My Name Is Chris and I am a Alcoholic

 Damn not use to this blogger interface. Hi , hope all is well with you today or tonight. My name is Chris Hyer an I write a diary on my drinking over the years of sobriety. That would be 11 going on 12 years  of no alcohol.One day at a time. Yes that is really true, they have been trying times. There have been problems along the way, but nothing that God could not heal.

Not a one thing in 11 years has God let me down. I have felt like I have let God down over the years . To quit drinking is where you start. That is the hardest part of this program. Is to quit doing something that makes you feel good , but then it kills your internal organs and we cannot drink as much as we would like. Given one might possibly have 20 drinks , that old saying has been going around AA for years and I do not agree totally with it. Just take it one Evening ,morning, whenever you drink try not to. IT will not work, unless you have done this many times then who knows.

 

I thought for sure that Covid would do it for me and my sobriety, but no I am confused about this virus and how it attacks, and it is a killer.This is time for high anxiety for me, and your damn right I take a Xanax for this trouble the China government gave to the World a deadly and scary ass show of power that we seem to not display at certain points in our government. Back to stopping that one drink, try not to go to the store you usaually buy beer or liquor and go by a Coke at another store. This is your safe zone, you just beat a beer. Now get your ass to a AA Meeting..lol             

Is Alcohol a Disease?

Is Alcohol a Disease? The final conclusion I found is that it is an addiction for the brain, and destroys the liver and affects the lives around us. The AMA does not conclude that this is a disease but a mental illness. One that can be controlled only by quitting and stopping the obsession to desire for a alcoholic drink. The only way for me was God and AA.

Why am I here tonight? I gave up drinking and smoking 10 years ago because the two chemicals I was using were keeping me awake and therefore I was having delusions. My brain was deteriorating. I was speaking so fast that I could not keep my words up to my thoughts, I knew I was dying, but I accepted this as a part of me. I liked being a speed talker and not listening, I was right you were wrong. I was really just plain sick!!

Why AA? Three years of being dry, I wanted to be around others that were not drinking. I started coming to AA weekly. I got a sponsor this time around and God bless him as he is my friend also who is a pilot, one occupation I always wanted to be.

What is the future for me? I cannot predict the future but I can say I will not go back to drinking. How can I say this, I just look back to the last time I hit bottom, and the distress I did to myself and my Mother.

The Steps of AA Why? This is a way of living for anyone wanting to quit anything, eating to much ice cream, drinking too much, quitting a habit is what the 12 step program is. It is spiritual and connects one to God and God is either everything or he is nothing. I chose that God is everything to me.

How I made it 10 years? One day at a time and praying each and every morning and night for God to be with me and my family and to please keep me sober one more day. This is so easy but I had to believe and I do. God exist in each and every one of us, even the agnostic person who hates God, God is with you. Just look around and see the plants and animals, these are not scientific these are God given gifts.

My mother—She has stuck with me over 53 years and never let up on me, Yes she and I do not agree on some things but in recent years, I have learned that she is smarter than I gave her credit for. I have so much to learn from her. God blessed me a good life and I shall keep it as good as I can.

The End- God created us to be friendly and loving towards each other, this can be difficult. We run to alcohol and drugs to make life easier, but it is temporary until we want to feel good again, then we indulge even more alcohol and more stronger drugs. Until we reach a point our bodies can’t take it. Then we crash or hit our bottom. You either die or get help and help yourself. No one can do this program for you.

Chinese Surprise Gift to The USA, The Virus

I am going to start out by saying I do not blame American Chinese citizens that have a corupt way of life. North China always had a love to rule over anyone they can, well it looks like they have succeeded in wiping out the 144 countries that now have the virus. The USA is and will be hit hard with death. So what about drinking to that for about 6- 12 months of sitting at home and drinking and partying and collect checks that wont last a month for most Americans. Not a good idea but  I wonder who or how many alcoholics have lost their sobriety over this war. I am afraid that there will be a few that give in, I know I thought about it. Go to Colorado and buy me some legal weed and drive it back to Texas and if lucky not get caught and sit at home with a few cases of beer and my smoke and block out the news and listen to The Def tones 24hrs a day. Isolation breeds frustration as yes the thought came to mind but reality check I might get thrown in jail and that would really suck at a time like this. I have ten years of sobriety and I have this plan because of the virus.This blog I write for myself so I can look back, and see when I get older than the 56 yrs I am.

Maybe you have thought of similar ways to really fuck up your sober life over the virus. Good reason and I dont blame a single one for falling off the wagon.It can be scary to know that at the minimum the news says 100k to 200k on 3/31/2020 will die  in the USA. My god, the devil is playing games and god is seeing how people will react, in my opinion. He is judging us and our actions as God loves everyone but we get spanked and this time God used a belt and its going to really hurt a lot of women , children and men that did nothing but work hard and lived life as God wants it, not as how we want life.

