Showing posts with label Being Sober. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Being Sober. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

My Name Is Chris and I am a Alcoholic

 Damn not use to this blogger interface. Hi , hope all is well with you today or tonight. My name is Chris Hyer an I write a diary on my drinking over the years of sobriety. That would be 11 going on 12 years  of no alcohol.One day at a time. Yes that is really true, they have been trying times. There have been problems along the way, but nothing that God could not heal.

Not a one thing in 11 years has God let me down. I have felt like I have let God down over the years . To quit drinking is where you start. That is the hardest part of this program. Is to quit doing something that makes you feel good , but then it kills your internal organs and we cannot drink as much as we would like. Given one might possibly have 20 drinks , that old saying has been going around AA for years and I do not agree totally with it. Just take it one Evening ,morning, whenever you drink try not to. IT will not work, unless you have done this many times then who knows.
 
I thought for sure that Covid would do it for me and my sobriety, but no I am confused about this virus and how it attacks, and it is a killer.This is time for high anxiety for me, and your damn right I take a Xanax for this trouble the China government gave to the World a deadly and scary ass show of power that we seem to not display at certain points in our government. Back to stopping that one drink, try not to go to the store you usaually buy beer or liquor and go by a Coke at another store. This is your safe zone, you just beat a beer. Now get your ass to a AA Meeting..lol             

Friday, May 8, 2020

Casino Closed & Virus Drinking

Ok this is going to really piss a few people off, maybe not. Im alcoholic and sick minded anyway however sober and grateful. The Virus, man, we are going to have to listen about this for the rest of our lives. Very hard hitting virus this is,I have been blessed healthy during this time. I take pre cautions at times then at other times I for get this whole thing is going on.

So is there anything about drinking when a fucking vrus that wipes out thousands of people who are just like you and I. Young and old, hell I think this is a great reason to drink and then I feel honestly if I started drinking again I would have to quit again or I die. So I only have one option. That is to not drink and I have suffered a little bit and I just got 11 years as of this month, and I feel a little uncomfy about my sobriety right now. That is why I am writing, just to get this out of my mind.

I bet a lot of people went back to drinking in AA because there are a few that use the AA group as thier way of staying sober. I find I like the meetings but not all the time, but it does feel good to go. Oh well I will check back and send me your thoughts. Smile God is?

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Is Alcohol a Disease?


Is Alcohol a Disease? The final conclusion I found is that it is an addiction for the brain, and destroys the liver and affects the lives around us. The AMA does not conclude that this is a disease but a mental illness. One that can be controlled only by quitting and stopping the obsession to desire for a alcoholic drink. The only way for me was God and AA.
Why am I here tonight? I gave up drinking and smoking 10 years ago because the two chemicals I was using were keeping me awake and therefore I was having delusions. My brain was deteriorating. I was speaking so fast that I could not keep my words up to my thoughts, I knew I was dying, but I accepted this as a part of me. I liked being a speed talker and not listening, I was right you were wrong. I was really just plain sick!!
Why AA? Three years of being dry, I wanted to be around others that were not drinking. I started coming to AA weekly. I got a sponsor this time around and God bless him as he is my friend also who is a pilot, one occupation I always wanted to be.
What is the future for me? I cannot predict the future but I can say I will not go back to drinking. How can I say this, I just look back to the last time I hit bottom, and the distress I did to myself and my Mother.

The Steps of AA Why? This is a way of living for anyone wanting to quit anything, eating to much ice cream, drinking too much, quitting a habit is what the 12 step program is. It is spiritual and connects one to God and God is either everything or he is nothing. I chose that God is everything to me.
How I made it 10 years? One day at a time and praying each and every morning and night for God to be with me and my family and to please keep me sober one more day. This is so easy but I had to believe and I do. God exist in each and every one of us, even the agnostic person who hates God, God is with you. Just look around and see the plants and animals, these are not scientific these are God given gifts.

My mother—She has stuck with me over 53 years and never let up on me, Yes she and I do not agree on some things but in recent years, I have learned that she is smarter than I gave her credit for. I have so much to learn from her. God blessed me a good life and I shall keep it as good as I can.
The End- God created us to be friendly and loving towards each other, this can be difficult. We run to alcohol and drugs to make life easier, but it is temporary until we want to feel good again, then we indulge even more alcohol and more stronger drugs. Until we reach a point our bodies can’t take it. Then we crash or hit our bottom. You either die or get help and help yourself. No one can do this program for you.

