Chinese Surprise Gift to The USA, The Virus

I am going to start out by saying I do not blame American Chinese citizens that have a corupt way of life. North China always had a love to rule over anyone they can, well it looks like they have succeeded in wiping out the 144 countries that now have the virus. The USA is and will be hit hard with death. So what about drinking to that for about 6- 12 months of sitting at home and drinking and partying and collect checks that wont last a month for most Americans. Not a good idea but  I wonder who or how many alcoholics have lost their sobriety over this war. I am afraid that there will be a few that give in, I know I thought about it. Go to Colorado and buy me some legal weed and drive it back to Texas and if lucky not get caught and sit at home with a few cases of beer and my smoke and block out the news and listen to The Def tones 24hrs a day. Isolation breeds frustration as yes the thought came to mind but reality check I might get thrown in jail and that would really suck at a time like this. I have ten years of sobriety and I have this plan because of the virus.This blog I write for myself so I can look back, and see when I get older than the 56 yrs I am.

Maybe you have thought of similar ways to really fuck up your sober life over the virus. Good reason and I dont blame a single one for falling off the wagon.It can be scary to know that at the minimum the news says 100k to 200k on 3/31/2020 will die  in the USA. My god, the devil is playing games and god is seeing how people will react, in my opinion. He is judging us and our actions as God loves everyone but we get spanked and this time God used a belt and its going to really hurt a lot of women , children and men that did nothing but work hard and lived life as God wants it, not as how we want life.

Hard to swallow why a God like ours would let the world fall apart but there is a reason. I do not know this reason nor do you. My opinion is this is Gods way of telling the people that we are not living right, or should I say the sinners, you and I ask for forgiveness and then we do it again what we did wrong. The world is full of Christian humans but maybe not enough to control the situation?

All I can say is if you are sober you must believe in God, period, not some damn pole like they say in AA, as to pick someone more powerful than you. Well God and the Devil are more powerful than any of us, so who you going to get on your knees for? The devil fucked up my life and God brought me back to my senses. It took a while as the devil was busy and still is with me. I damn this devil that is killing innocent lives, God loves us, he is not punishing us for being human he knew when Adam And Eve we were to be his sinners and to ask for Gods help in need. However how many used the God phone and use it daily? Im addicted to the spirit of the lord and I may not live through this year 2020, and thats ok. God will make this decision, not any President, but Trump has done and is doing a job no one could do, give him credit. Sure he is an asshole but he is a leader.Hillary Clinton can you imagine her in this mess. Shit Im not poised to any political party but I base it on the person. I am glad that Bozo the clown Obama is not involved that pussy of a president.

We have our fearless leader, God. I think and practice praying for everyone in the world and pray for yourself. I dont know why AA says do not ask for selfish presents, why not if you are hurting.I pray for you who reads this crap I wrote but I tend to be a little pissed we have not Nuked N China over this, might as well do it now also. Have a healthy life and dare to come back for more from me. I love everything and eeryone in the world, the problem is they who do harm to people should pay for this or we all will pay for this. There is no tomorrow for sure and even now that is even stronger to say. Try God    Chris

Sobriety in 2020, A New Year For 10 Years

Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Chris and I am a recovering alcoholic for over ten years straight now as of 2020. The last year was a challenge as all years are with sobriety. Drinking alcohol is not even in my vocabulary or thoughts these days. It is just not a part of my life anymore. I hear people in AA talk about alcohol and re- read the Big Book so many times that I wonder if this is the only way some people can stay sober. Not a popular thing to say but the only time I think of alcohol and the past is when I go to AA. Now that is not a good thing for me however I still go because maybe it has helped me stay sober for this long but I attribute my sobriety to my spiritual beliefs and how I conduct my life on a daily basis. I do not have time to drink alcohol or even at that I cannot even conceive having a hangover. This is not acceptable to me, I cannot live in this manner and to slip and go back to drinking is not possible in my head.Its been one more year 2019 that I have lived without a drink and do I think of alcohol , not really. There is no place in my life for this luxury.