Hard to swallow why a God like ours would let the world fall apart but there is a reason. I do not know this reason nor do you. My opinion is this is Gods way of telling the people that we are not living right, or should I say the sinners, you and I ask for forgiveness and then we do it again what we did wrong. The world is full of Christian humans but maybe not enough to control the situation?

All I can say is if you are sober you must believe in God, period, not some damn pole like they say in AA, as to pick someone more powerful than you. Well God and the Devil are more powerful than any of us, so who you going to get on your knees for? The devil fucked up my life and God brought me back to my senses. It took a while as the devil was busy and still is with me. I damn this devil that is killing innocent lives, God loves us, he is not punishing us for being human he knew when Adam And Eve we were to be his sinners and to ask for Gods help in need. However how many used the God phone and use it daily? Im addicted to the spirit of the lord and I may not live through this year 2020, and thats ok. God will make this decision, not any President, but Trump has done and is doing a job no one could do, give him credit. Sure he is an asshole but he is a leader.Hillary Clinton can you imagine her in this mess. Shit Im not poised to any political party but I base it on the person. I am glad that Bozo the clown Obama is not involved that pussy of a president.

We have our fearless leader, God. I think and practice praying for everyone in the world and pray for yourself. I dont know why AA says do not ask for selfish presents, why not if you are hurting.I pray for you who reads this crap I wrote but I tend to be a little pissed we have not Nuked N China over this, might as well do it now also. Have a healthy life and dare to come back for more from me. I love everything and eeryone in the world, the problem is they who do harm to people should pay for this or we all will pay for this. There is no tomorrow for sure and even now that is even stronger to say. Try God    Chris

Sobriety in 2020, A New Year For 10 Years

Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Chris and I am a recovering alcoholic for over ten years straight now as of 2020. The last year was a challenge as all years are with sobriety. Drinking alcohol is not even in my vocabulary or thoughts these days. It is just not a part of my life anymore. I hear people in AA talk about alcohol and re- read the Big Book so many times that I wonder if this is the only way some people can stay sober. Not a popular thing to say but the only time I think of alcohol and the past is when I go to AA. Now that is not a good thing for me however I still go because maybe it has helped me stay sober for this long but I attribute my sobriety to my spiritual beliefs and how I conduct my life on a daily basis. I do not have time to drink alcohol or even at that I cannot even conceive having a hangover. This is not acceptable to me, I cannot live in this manner and to slip and go back to drinking is not possible in my head.Its been one more year 2019 that I have lived without a drink and do I think of alcohol , not really. There is no place in my life for this luxury.

I believe one must reach a point in his sobriety where the mentality of drinking is just not there anymore. The thoughts of getting loaded are gone after an amount of time. I made my mind up the first year that no more alcohol was to be had with me. It had caused me too many problems with my life. Ruined relations and jobs in which I had many. AA is good for people that want to stop drinking but in the long term one must come to rely upon himself that this is the kind of life you will live one day at a time. The rewards for not drinking are abundant but not realized after a period of non drinking. Its just life without getting stoned drunk on a daily basis. Of course some will like what I am saying others will debate me on AA, as I think AA is a crutch for some alcoholics. They need the AA and Big Book read over and over day after day to stay sober. After a while it just sinks into my brain and remember what passages I liked and helps me and yes I read "How it works", almost daily to remind me of who I am.Therefor , I am not saying AA has not helped, it has but in the end I am the one with the money and hands to pick up a drink from the store and start the madness all over again and that is called insanity to me. I have enough mental problems to not throw in alcohol with the existing anxieties and depression I might have from time to time. I read on how to help myself in those situations or give it up to God and we work on the problem. Running is so easy to do yet facing the facts I have a problem and working through my issues have made me stronger and a better person than I was ten years ago.

So sobriety in 2020 will be no different unless I have to change in a manner to keep my sobriety intact. This is very important in all my affairs is to stay sober even when times are not going that well. Yes it is not an easy task at times but that is when I go to AA and my friends that do not drink will listen to me and I listen to them and every thing seems to go ok for that moment.I keep reading and praying all during the day is my secret to living a sober day. Hopefully others have learned the art of using a hgher power than themselves to go to and listen to problems that might arise on a daily basis.