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Chinese Surprise Gift to The USA, The Virus

I am going to start out by saying I do not blame American Chinese citizens that have a corupt way of life. North China always had a love to rule over anyone they can, well it looks like they have succeeded in wiping out the 144 countries that now have the virus. The USA is and will be hit hard with death. So what about drinking to that for about 6- 12 months of sitting at home and drinking and partying and collect checks that wont last a month for most Americans. Not a good idea but  I wonder who or how many alcoholics have lost their sobriety over this war. I am afraid that there will be a few that give in, I know I thought about it. Go to Colorado and buy me some legal weed and drive it back to Texas and if lucky not get caught and sit at home with a few cases of beer and my smoke and block out the news and listen to The Def tones 24hrs a day. Isolation breeds frustration as yes the thought came to mind but reality check I might get thrown in jail and that would really suck at a time like this. I have ten years of sobriety and I have this plan because of the virus.This blog I write for myself so I can look back, and see when I get older than the 56 yrs I am.

Maybe you have thought of similar ways to really fuck up your sober life over the virus. Good reason and I dont blame a single one for falling off the wagon.It can be scary to know that at the minimum the news says 100k to 200k on 3/31/2020 will die  in the USA. My god, the devil is playing games and god is seeing how people will react, in my opinion. He is judging us and our actions as God loves everyone but we get spanked and this time God used a belt and its going to really hurt a lot of women , children and men that did nothing but work hard and lived life as God wants it, not as how we want life.

Hard to swallow why a God like ours would let the world fall apart but there is a reason. I do not know this reason nor do you. My opinion is this is Gods way of telling the people that we are not living right, or should I say the sinners, you and I ask for forgiveness and then we do it again what we did wrong. The world is full of Christian humans but maybe not enough to control the situation?

All I can say is if you are sober you must believe in God, period, not some damn pole like they say in AA, as to pick someone more powerful than you. Well God and the Devil are more powerful than any of us, so who you going to get on your knees for? The devil fucked up my life and God brought me back to my senses. It took a while as the devil was busy and still is with me. I damn this devil that is killing innocent lives, God loves us, he is not punishing us for being human he knew when Adam And Eve we were to be his sinners and to ask for Gods help in need. However how many used the God phone and use it daily? Im addicted to the spirit of the lord and I may not live through this year 2020, and thats ok. God will make this decision, not any President, but Trump has done and is doing a job no one could do, give him credit. Sure he is an asshole but he is a leader.Hillary Clinton can you imagine her in this mess. Shit Im not poised to any political party but I base it on the person. I am glad that Bozo the clown Obama is not involved that pussy of a president.

We have our fearless leader, God. I think and practice praying for everyone in the world and pray for yourself. I dont know why AA says do not ask for selfish presents, why not if you are hurting.I pray for you who reads this crap I wrote but I tend to be a little pissed we have not Nuked N China over this, might as well do it now also. Have a healthy life and dare to come back for more from me. I love everything and eeryone in the world, the problem is they who do harm to people should pay for this or we all will pay for this. There is no tomorrow for sure and even now that is even stronger to say. Try God    Chris

Friday, January 3, 2020

Sobriety in 2020, A New Year For 10 Years

Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Chris and I am a recovering alcoholic for over ten years straight now as of 2020. The last year was a challenge as all years are with sobriety. Drinking alcohol is not even in my vocabulary or thoughts these days. It is just not a part of my life anymore. I hear people in AA talk about alcohol and re- read the Big Book so many times that I wonder if this is the only way some people can stay sober. Not a popular thing to say but the only time I think of alcohol and the past is when I go to AA. Now that is not a good thing for me however I still go because maybe it has helped me stay sober for this long but I attribute my sobriety to my spiritual beliefs and how I conduct my life on a daily basis. I do not have time to drink alcohol or even at that I cannot even conceive having a hangover. This is not acceptable to me, I cannot live in this manner and to slip and go back to drinking is not possible in my head.Its been one more year 2019 that I have lived without a drink and do I think of alcohol , not really. There is no place in my life for this luxury.

