Friday, May 19, 2017

Social Anxiety and staying Sober

I found this article in my email and I found it o be true about anxiety and people's perception and reality about anxiety. I hope you enjoy this article. Chris

The Three Steps to Dealing with Social Anxiety

At this point we established that trying to avoid or get rid of the feeling of social anxiety usually backfires. It leads to more social anxiety in the long run and you end up restricting your life and ridding it of all meaning and fun.
So here are three steps (backed up by decades of studies) that actually work:

STEP 1: ACCEPT YOUR ANXIETY

Social anxiety is not the enemy. It’s a feeling. A primal “warning” signal from your body to keep you from danger. Problem is, it was designed to keep you safe from wild animals and falling rocks, not strangers and pretty girls.
So when you notice anxiety coming up, together with all the negative thoughts, feelings, and sensations, sit with it. Don’t push it away, or change it in any way. Instead, let it be there, and really experience what it’s like to feel the fear.
Observe it like a curious scientist, without putting any judgment on it. You don’t have to like the fear, but you can learn to accept and embrace it as it is.
Notice where in your body you can feel it the most. What happens when you take a deep breath? When you hold eye contact with a stranger, does the fear get stronger? Stand up straight and lift your head up. What happens then?
Don’t try to change what you feel. Simply notice what happens. Instead of pushing the anxiety away, observe what’s going on. This trains your mind that anxiety in social situations is not something that needs to be avoided.

STEP 2: DO WHAT YOU DEEPLY CARE ABOUT

We usually feel the most vulnerable and the most anxious in the areas we value most in life.
I’ve never met a socially anxious person who didn’t care about having friends or connecting with people.
Instead of fighting anxiety, let anxiety be your guide towards what you care about most. There’s a good chance that situations where you get the most nervous, are the ones that matter most to you.
Being aware of this makes it easier to face your fears. One question we often ask our coaching clients is:
What are the things that are so important to you that you’re willing to feel anxious or nervous to experience them?
Think about it like this. When you are on your deathbed, do you want to look back on a life where you haven’t felt any anxiety, you never felt awkward, and you were always comfortable — but you also never really went all in, you missed out on parties, and never talked to the attractive stranger on your way home?
The other option is to look back on a life where you often felt nervous, anxious, and insecure — but it was a life filled with adventures, parties, random encounters with strangers, and deep connections.
So take a minute and really reflect on this:
What is so important to experience that you’re willing to feel a little anxious?

STEP 3: CONFRONT YOUR FEAR

This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most important one.
It might mean walking up to a pretty girl. It might mean talking to people you don’t know at a party. Or it might mean smiling at the cashier, asking your boss for a raise, or speaking up at a meeting.
There’s no easy way around it, and there are definitively no shortcuts. Be willing to feel the fear and do what matters most to you.
However, know that you don’t have to start with the scariest scenario. You can create a fear hierarchy, jotting down what scares you, and then start tackling the least scary item (e.g., saying “Hi” to a stranger) and working your way up to scarier tasks (e.g., asking a girl for her number).
The more often you face your fears, the better you’ll get at it.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Sober and What Becomes when We stay Sober

I have a lot on my plate lately, but it has been good and different. Lost my step father, however , I know he is with God. I am
not sad, just motivated to start my life on a new turn.I have been lookig for another job, as the one I have is not what I like to do. I have prayed about this daily and my prayers are coming true. I have had a few consultants call me on jobs that I like to do. Times in Midland are booming again with the oil field picking up and that brings in more business and retail shops, plus high prices.I will take advantage of the time I have and focus on the reality of being sober and alive. At times , I feel really lonely but then I get a glimpse of how lucky and fortunate I have in my life. I am thankful that I am not in a wheel chair , I am thankful I have some money, and food, plus a house that has musical instruments for me to pass the time, and hopefully get better.I have more than I deserve in material things, and yes most of it has been put o credit cards, so work has to continue.I like work and meeting new people, and I like doing certain types of work. Now I have a choice and that makes life a bit easier. However I am sober,and if not for AA and my program I could not feel this way. When a person gets off the beer or whatever, they have plenty of free time, at first . Then after a few years you realize this free time is just not there for drinking. I look back and made my free time available for smoking pot and drinking beer. I did not get much out of it except for misery in the end.

 This misery has stopped eight years ago, however it does get replaced by something called isolation time. This isolation time is not too good either, a little bit is ok. To rest and pray and relax is all good and healthy, but not all day long...lol...I think my age of 54 is starting to slip it's ugly head in, as I know what I want but at times what I want is not what others want . I do miss having a girl to love, I have met one recently in AA and she was a sweetheart , so I thought, then she shut me down like I did not exist, so beware of other alcoholics that you might like to date. We are still sick in a fashion, just not sick from doing the wrong things. God Bless Chris Hit THE FOLLOW BUTTON FOR MORE

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Death In the Family and Sober Living

Well, I have lost my step father yesterday to what I will call old age. He was 81 and a bit over weight and had complications for years. It was not sudden, he had struggled in and out of hospitals for the past year. He was a jolly guy that was a sharp dresser and smart and funny. A real good hearted man that was always nice to my family and very kind.It is hard to find people like this in the world, he was always a giving nature person. He will be missed and for some reason I am not sad of his death, maybe it has not hit me yet. I am happy that his suffering is over , is how I feel. He liked recovering alcoholics,he thought we were good people, and he was pleased with my struggles in life. Like I said he had no mean bone in his body, just a big Teddy Bear and a heart as big as Texas.

How do we deal with death as a sober person? I guess just like we deal with daily living. We pray and remember the good times, and go about our day. Living one day at a time. We don't try to look back in our past and we treasure every moment we are  alive as this is a short life we are given. If staying sober is your thing , you will get more out of life than you bargain for. Sometimes good and sometimes bad, but most of the bad turns good at some point. When drinking it was always bad except when we were drinking and even then reflecting on being drunk it was bad at many times trying to forget the present. God works with each and every one of us in his own way. I pray that you have found your way as I think I am living my way God had intended. God Bless Chris