I wish everyone a great new year and if your thinking about quitting alcohol , then that is just wonderful and I wish you the best!! Happy New Year Chris

CBD and Addiction

CBD which is from Hemp plants is being used on virtually everything we like. You can use it as a cream, smoke it, take it in liquid form, etc. Is it good for you? I would have to say that I tried it and might still be interested in this product for addiction. I have found I do not crave andy drug or alcohol with CBD. That does not mean anything except that I think there might be some popular ideas for this CBD in recovery for addicts. Who knows how far pharmacology and CBD will proceed. If you read the Internet on the benefits of CBD, you might think it is a miracle drug. Yet, when Prozac came out it was thought to be the intelligent pill to get from Dr.s and this turned out negative. There are not any real recent findings from The Mayo clinic or other recognized studies except a few you will find on Epilepsy cure for children that CBD seems to appear to help. Thousands of stories from people trying Hemp and CBD has made a few of us confused. They are making coffee with Hemp and cola is coming out with CBD soon. The 2014 Farm Bill was signed by Mr. Trump last week and that has made it legal to grow in the USA, and there are no miracle drug claims by the government.

My take is am I breaking my sobriety by using Hemp myself? I would say no because I do not get high from this product. What does it do for me? It is like the calm after a storm type of feeling. Not overly good feeling like Marijuana or alcohol., yet a relaxing break in your life while on CBD. How long does it last? It depends on how you take it. Smoking Hemp will make the CBD instantly come into your bloodstream and you feel a peaceful calm and that is about it. Some call this a body high, whatever the fuck that means. I never felt high, but relaxed and ready to just sit back and take it easy, without being high or any mind-altering way.

Can CBD help with addiction? Possibly those answers are in the internet and of course, people are going to say yes it is good and part will say it adds problems. I take chances but not with my sobriety, therefore
 beware of what you read from me.lol.....Chris

Do You Test Sobriety?

 I am out of town, working and it seems to be a test of my sobriety when I travel. Whether I have to fly or drive and how far I have to go seem to fall in place. I know I will not drink but temptations to have a drink with a group of fellow workers are always there when I travel. I read the bible in the Hotels is what I do and I watch movies from my PC on their big screen TV in the rooms. I usually stay at 4 to 5-star hotels with a restaurant and bar located inside the place. I guess you could say I isolate myself, but in the end, I have no hangover in the morning and watching fellow workers come in smelling of alcohol makes me feel like I do the right thing. Change is what we had to do in order to preserve our sobriety, and change is what I had to do on trips and being tested on drinking.

It would be interesting to hear some of your stories in traveling sober? I would welcome these ideas from the reader of this blog. One thing I should do is find an AA meeting at night and get out of my room. However, I am tired from the day and do not want to get into traffic and weather so I do not usually do this. My bad I know. I do not feel very unusual for not drinking with my co-workers, I have to live my life and they have to live their own. It's just another test from God to see what Chris is going to accomplish on each journey in his life to stay sober. Nine years is a lot of years for me not to drink and it means I have tried and prayed about my sobriety for every day. It is ongoing and it is easy, but it can cause one to struggle with the evil ones.lol Chris

The Police and Sobriety Checkpoints

I read this article this morning and I said for all the people that went through this check point , they only found two people intoxicated. Please read below.

Sobriety Checkpoint In Diamond Bar Nets Two Arrests

DIAMOND BAR, CA -- An overnight driver's license/sobriety checkpoint in Diamond Bar netted two arrests, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department reported Saturday. One person was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving and another motorist was arrested on suspicion of operating a vehicle with a suspended or revoked license, the Sheriff's Information Bureau reported. Deputies also issued one citation.

The checkpoint at Diamond Bar Boulevard and Highland Valley Road began at 6 p.m. Friday and ended at 2 a.m. Saturday.

The Sheriff's Department reported that 838 vehicles were screened at the checkpoint.

--City News Service/Shutterstock image

Get the Diamond Bar-Walnut 

I know one this if this was done in my hometown of Midland about half of the 800 people these officers pulled in would have DWI or DUI. This little city I live in of 130K or more people is full of drunks at this time of night. I don't even go out this late at night. Have a good day. Chris

CBD an excuse to smoke Hemp?

As I go through my trial phase with CBD oil from Hemp plants, I discovered a new product. This is called Dabbing Wax, that is CBD concentrate because I wanted the real CBD and this is the strongest you can get. I bought the needed supplies and wax on Saturday and was in a hurry to see how this made me feel. You put the wax, little slivers into a heating, pipe and smoke it, only one hit and boom. I felt high as a kite a rush like never before since quitting Pot. It was just the initial first hit off the pipe that the rush was there, I thought I was going to fall down, what a rush I thought. Then a calm after effect, but is this really an excuse to get high off CBD? I am not sure how I feel about smoking wax this way to get rid of panic, I think it might be an excuse to get high for a short breathe of the initial rush. I have to be careful because this is all legal but so is alcohol. SO for those who really want to feel what true CBD does to you try the wax. I am laying off of this until I know more about this shit. Don't wantto trade one habit for another. Just Saying!!!