I believe one must reach a point in his sobriety where the mentality of drinking is just not there anymore. The thoughts of getting loaded are gone after an amount of time. I made my mind up the first year that no more alcohol was to be had with me. It had caused me too many problems with my life. Ruined relations and jobs in which I had many. AA is good for people that want to stop drinking but in the long term one must come to rely upon himself that this is the kind of life you will live one day at a time. The rewards for not drinking are abundant but not realized after a period of non drinking. Its just life without getting stoned drunk on a daily basis. Of course some will like what I am saying others will debate me on AA, as I think AA is a crutch for some alcoholics. They need the AA and Big Book read over and over day after day to stay sober. After a while it just sinks into my brain and remember what passages I liked and helps me and yes I read "How it works", almost daily to remind me of who I am.Therefor , I am not saying AA has not helped, it has but in the end I am the one with the money and hands to pick up a drink from the store and start the madness all over again and that is called insanity to me. I have enough mental problems to not throw in alcohol with the existing anxieties and depression I might have from time to time. I read on how to help myself in those situations or give it up to God and we work on the problem. Running is so easy to do yet facing the facts I have a problem and working through my issues have made me stronger and a better person than I was ten years ago.

So sobriety in 2020 will be no different unless I have to change in a manner to keep my sobriety intact. This is very important in all my affairs is to stay sober even when times are not going that well. Yes it is not an easy task at times but that is when I go to AA and my friends that do not drink will listen to me and I listen to them and every thing seems to go ok for that moment.I keep reading and praying all during the day is my secret to living a sober day. Hopefully others have learned the art of using a hgher power than themselves to go to and listen to problems that might arise on a daily basis.

I wish everyone a great new year and if your thinking about quitting alcohol , then that is just wonderful and I wish you the best!! Happy New Year Chris

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Time Moves Forward with a Clear Head

Alcohol, and drugs can blur our minds, and make us believe in things that are not true. When I sobered up , reality was hard to handle . I battled reality through my sobriety and still wanted things to go my way for almost 10 years. We all want things to work out just like we intend them, however this is not happening. Believe in God and things or days will go with the flow and nothing will over whelm you that you cannot live with. It is a two way street , you must accept those things that use to baffle us and continue to baffle us, but do not try to control them. Life is a struggle and it is tough at times but if you stay close to the 12 steps of living life day to day then all will be better just not exactly the way you might have expected.
Change is something we alcoholics are pretty good at. If you think about it we changed where we lived in hopes of stop drinking when we were in a new place but continued to drink. Change when one is sober is good but can be strange and scary. This is when you pause take a deep breath of fresh air and let go and let God into life. The answer will come, your body will go into motion at times reluctantly but usually for a positive reason for you at this time of day. Hopefully you understand what I am saying. I have ten years of sobriety and live life one day at a time. I do not consciously do this but it has become habit. I don't think to far in the future , I stay in the moment and try to see what I can give all the day to others. Try this in your life and see how it goes. Take Care. Chris

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Today Is A New Day and There May not Be a Next Day

We have all heard the saying, "live today as it was your last day". This is true in life as we really don't know what will happen tomorrow, or if we will live that long. I was hit in my car by a big pickup and shattered my life for just a few seconds, what happens when you are in shock of what just happened. The one thing about accidents is when they shock you, a thought in the back of my head is ok, am I alright? Am I dead? then all of a sudden you wake up, this takes only a few milliseconds after an accident. Then you realize that you are alive and now what is my next action to be. Reality comes into play and you think of what could have happened. Like when you use to drink too much, at times you might have done this with intentions of not waking up the next morning. Then when you inflict this type of drug or pain on your body you wake up hurting and feeling worse than ever. I am pretty sure we have all tried to make ourselves miserable but not on purpose usually. If I could only drink a case of beer and wake up feeling good and up early in the morning not thinking of how bad my head hurts and that nasty taste in my mouth from beer in the morning.

Life is unusual, we all test our limits or at least I have in most everything I do.I am sober almost 10 years and I have no desire to take one drink. I think that is a miracle from God as it was difficult to quit and also I stopped smoking cigs. So that is two habits that I stopped at a treatment center because I wanted to, and I pray about it daily and still read and go to AA meetings. I don't rely on anything but myself for not drinking. I do believe that AA is very important to go to, however, it can become old and addictive in itself. However, it is good for your soul when your tired and lonely, go to an AA meeting and get something good out of it. Usually, you will.

