Monday, September 18, 2017

Living For Today Sober

Sometimes I get my head all confused about what I am going to be doing a few days or months ahead of myself, and I get real nervous. This is not good for your health but living for the day you are in is a good way for living. You can take daily living for what it is. You wake up , start your day with questions or prayers and then if you work you go and do the work that is assigned to you. Sounds pretty cut and dry, but what about other people that are in your life at work and at home. You have to deal with traffic and your car, also Dr. appointments and other things that go along with plain old living. Then you have the occasional surprises the good and the bad, and you learn how to deal with these once they come up.

Living day to day is not easy, for anyone, if you think about it. However if you do just a little bit of pre planning it can be a fun and enthusiastic day for you. My days vary with work as a technician and I run into many mechanical problems that I have to guess the right answer, and hopefully the product will function, it is stressful as I make it . I try to make a game of it and I have kept this job for over 2 months with no problems from my boss or others. So I must be doing something right? I work by myself with the aid of a computer in hand to tell me what to do for the day. The computer is my boss and it keeps track of me and my times, I have done well with this job and that bothers me at times. I have stayed sober for almost 9 years now, and that has been easy but the drink thinking does come to my mind at times when things go wrong. I go to AA however , this does not keep me sober. What keeps me sober is remembering my last drunk and how bad I felt. That was very bad and I was very sick. I never want to be that way again in my living life. So day to day living can be hell sometimes, but the alternative is not an answer to my living a full day of ups and downs. God Bless Chris

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Darkness for the Alcoholic and Drug User

I have been very busy at work and loving my job. I am making good money, probably the best I have ever made. No problems with my boss or anything, able to afford to buy a new car. I have everything, sobriety, a new car , a life. What happened. I was tempted last night to start smoking pot .

So why would I start smoking pot when all is going good? I did not think about the negative or darkness that I might be putting myself into again, its has been almost 9 years now with no drinking or drugs, then on a Saturday night, I get the urge to smoke pot. I found a person on CL and i went to meet him with 140.00 in cash to buy some Hydro Pot. I meet with this guy I don't know and he jumps in my new car and I give him the money and he dispersal
..lol He fucking ran off with my cash. Was I mad , no. That was weird, this guy just took my cash and hauled ass. I actually thought that I was buying from a guy that needed to get rid of what he had and went to his car to get my drug. I waited only 20 minutes and texted him and never heard back. I told him I guess you borrowed my money, No answer..I am glad he stole from me last night, I am not mad at what he did or mad at myself, I am just glad he needed this cash more than I needed the pot. God was watching out for me and the darkness.

Sounds stupid I know but I awoke feeling like I got high last night, but it was guilt that I actually was going to go through the hell I put myself through 9 years ago, not even thinking about ifI got caught by the police. I would of lost my job, my family would of been crushed, and the darkness would become real.

The lesson for me here, is I want the light that I live right now, AA will not keep you sober but it might help. Only I can keep Chris sober, and my relationship to God. I was blessed that I got spanked for trying to buy pot last night by having a piece of me , my money taken from me. The story of when things get going good you better watch out, is so very true. That is what happened, my life is going good and i wanted to taste the bud again in my mouth and nose. I love the smell of pot , always will, but it casued me problems and I don't need the problems. The kid did me a favor by taking my money and not returning. I feel stupid of course, but I have enough money that it did not hurt me that bad, which is good so in the long run, I did not go to jail , for having drugs and i did not screw up my sobriety. I have to be careful. I need to find a NA group maybe today. Oh well thought I would mention this for my blog. Have a God Filled sober day! Chris

Time Moves Forward with a Clear Head

Alcohol, and drugs can blur our minds, and make us believe in things that are not true. When I sobered up , reality was hard to handle . I b...