I believe one must reach a point in his sobriety where the mentality of drinking is just not there anymore. The thoughts of getting loaded are gone after an amount of time. I made my mind up the first year that no more alcohol was to be had with me. It had caused me too many problems with my life. Ruined relations and jobs in which I had many. AA is good for people that want to stop drinking but in the long term one must come to rely upon himself that this is the kind of life you will live one day at a time. The rewards for not drinking are abundant but not realized after a period of non drinking. Its just life without getting stoned drunk on a daily basis. Of course some will like what I am saying others will debate me on AA, as I think AA is a crutch for some alcoholics. They need the AA and Big Book read over and over day after day to stay sober. After a while it just sinks into my brain and remember what passages I liked and helps me and yes I read "How it works", almost daily to remind me of who I am.Therefor , I am not saying AA has not helped, it has but in the end I am the one with the money and hands to pick up a drink from the store and start the madness all over again and that is called insanity to me. I have enough mental problems to not throw in alcohol with the existing anxieties and depression I might have from time to time. I read on how to help myself in those situations or give it up to God and we work on the problem. Running is so easy to do yet facing the facts I have a problem and working through my issues have made me stronger and a better person than I was ten years ago.

So sobriety in 2020 will be no different unless I have to change in a manner to keep my sobriety intact. This is very important in all my affairs is to stay sober even when times are not going that well. Yes it is not an easy task at times but that is when I go to AA and my friends that do not drink will listen to me and I listen to them and every thing seems to go ok for that moment.I keep reading and praying all during the day is my secret to living a sober day. Hopefully others have learned the art of using a hgher power than themselves to go to and listen to problems that might arise on a daily basis.

I wish everyone a great new year and if your thinking about quitting alcohol , then that is just wonderful and I wish you the best!! Happy New Year Chris

Today Is A New Day and There May not Be a Next Day

We have all heard the saying, "live today as it was your last day". This is true in life as we really don't know what will happen tomorrow, or if we will live that long. I was hit in my car by a big pickup and shattered my life for just a few seconds, what happens when you are in shock of what just happened. The one thing about accidents is when they shock you, a thought in the back of my head is ok, am I alright? Am I dead? then all of a sudden you wake up, this takes only a few milliseconds after an accident. Then you realize that you are alive and now what is my next action to be. Reality comes into play and you think of what could have happened. Like when you use to drink too much, at times you might have done this with intentions of not waking up the next morning. Then when you inflict this type of drug or pain on your body you wake up hurting and feeling worse than ever. I am pretty sure we have all tried to make ourselves miserable but not on purpose usually. If I could only drink a case of beer and wake up feeling good and up early in the morning not thinking of how bad my head hurts and that nasty taste in my mouth from beer in the morning.

Life is unusual, we all test our limits or at least I have in most everything I do.I am sober almost 10 years and I have no desire to take one drink. I think that is a miracle from God as it was difficult to quit and also I stopped smoking cigs. So that is two habits that I stopped at a treatment center because I wanted to, and I pray about it daily and still read and go to AA meetings. I don't rely on anything but myself for not drinking. I do believe that AA is very important to go to, however, it can become old and addictive in itself. However, it is good for your soul when your tired and lonely, go to an AA meeting and get something good out of it. Usually, you will.

Living one day at a time is still difficult for me as I look toward the future. I do not think it is bad, to actually predict what I might do the next day if God lets me live for this day. We have to make plans but yes they do get altered, and sometimes a surprise will come about in a good way that we did not expect. So try to stay sober one day at a tie, go to AA when you need it, and pray to God for letting you live in the moment. Chris

Nine years of Sobriety and 5 Months of CBD Buds

Like I have said before I write this journal or blog for myself. I am not trying to impress anyone or tell my whole life story. Recently for the past five or six months, I have been trying CBD , which if you do not know what it is let me explain.
CBD from Hemp is what I was smoking, it does not get a person high but it does have healing properties for much medical use. Now, what medical use did I use it for was anxiety or panic? I will say that I tried Vaping CBD, and I thought it did nothing. Then I found out you could buy this like Marijuana flowers or buds. I purchased the Buds legally at a Vape store in my city. I rolled up Hemp cigarettes and smoked a few hits over the span of the last few months. The funny thing is I felt like it was helping me with Panic and possibly was, or was it just that I missed the taste of real pot and the smell and buds were beautiful. The only problem is CBD is not regulated nor is specified what type of Nutrient, Hemp can be, plus the negative bonus of having .03% THC in Hemp plants can cause a false positive on a drug test.