Living one day at a time is still difficult for me as I look toward the future. I do not think it is bad, to actually predict what I might do the next day if God lets me live for this day. We have to make plans but yes they do get altered, and sometimes a surprise will come about in a good way that we did not expect. So try to stay sober one day at a tie, go to AA when you need it, and pray to God for letting you live in the moment. Chris

Monday, January 14, 2019

CBD and Addiction

CBD which is from Hemp plants is being used on virtually everything we like. You can use it as a cream, smoke it, take it in liquid form, etc. Is it good for you? I would have to say that I tried it and might still be interested in this product for addiction. I have found I do not crave andy drug or alcohol with CBD. That does not mean anything except that I think there might be some popular ideas for this CBD in recovery for addicts. Who knows how far pharmacology and CBD will proceed. If you read the Internet on the benefits of CBD, you might think it is a miracle drug. Yet, when Prozac came out it was thought to be the intelligent pill to get from Dr.s and this turned out negative. There are not any real recent findings from The Mayo clinic or other recognized studies except a few you will find on Epilepsy cure for children that CBD seems to appear to help. Thousands of stories from people trying Hemp and CBD has made a few of us confused. They are making coffee with Hemp and cola is coming out with CBD soon. The 2014 Farm Bill was signed by Mr. Trump last week and that has made it legal to grow in the USA, and there are no miracle drug claims by the government.

My take is am I breaking my sobriety by using Hemp myself? I would say no because I do not get high from this product. What does it do for me? It is like the calm after a storm type of feeling. Not overly good feeling like Marijuana or alcohol., yet a relaxing break in your life while on CBD. How long does it last? It depends on how you take it. Smoking Hemp will make the CBD instantly come into your bloodstream and you feel a peaceful calm and that is about it. Some call this a body high, whatever the fuck that means. I never felt high, but relaxed and ready to just sit back and take it easy, without being high or any mind-altering way.

Can CBD help with addiction? Possibly those answers are in the internet and of course, people are going to say yes it is good and part will say it adds problems. I take chances but not with my sobriety, therefore
 beware of what you read from me.lol.....Chris

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Sober after The Holidays

It's been nine years since I have taken a drink of alcohol, and I have to say that a holiday without alcohol is ok with me. After the first few years, it was strange to not drink during the entire Holiday binge. I missed out a lot of Christmas's and was a mellow drunk back in the day anyway, so most did not know I was wasted. Thank God another year is about to come I guess. I can't stop it but I can make changes to my behavior that need fixed/ One thing is to find more to do with my spare time beside housework, get involved and socialize, I am very closet minded and comfortable in my little own world, which can be a hazard to my health, I get to thinking too much. This is called boredom I think, here it has been almost ten years and I love life, need to change my personal habits such as sitting on the couch and watching TV and resting. Maybe it is just a case that I am not used to knowing how to rest? I was always on the go when I was younger I am 55 and a man and I have been thinking about writing a book as a hobby and of course for the money. I also think my book can provide some people with insight into life. So it would be a positive thing to do, except my Internet Gambling gets in the way. Yeah, been playing for about 8 years and lost more than I made and this is another addiction I have to address this year.

Addiction is all around my body, whether it is chocolate cake or steaks, I can make an addiction that is hard to break out of anything I do. This is built in every addicted person's body I hear with alcoholism. How to treat it is by AA terms by going to meetings and reading the Big Book. I have to say they might be partly right but it is me who has to do the work on changing constantly and it is not a chore just an inconvenience to me. You may find that I am on a level with you and I am just telling the story of your own life in a fashion. I am sober and I can communicate, and I am smart. I just make a lot of mistakes, some on purpose to see the outcome and some I did not even know I was saying or doing. The holiday sober look for me was normal. I am very shy around my family, maybe it is guilt from the years of making an ass out of myself. I am just me and that is all we can be. The good, bad, and ugly. Enjoy the new year and I hope to be starting my book soon, once finished I will let you know. It is a self-help book for those who are looking for work but just don't know how to go about this.I have a lot of tips and advice that I have come around the last few years.See you in 2019!! Please comment if you like. Chris 12/29/2018

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Sobriety How important is it?

