idea for me as I have tried this and she was still very mentally sick. Oh well, when the time comes for me to meet the one God will point her out and I will go from there. Have a good day. Chris

Friday, October 13, 2017

Sober and Working

I have not updated my blog in a while, and it is because I have been working so much. It's like going to an AA meeting when you work 13 hr. Days, it is hard to get motivated to go. I still try to make the Saturday meetings in Midland, Texas. However, I am very busy on the weekends also. I know that AA has helped me stay sober, but in reality, it is my spiritual strength with God that keeps me sober as well. I have to watch out, because of what they say in AA, like when things get good and you back away from meetings is when you are looking for trouble. I wonder sometimes if what I hear in AA is a type of brainwashing because I have not had the urge to drink since I am so busy. I don't know but I have been sober for almost 9 years. I will write more on this weekend, got to head out. Chris

Monday, September 18, 2017

Living For Today Sober

Sometimes I get my head all confused about what I am going to be doing a few days or months ahead of myself, and I get real nervous. This is not good for your health but living for the day you are in is a good way for living. You can take daily living for what it is. You wake up , start your day with questions or prayers and then if you work you go and do the work that is assigned to you. Sounds pretty cut and dry, but what about other people that are in your life at work and at home. You have to deal with traffic and your car, also Dr. appointments and other things that go along with plain old living. Then you have the occasional surprises the good and the bad, and you learn how to deal with these once they come up.

Living day to day is not easy, for anyone, if you think about it. However if you do just a little bit of pre planning it can be a fun and enthusiastic day for you. My days vary with work as a technician and I run into many mechanical problems that I have to guess the right answer, and hopefully the product will function, it is stressful as I make it . I try to make a game of it and I have kept this job for over 2 months with no problems from my boss or others. So I must be doing something right? I work by myself with the aid of a computer in hand to tell me what to do for the day. The computer is my boss and it keeps track of me and my times, I have done well with this job and that bothers me at times. I have stayed sober for almost 9 years now, and that has been easy but the drink thinking does come to my mind at times when things go wrong. I go to AA however , this does not keep me sober. What keeps me sober is remembering my last drunk and how bad I felt. That was very bad and I was very sick. I never want to be that way again in my living life. So day to day living can be hell sometimes, but the alternative is not an answer to my living a full day of ups and downs. God Bless Chris

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Darkness for the Alcoholic and Drug User

I have been very busy at work and loving my job. I am making good money, probably the best I have ever made. No problems with my boss or anything, able to afford to buy a new car. I have everything, sobriety, a new car , a life. What happened. I was tempted last night to start smoking pot .

So why would I start smoking pot when all is going good? I did not think about the negative or darkness that I might be putting myself into again, its has been almost 9 years now with no drinking or drugs, then on a Saturday night, I get the urge to smoke pot. I found a person on CL and i went to meet him with 140.00 in cash to buy some Hydro Pot. I meet with this guy I don't know and he jumps in my new car and I give him the money and he dispersal
..lol He fucking ran off with my cash. Was I mad , no. That was weird, this guy just took my cash and hauled ass. I actually thought that I was buying from a guy that needed to get rid of what he had and went to his car to get my drug. I waited only 20 minutes and texted him and never heard back. I told him I guess you borrowed my money, No answer..I am glad he stole from me last night, I am not mad at what he did or mad at myself, I am just glad he needed this cash more than I needed the pot. God was watching out for me and the darkness.

Sounds stupid I know but I awoke feeling like I got high last night, but it was guilt that I actually was going to go through the hell I put myself through 9 years ago, not even thinking about ifI got caught by the police. I would of lost my job, my family would of been crushed, and the darkness would become real.

The lesson for me here, is I want the light that I live right now, AA will not keep you sober but it might help. Only I can keep Chris sober, and my relationship to God. I was blessed that I got spanked for trying to buy pot last night by having a piece of me , my money taken from me. The story of when things get going good you better watch out, is so very true. That is what happened, my life is going good and i wanted to taste the bud again in my mouth and nose. I love the smell of pot , always will, but it casued me problems and I don't need the problems. The kid did me a favor by taking my money and not returning. I feel stupid of course, but I have enough money that it did not hurt me that bad, which is good so in the long run, I did not go to jail , for having drugs and i did not screw up my sobriety. I have to be careful. I need to find a NA group maybe today. Oh well thought I would mention this for my blog. Have a God Filled sober day! Chris