Well, how the hell can they sell stuff like CBD and my city law is not doing anything about it, yet a federal law says it is legal but also illegal at the same time. I decided to completely stop smoking Hemp Buds the other day. They were not bothering me , however I did not want to start another addiction to a Nutrient, Drug, or whatever it is that is being sold all over the USA in disguise and too many questions of the legal authority to use or not use this CBD is not clear yet in Texas and many other states.

I will say I did not drink with my use but I am not sure where this may fit into my sobriety for nine years. Did I blow it by smoking Hemp? I am not sure, but I am thinking, No. It is my life and I got no high but I was curious and tried this as a medicine for my panic attacks.I do not think I can judge others for trying CBD as I have read everything good about it except for the .03% THC that might cause you to fail a drug test. Very confusing, any answers to this would be appreciated. Have a good day. Chris

Sobriety and The Family

Well, I celebrated with my AA friends and my family my eight years of sobriety the other night at my AA group. It was nice, and words when I spoke just seem to come from the spirit inside me out to those in attendance. It was a a good night as my mother came to this event. There was a older fellow there who had 22 years of sobriety , which made it even better. The family suffers from the turmoil and crap you or I put them through in the years when I was in my addiction. When they have seen you have some consistency with being sober, it just becomes normal for them, as they do not know how you might be struggling with living sober now. That is why I go to AA, is how to learn life on life's terms not mine. To live a life where God is the only way and direction to head. Follow what the spirit of God tells you to do and try to stay on track during the day and things will go better.

The family is grateful that you are sober when you get some time behind your belt. They laugh with you and most of the time the past will stay in the past. However , this is not always true. The reason for going to AA is for dealing with these issues in which we cannot get away from in our past and to live in the now, or present.The family will become more and more trusting as time goes by day from day, it does take a while for them to come around, but eventually they see my changes and then treat me accordingly to these positive new mental attitudes I may now have in life. I get a little bit crazy sometimes and lonely because I am a recovering alcoholic, but that just means I am not doing something constructive with my time or I need a meeting or to talk with my sponsor about what is bothering me. Use your sponsor , that is what he is there for. Have a great Day. Chris

Death In the Family and Sober Living

Well, I have lost my step father yesterday to what I will call old age. He was 81 and a bit over weight and had complications for years. It was not sudden, he had struggled in and out of hospitals for the past year. He was a jolly guy that was a sharp dresser and smart and funny. A real good hearted man that was always nice to my family and very kind.It is hard to find people like this in the world, he was always a giving nature person. He will be missed and for some reason I am not sad of his death, maybe it has not hit me yet. I am happy that his suffering is over , is how I feel. He liked recovering alcoholics,he thought we were good people, and he was pleased with my struggles in life. Like I said he had no mean bone in his body, just a big Teddy Bear and a heart as big as Texas.

How do we deal with death as a sober person? I guess just like we deal with daily living. We pray and remember the good times, and go about our day. Living one day at a time. We don't try to look back in our past and we treasure every moment we are  alive as this is a short life we are given. If staying sober is your thing , you will get more out of life than you bargain for. Sometimes good and sometimes bad, but most of the bad turns good at some point. When drinking it was always bad except when we were drinking and even then reflecting on being drunk it was bad at many times trying to forget the present. God works with each and every one of us in his own way. I pray that you have found your way as I think I am living my way God had intended. God Bless Chris

"The Shack" a Book about a conception of God

I have been reading a book called , "The Shack", I am not an avid reader but a member of AA was talking on night about the different conceptions of God that we all have. This book and movie is right on target with a person's conception of God and it is really an enjoyment to read. The movie has already come out and I was able to see this movie and it seemed to follow the book pretty well. I highly suggest this to those who have a problem with AA and the God conception in our lives. Yes, I know the book is fiction but in reality it could be the truth. It is a joyful book about a tragedy

that has happened to this man and his family, but ends on a good note. To stay sober means one has to believe in a power greater than himself. This is proven over and over in AA meetings and in my personal life. Sometimes we might feel that God has failed us, but if you look deeper , he may be teaching us a lesson that makes us better human beings. For those who do not believe in a God , if you stick around AA and hear the miracles of the different people speaking , you will have to believe in something that is more powerful than you are. Kepp your mind open and your heart full of love, and help others that may be trying to recover just like yourself. To stay outside of yourself can be hard to do , but once you do this activity , you will feel the goodness that becomes over your spirit and body.