I have been sober now over nine years, and I thought of this question this morning. Since I quit alcohol that many years ago, it really is not a part of my living life. I focus on other things like chores and work and knowledge about future events. I don't look back and regret my situation as much. Yes, I would have changed a few things in my last but maybe that is how my life was to be lived so I might live the future in a sober place and sober mind. I am not saying that sobriety is not important as it is the most important part of my life for me to be able to do my work and other things in life. Once you get a hold of living this way and understand that going back to living with alcohol is not going to he help in a positive manner with items that are depressing or negative then you have reached a cure. Yes, I said a cure for alcoholism is possible when you do not reach for the bottle in times of happiness and or sorrow, or either thinking of drinking. There have been thoughts of drinking but they are destructive thoughts and they go away very quickly. I never want to go back nine years from now and have to re-live what I have learned in these nine years.

I wish a part of my life was different and if I had not been alcoholic what would be the outcome. However, I do not think of this very much. You cannot go back in time only move forward with the power of god and the training and learning from AA that will teach you to stay away from dangers of drinking. Staying away from crowds that drink or old friends that drink is the best medicine I can offer. Yes, it can be lonely at times of celebration or when there is a loss of family life, however, if you believe in God you realize we will all die at some point in life that is a given. If we die sober that means we have done our best in the present to be the good law-abiding citizens for our lives. I think God is proud of us that take measures to lose weight if that is what we chose to stay healthy and then there are times where we do not have control such as the many cancers that kill so many good people and they did not bring about this problem as most alcoholics do have control over if they drink or drug. I don't buy it that we do not have control over our intake of certain substances we consume. I eat too many donuts in the morning at times than I back off cause I know it is not healthy for me. You learn a lot when you are sober even when you feel boredom come across, its how you deal with God and being lonely or hurting that will build you up as it has done for me and so many others. God Bless and Be Free from alcohol and start living a life that will make you smile.
Chris

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Do you know God? Sobriety and Living

I am at a hotel room in Arlington, Texas and I have work to do here for 5 days. I really do not like going on trips where I am not home. I guess I have gotten older plus I don't drink so some of the other workers are out getting drunk as usual. I started to think about God and do I really know him. I assume I have a grasp on the spiritual outlet called God and the spirit but I seem to need him ore than ever at certain times for my sobriety and my sanity. I have nine years of no drinking and I don't think about drinking, but I do think and pray a lot more than ever. I seem to think I am unusual in that I have really no friends and a good job, but at my age, that is all I want. I want my family healthy and happy and when I am working I see they are very grateful for my sobriety because I never stayed with too many jobs before calling in sick from a night worth of beer. Now I sit in a hotel room all alone wondering what it would be like to be out drinking and then feeling like shit the next morning seems like a dreadful idea. My whole world would change and I cannot handle that, so I am writing to speak my mind. The Dallas Cowboys won today I think and that is wonderful cause they have not been that good, but do I really care, nope. Men are supposed to care about football, I like to play when I was younger but really have the slightest interest in Football now. I am in a good place just thought I would post on my blog, who knows maybe 5 nights in a row of blogging will keep my idle hands busy. Goodnight Chris

Sunday, August 19, 2018

The Police and Sobriety Checkpoints

I read this article this morning and I said for all the people that went through this check point , they only found two people intoxicated. Please read below.

Sobriety Checkpoint In Diamond Bar Nets Two Arrests

DIAMOND BAR, CA -- An overnight driver's license/sobriety checkpoint in Diamond Bar netted two arrests, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department reported Saturday. One person was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving and another motorist was arrested on suspicion of operating a vehicle with a suspended or revoked license, the Sheriff's Information Bureau reported. Deputies also issued one citation.
The checkpoint at Diamond Bar Boulevard and Highland Valley Road began at 6 p.m. Friday and ended at 2 a.m. Saturday.
The Sheriff's Department reported that 838 vehicles were screened at the checkpoint.
--City News Service/Shutterstock image
Get the Diamond Bar-Walnut 

I know one this if this was done in my hometown of Midland about half of the 800 people these officers pulled in would have DWI or DUI. This little city I live in of 130K or more people is full of drunks at this time of night. I don't even go out this late at night. Have a good day. Chris