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

God Loves You, Just Have To Believe, and Believe Can be Hard

To live a sober life and be productive is a challenge in itself. I don't know when I have felt so good in my life these last four months, and pray I do. I have not changed my prayers but I live with my prayers and don't expect anything in return and I'll be damned if God throws me a curve ball and what seemed doomed turns out ok. I have mentioned this many times and I have lived this many times. I think what I am trying to say is , if you really want something you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself and God it is time for a change please be with me. That is what I did 4 weeks ago and one miracle after another keeps happening. I deal with problems in a calm way, I dont stress at night or sweat the small stuff. Life has been good for me the last eight years, but I have to be careful cause I start to think well a drink sure sounds good about now. I have to say to myself I would not be in this good of a situation if I started drinking. Drinking has a lot to do with how we process our thoughts and actions. When sober for a period of time and a hold on reality for a change, I became to realize that God was running all these peoples lives in AA that wanted to stay sober . You can hear it in thier words. Words really express how one is at the moment. They can change your life if you use better and encouragement words in every way and every body. Do something for some one else, this helps as well. Good night. God Bless, He has me on a high and I don't want it to end.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

All is Good in Sobriety

It has been some time since I have posted anything, I have been too busy with my new job and traveling almost every day. Yes I even travel by plane with my work. I have beat my fear of flying sober. That is one of several miracles that has happened to me in recent weeks. I truly believe that if you follow what you think Gods plan is for you and live this plan sober , that miracles will come true. I have talked about it and lived these miracles for about eight years ow, and because I am sober I am able to remember them and tell them to you.

My higher power is God and he listens to me and answers me when its his time not mine. I am very happy right now making a goood income and living a good life. Staying sober in the months I did not have a job I stayed busy doing things that led up to me getting my job. I woke up early and looked for work just like I had a job and several weeks later i landed a good paying and family business position that I am comfortable with finally. It is not easy but it is a challenge and God challeges me every day. You have to keep an open mind and say Yes I can do this. Even when in doubt, the fear goes away when you hand this over to God. Have a blessed day. Chris

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Alcoholic? The Sinclair Method may be for You

I have to admit that The Sinclair Method has a very high percentage of sober alcoholics using thier system of taking  Naltraxone and then an hour later going out to drink. My viewpoint is I have learned the old fashioned  way of AA and I am brain washed into the teachings and what I know about AA, that I am not sure about The Sinclair Method for me. Like so many people who come to detox at a treatment center , there is a underlying problem with each and every one of us. Whether  this be depression or anxiety or some type of family issue such as divorce and these are reasons we drink at times. Not too many alcoholics drink for the taste after having several drinks in one sit down. Yes, the first drink of a beer was good, but to be honest , I got to the point I liked the feeling of what the alcohol was doing for me, not the taste of the beer. I would usually light up a joint and smoke that and enjoy the high off of that for a while then drink some more.

So where in this Sinclair Method are they going to combine a guy like me that liked pills and , pot , and drinking? That is the mystery and trouble with this method. Now if I was to relapse I would consider The Sinclair Method , if I got out of control, but I would still go back to smoking grass also and I am not sure how Naltrexone will help with the weed I smoked. Granted I have taken Naltrexone for recovery and it was taken at night and I slept like a baby, and woke up feeling pretty good, so I am sure the medicine does what it is intended. If you have multiple addictions is where I see the problem with this form of treatment, but I also see hope for those who use to drink , so it is a double edged sword.

Treatment centers are now putting disclaimers on their  websites as to why they are not using ,"The Sinclair Method", and I think that is fucking funny. They don't want to lose the thousands of dollars they get for a 30 day program from each drunk that passes the doors , that usually does not work the first time. How would it be to lose all these treatment centers and their  coverage  from insurance companies , it would be a blow to their   financial loss.

Therefor  , could it be that AA and the Treatment centers want to discount the theory and facts that The Sinclair Method might just be the answer to most alcoholics  problems? The Big Book of AA was written and has four or five revisions since it's first writing. Could this book become dust on the book shelves? Don't jump too fast because the program does work for some of us, as we were brain washed into this is how best to live life. I have to admit , life with AA is a good life, but is it the only way with so few getting sober from AA and the treatment centers that charge you a Ferrari  to enter their 30 day intensive program that may not work for you? I have heard numbers like 7- 10 % of people that go to these 30 day programs ever stay sober and that is a high percentage rate, but very disgusting and financially  hard on the patient and the family.

If I were not sober right now, I would want the Sinclair Method and this is because of the high success rates they have and the non-obtrusive  alternative that I now live. I live a good life but granted AA may just become a thing of the past and the 12 steps are a good program for anyone, that is living, whether addicted  or not. It is spiritual program.I have only one complaint on Dr. Bob and his first reaction to noticing a spiritual light that came into his life known as a God insight. He was on Belladonna at a nut house when he made the statement that he saw the light and the light changed his thinking about drinking and a God concept. Belladonna, fo those who do not know is a hallucinogen and man you can see  lots of things on this bad ass drug. Just saying...Chris 7/19/17