I am not expert in AA and yes I have my problems in life, but they are part of living in a world full of obstacles that can set you apart from the creator. I am guilty of so many things in my life but I ask for forgiveness and I receive this at times. We all have reality in which we have to live in , and to isolate ourselves is a dangerous thing to do, but very easy to get into the habit of isolation. Try to do the things you want to do that wil help someone else and this isolation will go away for a while. I am guilty of this isolation in this smal town I live in as I say well ther is nothing to do. However there is plenty to do at my home and with other people that might make a difference in your life. Have a good Week. Chris

Good Things About being Sober

Monday I went to San Antonio with my AA sponsor to a meeting in which my sponsor Eddie was to speech
. We had a good time talking on the trip down there and then we hit the meeting in town and he got a standing ovation. Very proud of him and he was proud that I went with him on the 5 hour trip. On the way back on Tuesday to Midland I was called for a second interview with a company I have been trying to get on with in employment. I returned home and this was a phone interview and I had passed my electronics test and personality test , so I was pretty happy. This is a miracle from god that we talk about in AA , and how God works in our lives when we least expect it. Anyway I was invited to my last interview to be held on Thursday morning over the phone again with the hiring manager, so I would assume I am pretty well hired, but I won't know until Thursday.

Sobriety and giving back was was freely given to me is what this AA program is all about. Working the steps and getting out of self is a major part of staying sober as well. Taking your medication as directed is part of the program. Put all these together and you will have a healthy lifestyle working for one day at a time. I am living proof of the miracles and the confusion I bring to the table of a recovering alcoholic. I have fought the system and things in my life just did not work out, even when I thought I was in the right. God has blessed me , even in the hard times of my life as written in this blog with a better life when I let go and do something for others than myself. God Bless and have a good day. Chris

New things That Happen in a Sober life

Miracles keep happening in my life. I got a new job and I start this week, then travel quite a bit to train for this new position. New things to worry about , but I am trying not to worry and just let one thing happen at a time. Taking it slow and easy but being ready for the next event in my life. I am not high and mighty about flying but I was given the option to drive and the places I need to travel to are very long drives, in possibly snow type weather, so I will fly to these meetings. Fear of flying , is under the heading of many fears we use to have and we drank about them. This is nothing I will drink about , I might have anxiety and if I do I will keep as calm as I can and enjoy this flight . I have it in my head not to worry about the next day, as I am prepared for the events I will need to do in order to keep this job and be a good employee. Worry and fear have bothered me most of my life, however I have given this to God and let him control my emotions and take control of my life as it says in the steps. Any will on self is not good, so let God shine in to take care of the things I cannot control. I need this job and it is a good steady position and I will be proud of myself for completing the missions I will need in order to stay with this job. Not by my will but with God holding my hand and guiding me into the unknown.Hope you have a nice day..Chris Hyer

God gives you Special Treats when Sober

It is Wed 2/22/17 and all sorts of miracles have happen in my life. I was hired by a Nationwide corporation to work for them in my area of Texas. They say I start on March 1st but the HR department seems slow , so I doubt I start this soon. I have been unemployed for almost 6 months now, doing odd jobs to keep money in my pocket. It is by the grace of God that I got this position , because at my age it is hard to find a company that wil train you from the bottom up. I have some anxiety along with this job as I have to fly quite often to Springfield , Mo. for training, but I have been getting ready with buying slacks to seeing Dr.s so I am prepared for my plane trip on the 5th of March.
Since I have been sober all sorts of miracles have come true , just not on my time, but on God's time. I have had interviews and Skype interviews and nothing was panning out. There are a lot more people in Midland, Texas now since the oil field is picking up pace . However I do not work in the oil and gas industry and never will. It is dangerous work and have lost many friends and many friends have lost limbs to working out in the oil patch.

Sobriety and my belief in a higher power in which I call God has all the answers but are we willing to listen? I try to listen to God when he speaks buy he speaks indirectly to me , so I have to slow down and let the words come through to my brain or psychic before I understand them. Sometimes when I do something good for someone else then the answer lies right there for me to grab a hold of.
In AA we talk about God and the spirit of God in our lives, I think that is why we have such long term dobriety in my little group in Midland, texas. We all know one another and knwo each others family. We are relative to the other members and yet new members like this and so we have grown in the small group we use to have. Well have a nice Day it is to be 86 today in town..Chris Hyer

Sober Weekend and Yourself

Today I would like to share one of my favorite thoughts on self-improvement.