Monday, August 6, 2018

Midland, Texas Oil Boom and Sobriety, Is It a Joke

I was thinking of all the people that have moved back to the West Texas town in the Desert call Midland, Texas. Midland is halfway between El Paso and Dallas, Texas, therefore, the name Midland, the halfway point from the cities of DFW to the border of Mexico. Do we have a wide variety or folks? Yes, from the Cartels from El Paso that is making money off the locals with drugs to the bustling city of DFW that brings in Businessmen and women to cash in on the oil boom. To stay sober in a city like Midland is absolutely an incredible feat for anyone. No real entertainment except for the rich who drink away the days and nights and others from areas of the USA that want to cash in on the boom. However with Apartments, if you can find one, start at 1700 a month for a one bedroom. The unemployment rate is like 2.2 percent and people with houses here rent rooms out for 600 to 1200 a month for a room out of their houses. Go to Craigslist if you think I might be wrong and look up housing here plus jobs. There are more jobs than qualified people, so a lot of companies are training you for a position that only exists in the oil field. So beware because this is the third boom I have seen in Midland then it will bust like usual. Then all the people that came here will leave the deserted area of the country. Most are smart this time and bring RV's hooked up to massive pickup trucks for work in the fields. The problem is where to find land to park the RV.

In AA I've noticed people from all over the country filling up rooms at several AA clubs in town. That is good, but the worst thing I think I have noticed is the homeless sleeping in cars, nice cars, cause they can't find a place to spend 1100 a month to sleep in, that is fucking sad. But hey this is where the jobs are and if you are fortunate and have a roof over your head and paying the prices of living here, you really won't make more money due to the expenses you are having to shell out for this move to Midland or maybe some will.

The bars stay full and there are plenty of DWI people in AA trying to get off the charges from excessive drinking in town so I assume the city is making some good money from these alcoholics. So everyone benefits from a boom in Midland and Odessa, Texas. I can hardly blame most people for drinking while they stay in this city, as it is an activity that is popular and pushed by the local beer makers conventions here almost every other few months. That's entertainment, however, I forget to mention we do get top musical acts coming here to play because again the money is here.

There are churches here almost on every other block in the town and I am sure they benefit from all the people that arrive in this town, and God bless them. So if your spiritual or religious there are a few churches to entertain you as well. My advice to someone coming here is to research the options for where you are going to live, put a deposit down, and call today to schedule an Interview, because you will get hired, and some are on the spot interviews and that is why most are unprepared to live here, they are making 40k at Whataburger but no place to sleep. Now that is not an exaggeration, but the truth.

If you are a recovery person from a 12 step addiction, get yourself a home group as soon as you can and maybe make a friend or two, and maybe things will work out just fine. AA people who practice the program usually have a higher power that helps these people perform miracles and these are needed in this town in order to live a sober and good life in Midland, Texas.
Good Luck and God Bless.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Saying Thank You for Sobriety

I get caught up in myself and I need to remember to say Thank You, to those who have to listen to my bullshit and even read my blog. This blog makes no money, and I never set out to make any money from it. This is just a way I can get matters off my chest and remember what I have done stupid and smart. I have a lot of problems in my sobriety but I am sober. That was my main goal, right. I still dabble in stuff I should keep my nose out of, but I am not perfect and I am interested in the health as Americans are of the age of CBD and Marijuana Legalization. Pretty darn confusing, and maybe it is meant to be this way. I am in my mid-50s and I knew that Marijuana would be legalized when I reached this age, I really did but it seems like our country is split on politics and now states are separate from the Federal government. Just crazy shit like this could make a person want to get loaded. However AA is still around and my feelings towards alcohol are yes, it is there, so fucking what. I do not participate in alcohol drinking and I have my reasons as I am sure you have yours. My life has been better without it, my social life still sucks but maybe that is just me.

I have not written in a while and I am going through another job change, and getting kind of old at that..lol However I am still able to walk and talk and my family loves me, which is what matters. I am sure if you are sober or even a drunk someone loves you very much, hell I love you and I don't even know you, but you're
on my blog so you must care about what is within these notes. So Thank You. Chris

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Stupidity and Sobriety

I have been sober for nine years this May 21st and I also have done a bunch of stupid things in my sobriety. I also witness others in AA that are sober but stupidity seems to follow them as they talk about their experiences. The definition of stupidity is behavior that shows a lack of good sense or judgment.
"I can't believe my own stupidity"

So Who is to judge one's stupidity is it me or you or is there an organization out there that says, "Yes he is the stupid one". He goes sober for 30 days then comes back in and preaches the AA word from the Big Book verbatim without having to open it, then leaves and proceeds to drink again. I have met several of these stupid people. However, this is just my opinion on stupidity. One who says they are practicing the twelve steps with a beer can in his right hand instead of his left hand, therefore limiting his drinking ability.lol

I guess it goes without saying if you read my articles and the stupid things I did. One was trying out CBD from a marijuana Hemp plant could be a cause to call me stupid. I was not thinking and wanted to experiment with CBD as I have anxiety still but on CBD, my anxiety seemed to diminish. I was not smoking pot and I was not ingesting THC as far as I knew and read, that was stupid. Wanting to feel different than I normally do is not a safe way to live in alcoholics anonymous. It can lead me right back to drinking a beer cause that made me feel good also, however, the consequences of alcohol were devastating to me and my family.

Well, I saw a car driver do several stupid things this morning and it brought out the stupidity thoughts I had. Like I said I write this blog to journal my life as I try to progress through the social sobriety lifestyle that I have chosen. I make mistakes but one is I have not had a drop to drink in 9 years. I am no better than the guy who has 24 hours of sobriety but I am smarter than ever on what stupid is. Have a good day. Chris

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Mothers Day Stay Sober Today May 13th 2018

It's Mothers Day and one thing I can do is stay sober 24 hours for my self and my Mother who has put up
 with me and my crap for so long. My mother is still living and age 81 and she is in good spirits and health and looks much younger, however, I can see the age starting to change in her. I am 55 myself, so I am very blessed to have my mom around and living and she is still wanting to love me and be around me. What a woman I can say that no one compares to my mom, and you can probably say the same about your mom. If you drink, just for today try not to drink around your mother, 24 hours, just one day. I know how hard it can be, but it might be a start for you to have eternal life granted back into your soul.

God grants us the serenity to move on with our lives and even when we make mistakes he grants those mistakes and if you ask for forgiveness, that will be granted also. How do I know, because I am a sinner and I make bad choices every day, I try not to make decisions that will blow up in my face, but I do. Then a miracle of some sort comes into my life whether it be a job or a person I love, and that is the reward for asking for forgiveness. Please check this site out,   http://chrchunltd.churchonline.org/

I think you will be surprised at what you find. God Bless the Moms out in the world. Chris

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Alcoholic ? Now How Can I be One if I Don't Drink Anymore

I have a problem with AA. How could I be an alcoholic if I freakin don't drink anymore? Good question I think and I am sure if you are a recovering or recovered alcoholic you had to ask this question to your self. Is it because we call ourselves alcoholics to impress others in AA. I would like to stand up and say "Hello I'm Chris and I am here to learn how to live life without drugs or alcohol, can you help me"?Maybe someone has said this in a meeting. I should because that is why I go to AA meetings and to learn how to live through the Big Book of AA is fine in the 1930s when it was written at least the initial book. I find a lot of biblical information on how I should live in this book, but does it need to be rewritten to the time we are now living in?

I listen to old timers say the same old shit day after day sometimes, and I can tell you what they are doing right now. They are at an AA meeting telling the same old shit again, sometimes three or four times a day at different clubs. I am not mad but AA to myself needs to deal with the present day, not back in the drinking day,cause for some of us, and only a few of us, do not have to drink today nor have even thought about it, but we have thought of what am I to do now that I don't party on a Friday or Saturday night, and I get back the same answers, go to an AA meeting.

I don't know about people in AA, they are strangers at meetings I do not attend regularly, How do you trust these newcomers coming in than going back out then coming back in and so forth. I never give out my address to a sponsee and rarely give my number to a stranger, because if they go back and get drunk, they might call me at 2AM in the morning and I go to bed at 9PM cause I have had it with the day and I get lots of sleep and wake up at 630AM almost every day. This is a habit that I got into just like not drinking or buying beer or pot. I have a habit of not looking at beer and not hanging around and body that smokes dope. I think that is the key to sobriety and it is hard for a guy to not want to go to the bars and have a drink, I can do it but just for so long, then I have to go cause these people are having too much fun and my thinking is or you poor bastard your going to hurt like I use to.I plan to be pretty old when I can't type anymore. God Bless and Have a Good Night. Chris
and wake up drinking like I use to do, .However, that may not be true it is what goes through my head. See, I think people that go to bars go to get fucked up, but I am wrong because I have seen a small percentage have a half beer and leave or keep sitting there talking with that half beer, drink that bitch is what I am thinking. Hurt like your supposes to. I know they are not me and I am glad I am not trying to be them, cause I mess up badly when I drink. Nine years sober this month I have and I have AA and the spirit of my God for this. Sure I have tried a few things that might cut through my sobriety but it was not alcohol, and or drugs. Remeber I write this as a journal of how I feel and not for your pleasure but for mine. Someday I will look back at all the stupid and not so stupid things I have written