 

This short thought comes from Nathaniel Branden's book The Six Pillars of
Self-Esteem and it simply goes like this: 

 

"No one is coming".

 

Short. But it has been a powerful and sobering reminder for me.

 

Because yes, you can look for the next big thing that will fix you. 

 

Read more blog articles. Read more personal development books. Look for people
to help you. 

 

And yes, some articles, books, products or people will give you support and
insights that resonate deeply with you and that you can put into practice. 

 

But in the end, if you are an adult then no one is coming. No one is coming to save
you. You have to take responsibility for your own life and what happens in it.
Other things and people can certainly aid you quite a bit. But you are responsible.

 

You can go around blaming society or some people for your problems in your
social life. Or finances. Or health. You can always find scapegoats to judge to feel
better about yourself. You can look for people that will "fix you". You can do this
for the rest of your life if you like. It won't change much. Whatever has to be done,
it's you who have to take responsibility and do it.

 

Yeah, things might always not go your way. You'll fall and stumble and you will

probably have bad luck from time to time.

 

But you still have to focus on yourself and on doing what you can do with what you
have in whatever situation that may arise in your world.

In sobriety we are the one who is responsible for completing Step 1 completely or we fail over and over again.

To move onto the other 11 Steps , first you have to accomplish the first step on your own.

You can do this, however only by yourself. No one can keep you from drinking.

 

Have a wonderful weekend!

Being Positive in a Negative Thought in Sobriety or Life Itself

Say stop in situations where you know you cannot think straight.

Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to
sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.

In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at
catching them quickly and to say to myself:

No, no, we are not going to think about this now.

I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be
vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.

So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this
situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.

For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten
my hours of sleep.

I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed
thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.

And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in a much
better and more constructive way.

Say stop to getting lost in vague fears.

Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on
overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life.
And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could
happen if I do something.

So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?

And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I
can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty
unlikely thing happens.

I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something
that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce. 

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes and bit of energy and
it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

Big Spring, Texas AA Group Celebrates 70 years of Sobriety

What a day Saturday turned out to be. Big Spring, Texas is about 40 miles east of Midland, Texas and I went to celebrate their anniversary of 70 years for this group. There was a meeting at 1:00PM followed by a Al anon Speaker who was really good , then lunch from kitchens of alcoholics comprised of southern fried chicken and you name it the food was there. My uncle from Bedford Texas was the key speaker for AA and his wife Vera. I never had heard his story and it was good , he has over 37 years of sobriety and his wife about the same. Friends from Odessa and other cities across Texas gathered at this meeting for the celebration.

My father who drinks hard at times even came which blew my mind. He came with his brother Pat H. to this whole event which might mean he is interested. You never know who will show up at these gatherings. I was really proud of my father attending this celebration, for he might be one of us. He is the only one that would know, however. It was 90 degrees in Big Springs, Texas this winter day of Saturday the 12th of 2017 and that was a mind blower as well. The meeting drew approx. 100 people from all over Texas and lasted about five hours. I was exhausted afterwards and went back home. It was a day in history to see my father in a AA meeting on his own will. He recently lost his wife to Lupus after fighting this disease most of her life. My father is 80 years old but surely does not look the age. He still works and is active, but I am sure a little bit depressed from losing his wife.

I decided I better get the one love in my life some chocolates for her Valentines, that would be my mother. She has helped me in so many ways and support my sobriety with no end. I am very blessed to have both parents still living and healthy. Days like Saturday humble ones self like me. It makes you think about the good times and the not so good, maybe that was why I was drained. I don't usually go to these type conferences, I usually stick to the one hour meetings and leave. I see now why it is important to come to these gatherings, I had nothing else to do , plus I never heard my Uncles' story but I experienced  his drinking when I was young, and those thoughts were in my head. What a better man he is now. If you get a chance go to a conference like this one, it can be long and you do need to take breaks. Chris Hyer , One Day at a time.