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Thy Will be Done Social Sobriety

On Page 86 of the Big Book of AA there is a couple of paragraphs in this that say when we go through the day we see where we could help others not be self-centered and such. I read this every morning and then it says on page 89 I think that during the day we should say "Thou will be done", and keep saying this when we no longer have control over a problem or instance where we may be confused as to what we need to be doing during the working day and night. I find this quite useful and have begun using this phrase when I want to lie about something or just want something to go my way. "Thou will be done", Not my will be done..lol. However, it is very easy and comforting when done at the right time, because you know at this point in your day you have done everything in this world to ignore a situation or put something off. When saying this little phrase, I have noticed I seem to turn my car around and take care of something I did not want to or made me pull over and say I am sorry over the phone to someone I might have hurt earlier with my words.

We are not perfect but we seek perfection in our daily life trying to live sober and live life on life's terms. I am striving for perfection at all times and I get let down when things don't go my way. So, therefore, I remember this is my will and not God's will for me. It sometimes hits me later on, but then I make amends to what I have done and said and it is not easy but easier if you just say the phrase Thy will be done. Hopefully, this will help you in dealing with daily bumps and grinds in the road. I know it has helped me, and don't worry telling the truth pisses some people off, but you will feel free and better in the long run. Have a good day. I beg of you to Check out Churchunlimited.com and watch it, Even if you don't like a church you will get a good message

Monday, April 23, 2018

All Things Tried and True with Alcoholism

The title just sounded good this morning. I have tried to find interesting things to do while staying sober and yet my mind wonders into other areas. That was a long sentence. However, I get bored, when I drank I was too busy wondering and enjoying what I was doing. Coming up on 9 years next month of no alcohol, and yet the boredom is still here. I grew up with alcohol and now it is taken away, what a guy to do? Well, I try new things like the Vape thing and end up almost hurting myself with this trial. I take chances to see what the results will be like in real time. I am curious about those things I did drunk and now am sober, what are they really like? I take chances with my jobs because I get bored of them and get tired of traveling with work. All my life I have worked alone and traveled the West Texas area and it is not a pretty sight to travel in. I have aspirations of moving to Colorado for the weather and the weed. However I find out the drug test up there just like in Texas, so weed is out of the question. What can I do? It's like what can Chris do to get fucked up and enjoy his life, I believe that is my question. I know it sounds bad but is good for nine years has had too many good benefits and I sometimes cannot handle the good. I want stimulation and energy from something and I can't place what that may be. I find the town I live in the worst place in the world to be, but at least there is not any type of war going on except in my head.

Sobriety is important to me and the only reason why is I hate doing stupid things that could eventually put me in jail. The stupid things I do right now just hurt me personally no one else, Alcohol hurts everyone involved with me.I am self-destructive and I have been most of my life.I am not sad nor am I happy, I am just here. I need a form of action that will make me laugh and enjoy this God-given life and AA does not do this for me either, it just reminds me of what not to do. Please comment , Have a good Day Chris

Sunday, March 18, 2018

CBD an excuse to smoke Hemp?

As I go through my trial phase with CBD oil from Hemp plants, I discovered a new product. This is called Dabbing Wax, that is CBD concentrate because I wanted the real CBD and this is the strongest you can get. I bought the needed supplies and wax on Saturday and was in a hurry to see how this made me feel. You put the wax, little slivers into a heating, pipe and smoke it, only one hit and boom. I felt high as a kite a rush like never before since quitting Pot. It was just the initial first hit off the pipe that the rush was there, I thought I was going to fall down, what a rush I thought. Then a calm after effect, but is this really an excuse to get high off CBD? I am not sure how I feel about smoking wax this way to get rid of panic, I think it might be an excuse to get high for a short breathe of the initial rush. I have to be careful because this is all legal but so is alcohol. SO for those who really want to feel what true CBD does to you try the wax. I am laying off of this until I know more about this shit. Don't wantto trade one habit for another. Just Saying!!!

My Name Is Chris and I am a Alcoholic

 Damn not use to this blogger interface. Hi , hope all is well with you today or tonight. My name is Chris Hyer an I write a diary on my dri...