Accepting God Into Your Life Sober or Not

I know this is a strange heading I am writing about . However it is true that if we just acept Jesus into our lives , we will all go to heaven. Now some religions such as Mormons do not believe in this simple act, which is fine. I am not teaching religion on this blog, this blog is about saving lives through knowing a spirit greater than your self , named God. God and Jesus are the same. God is not man and Jesus is the spiritual advisory for God. If you are sober you have come to believe in a power greater than yourself, if your in AA, you know this spirit must be God or Jesus. Once you take the simple step and invite Jesus into your life, you will go to heaven. Period.

I don't know about you but when I die I want to go to heaven. I don't know what Hell is but I have a feeling I have visited Hell many times while I was in my addiction. Maybe you have felt this way also. It is enough to convince me that there is a loving God who can take away my sins and forgive me and help me to stay sober if I just ask for this act. Simple as it may sound , we find all the wrong answers to sobriety, maybe we think we can handle one more drink, maybe just one more pill. In some instances this may be true, but rare for us who have been diagnosed as alcoholic, and the AA book is a spiritual book with a chapter for Agnostics , so maybe some relief for those who have a hard time believing in a higher power such as God can come to rest with their alternative solution. I am here to say that God has blessed me with sobriety because I ask for it. I have not had a alcoholic drink in over 7 years which does not mean one thing except that the obsession to drink was taken away from a power greater than myself. That power is known to me as the spirit of God.

I hope who reads this understated the power of God in the steps of AA are not just writings on the wall or in the Big Book, we do have to take action and for go our old ways and develop new ways of living in the world as we are living. Understanding a God can be confusing with all the hate in the world, but I do know i sin every single day, and I ask for forgiveness in the day or evening for my sins. I have had miracles that have come true and spiritual experiences that would blow your mind. Is staying sober worth it? Yes, it is when I have so much going for me and sometimes I take this for granted. I forget God when things are going good and times, and when they are going bad I pray to God to make a wrong decision I have made into a right one to pleasure God.

To be honest I probably pray more now than ever. Maybe that is why when I am weak I do not think about alcohol, when I am strong and happy , I do not think about alcohol. There has to be a power that is informing me in some manner that drinking is not my answer. This is just a small part of living is the drinking. But it is big enough to kill a person who goes out and re-tries drinking . I have lost three people who are my age this month from drinking or drugs. They tried AA and they tried the program, but how much of a relationship did they have with their God? Happy Sunday. Chris Hyer

Positive Affirmations with sober Living and Life

Living a positive outlook on life can be a challenge for myself. There is so much negativity around me and in the world. Staying positive in a daily living situation as most alcoholics have to live from day to day is not easy. Waking up , is when I start to look into the mirror
and be blessed that I am not crippled and I am semi-good looking and that I smell clean is a positive role for me on most mornings. I read the bible for positive information to help with my day. I don't do this everyday, and beware of people wanting you to get negative with them. They are in AA and everywhere that you might work, ready to bring you down, not on purpose but so they may feel good about themselves.

If your sober you have taken steps to make sure you can get by the day without a drink. That is very positive in sober living. Therefor , pat yourself on the back that you have made it to this point. There are so many that can not get past this point in thier lives and end up you know where.

Today is a sun shiny day with squirrels running the fence and my puppy chasing the varmets from one end of a tree to the other end of the fence. They are playing and enjoying life as God had intended for us to be. Happy , joyous , and free. We only have today for 24 hours, do a kind deed for another, buy them lunch or a stranger lunch, and see what happens. It is a miracle how this person will react and it shows Gods faith in God above. God watches every move we make, in fact he knows what we will do next. God knows what is going to happen in the next 24 hours ahead so don't over think this as I have, it will add confusion. You only can live one day at a time. Live today as it was your last and think if it was your last day how you would want to behave.God is working a miracle with me , and sometimes I refuse to see it. Please don't be as stubborn as I am .. Chris Hyer

God, Living, Death, and Sobriety

Recently my father lost his wife to a disease and even though we all knew her time had come, reality sets in after a while. My father has not changed, in fact he may be even more bitter about things in life. He is too hard to read. He is alcoholic and it is hard for me to understand when he is down because he is not drinking or if he is always negative like when I grew up. Anyway , the death has not really affected me, as I loved this lady but she was in great pain. I would rather die than live in pain. However I have mental pain and I sure have been praying for God to take my life over and make it tolerable. I refuse to drink over my insecurities, and I refuse to do anything stupid. I think this giving it to God stuff actually works, or it has with me.

I am a loner in the seance that I go to AA meetings to live life, then I try to stay occupied by my Uber driving while I wait and see about future opportunities come. I have hit the computer hard with Resumes and I am getting feedback, but it has been almost 5 months without a steady job. This bothers me and I even have stooped down to convenience stores cause they are always hiring, well no the case with me. It seems the easier the job , the harder it is for me to get hired, yet a computer position or IT position is quite virtually easier for me to get into. Maybe because of my background, I just don't know. I have had a few bites on a couple of jobs I am waiting to hear back from and have gotten off the couch to drive as this keeps my mind occupied and I make a little money .

I have to have help with my bills from my family and I know they are tired of this. I feel like all I am is a job seeking fool. I am not being picky now, as the time has been rolling on. However if I look back seven years ago , I would of just drank my problems away and that is the only difference with me at this point in my life is that I have stayed sober. I hold onto every penny I have and do not waste money . Sobriety is the key with God on my side, and I do believe he is on my side or I could not keep my head high, as the night falls I get restless and anxious about bedtime and the worying I do before I sleep. I try to giv that to God also and it works if I think about it. God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself, He is telling me I am worth a damn in this world, even though I get depressed at times and try to watch comedies at night that are easy to swallow and maybe make me laugh. Laughing is hard, and my relationship with my family is all about work and money. I just pray that soon all will be ok, and the job crisis will end and the borrowing of money will stop , so I can live life as I expect it to be lived. Have a good day for we not know what the next will bring, and this is so true. Chris Hyer

Love in the New Year Sober

It has been some time since I have written in this blog. I have had ups and downs every single day. I had a up on December 30th a girl called me and express an interest. I have know her for a while but I always said the wrong things I guess and we never met. She is in the AA program and we went out for the last week, almost everyday. I really enjoy this woman and she seemed to enjoy me. I guess you could say I feel in love very quickly and when she did not feel the same it drove me fucking crazy. When a person text another person and then leaves them hanging you know you said something wrong. I got that twice and I don't understand all the crap she has gone through but it must of be devastating to her. She is 6 years sober and I am 7 years sober. We were going to AA meetings together and out to eat and even a kiss now and then. Love , is something I have not experienced in years with the opposite sex, and so my heart was broken when she had other plans the last few days.

I told her how I felt and she did not answer back on text. SO I waited then waited, and nothing. I have never felt like bursting into a rage or tears. I did not know what I did or said to piss her off. However , I realize we all have our own things to do in this life. When someone new comes in the door, you either make room for them or you don't. I guess I thought she felt the same and she might , She just has a hard time with men because she has ben shit on so many times. I don't do that to women, I never have except when I was drinking so I discovered I have new emotions that I have not felt since marriage. Strange as it is I love this girl , and no I have not had sex with her, she just fits perfectly with what I have been looking for. I am going to have to give her space and that drives me crazy. Anyway, I am gaining new experiences daily and some are good and some are just mind blowing.Chris Hyer

Christmas and The Sober Individual

Christmas 2016 is almost here on the calendar. I can feel the mood in the people on the streets and in the stores. People buying what will probably be a return, and people driving crazy all over town , trying to get where they want in as little time it takes. Yes, to me this is Christmas madness, but it happens every sober year I have been around. That would be eight years of sobriety, and suring these last eight years, Christmas has been dfferent for myself. I usually end up having lunch with my mother and her husband and then go home like another day.
They say in AA that we should not isolate ourselves, but I do tend to do this quite often. I don't know what to do at times of joy and Holidays, except for to be closer with my family. They are all spread out over the USA, and rarely do we ever get together , unless there is a funeral. Thank God, no funerals this year, nor have we had one in my family so I assuming that people will show up for funerals. Gone are the days of handing out Christmas presents to children, however good gestures in helping out mankind have taken place with me. I have had a few extra dollars and I have given them to those in AA whom are in a bad spot, why? because I was one of them at one point in my life. That , now is the true meaning of Christmas and giving a hand out is a secret affair, and to be honest it makes me feel no different. I know the person is grateful , and I don't kow where that money may go to, I just trust in God and my judgement that it will go to something useful for that individual.

I was raised in a normal house hold, where we all gathered for Christmas and open toys up from packages and my dad getting pissed cause a toy would have to be put together. I guess you could say that was fun. We waited for Santa Claus when we were little and now at age 53 we are Santa Claus helpers. However it is just another day to me, as all days are to myself. If I make too big of deal of everyday then I get nervous and agitated. I have learned how to sit and read a book when times are isolating and to be comfortable doing this activity. I always want to buy something but I don't act on it.

I have even thought about taking a vacation to Vegas this year, but I chicken out cause I dont want to go by myself, and spend alll my money.Being sober over Christmas is a slight difficulty but , it is not that I think about drinking, it is just the normal thing I use to do during the season with my old school mates and brother. However we use to get high a lot because we had so much time to spend , and now I don't go to bars so that time is isolating time or AA time. Well, Merry Christmas to all whom read this article, and keep sober during the holidays , if you can , and if you can't God bless You!! Chris Hyer

December AA Party and More music

I like to think of myself as a musician, and I think I am pretty versatile, here is my website where I keep some good music and some not so good music  https://soundcloud.com/christopher-hyer Go there and rate the songs if you don't mind.

My 12 step AA group had a glorious meeting last night . It was our December Christmas party with food catered by Odessa, Texas Country Club. You can't get much better than that and for a group of about 12 souls who usually go to these AA meetings, we had a crowd of well over a 100 people come to the PDAP place where we held this Christmas Party. The speaker was fantastic from SanAngelo, Texas. His name was Jim , I believe, and his son had just passed away that morning from Heroin overdose , which was very sad. However, like this man said, we have no control over addiction and the people who are addicted. His son celebrated his one year birthday at an AA club in San Angelo, then went out and celebrated with some Heroin, and it was his last celebration. It goes to show we are just one drug or drink away from losing our life. This addiction stuff is deadly and it needs to be taken seriously. Hollywood glamorizes the smoking of Pot and other drugs such as drinking, but hardly focuses on the families that have to deal with the true addict. God bless this man who came to speak as he did not have to come with his loss of his son the same day, but in reality it was probably good therapy to some and speak at a meeting then be at home and mourn your child's death. Sucha tragedy to be had, I cannot even think of this being me in his situation. The meeting was upbeat, however, and it was possibly the best I have been to.

God bless you all out there in cyberland who read this blog, and like I said this is just a journal of mine I keep to look back someday to see how far I have come. Stay clean and enjoy this thing we call life or get help and start enjoying life without drugs and alcohol. It can be done.

Thanksgiving and What it Means To Sober Alcoholics

Thanksgiving is a time spent with family to get together and enjoy each others company. My family is split , so it usually means having to drive to two towns and celebrating with my Mother and my Father. This is difficult and I spend most fo the day going between homes than I do actually staying there and relaxing. My family is always on the go , so relaxing is something that rarely happens for me, as I am always on my toes trying to pleasure whom I am with.
As an alcoholic , there is seldom any drinking going on at either house for fear that I might want to indulge, this has been going on for years. I really don't pay much attention to this but when I leave they pop open the liquor at my fathers house, SO am I in the way? I don't care really they should not invite me if they did not want me to come. Putting up the liquor is ridiculous as I have no desire to drink it any way. People do not understand an alcoholic can got o the store at anytime and buy the drink of their choice in the morning , afternoon or late at night. Just be cause it is a holiday does not mean I am going to drink or not drink. Relatives are only trying to help, I understand, but in a way, they hinder the relationship. Let them be what they are, and if stuck ina situation where liquor is being a part of Thanksgiving and it gets in your mind, just leave and make a excuse.

SO enjoy your family as we all need them in our lives, do not cause a problem at these gatherings and leave if you decide it is time. It is only one day and you have 364 other days to work with in your sobriety. Personally , I don't think of the Holidays as much anymore, and every holiday is not a drinking day, it was everyday when I was drinking some eight years ago.

So go out and eat with your family if you have one, if not find one at a free meal place and help out. That is doing 12 step work even if everybody is sober, you are helping others who cannot help themselves. I might as well do some volunteer
work myself at Thanksgiving, it would give me an excuse to get out of traveling to please everybody in my family. Chris Hyer