Recovering Addict and Being Normal

What is normal? That is the million dollar question. Is anyone really normal? There are so many different types of people and they have so many beliefs. I would guess normality would be a sane person that abides by most of our laws and has a job, maybe a wife and a kid, but that statement is not true either. So I do know that to walk around drunk or high during the day or night, probably is not normal but in movies, they depict this as being normal.

I believe if you are doing right by Gods way that you must be somewhat normal. Don't hurt others on purpose and abide by the ten commandments the best as you can seem like you are trying to be a good citizen and good human. If you drink that does not make you a bad person if you drink because of problems then that is normal but not a good excuse. Complicated as it may seem, I think the most of us that respect others and treat them as we would like to be treated is the best idea of being a good human and reflects a normal attitude. We all have our sins that we commit to our bodies, whether it is eating too much or drinking too much, but we don't really hurt anyone but ourselves and it affects others who live around us.

Being a recovering alcoholic is normal and it is part of living for a good majority of us. There are some people that will never know what it is to have a year of sobriety, and that is a shame. However if one seeks to get away from the stuff and really believes in a higher power, I believe they can lead a normal way of life like the rest of our normal people in this world. Even after nine years of sobriety, I think it is normal for a person to have a glass of wine and smoke a joint and enjoy it. My problem is I never could accomplish this and would go overboard with the drink or find other drugs. Life is a trip and hopefully,
you read this and get something out of it. If not I enjoy entertaining myself with these words I write. Have a good day and God Bless You. Chris

The Sinclair Method VS Alcoholics Anonymous

I was searching for a topic today and I found the Sinclair method of approach to drinking too much alcohol. I think it is a good approach to the alternative of AA. You decide what you think. Here is a few words about what The Sinclair Method is:

The Sinclair Method (TSM) uses the nervous system’s own mechanism, called “extinction”, for gradually removing the interest in alcohol and the behaviors involved in alcohol drinking. Therefore, the technical term for TSM is “pharmacological extinction.”

The key scientific discovery underlying the treatment was that, contrary to earlier beliefs, detoxification and alcohol deprivation do not stop alcohol craving but in fact increase subsequent alcohol drinking[1],[2]. The old idea that alcoholism is caused by physiological dependence on alcohol, therefore, needed to be discarded, and a new understanding of alcoholism developed.

Subsequent research showed that alcohol drinking is a learned behavior [3]. Some individuals, partly for genetic reasons, get so much reinforcement each time they drink, and have so many opportunities to drink and get reinforcement, that the behavior becomes too strong. They cannot always control their drinking; they cannot “just say ‘no’.”  And society calls them alcoholics.

Laboratory studies indicated that in most cases, the reinforcement from alcohol involved the opioid system, i.e., the same system where morphine, heroin, and endorphin produce their effects.[4]

The brain has two primary mechanisms for changing its own wiring on the basis of experience.  First, there is learning for strengthening behaviors that provide reinforcement.  Second, there is extinction for removing behaviors that no longer produce reinforcement.  The best known example involves Pavlov’s dogs that learned to salivate to the sound of a bell when the bell was followed by food, but then had the learned behavior extinguished when the food reinforcement was no longer given after the bell was rung.

Certain medicines, such as naltrexone, naloxone and nalmefene, block the effects of endorphin and other opiates. I reasoned that if alcohol is drunk while one of these opioid antagonists is blocking endorphin reinforcement in the brain, the extinction mechanism would be activated, and it would then produce a small but permanent decrement in alcohol drinking and craving. The next day, the person would be slightly less interested in alcohol. Eventually control would be regained, and the person would no longer be an alcoholic; indeed, they no longer would be interested in alcohol[5].

The Sinclair Method was confirmed, first in a large body of laboratory studies[6], then in over 90 clinical trials around the world[7],[8],[9], and most recently in personal reports by people using it[10]. It has been found to be successful in about 80% of alcoholics.  This is very high for alcoholism treatment, but the treatment is not for everyone: some people apparently have a different form of alcoholism that does not involve the opioid system and cannot be treated effectively with opioid antagonists.

The Sinclair Method is simply taking an opioid antagonist before drinking. Naltrexone, naloxone, and nalmefene are not substitution drugs similar to methadone for heroin addiction or Nicorettes™ for nicotine addiction. The opioid antagonists are not addictive, and they do not directly reduce craving for alcohol.  And unlike disulfiram, the opioid antagonists do not produce an unpleasant aversive effect. Indeed, the opioid antagonists do not do anything until after endorphin has been released. Then the mechanism of extinction is triggered, and the extinction mechanism in turn progressively but permanently removes the neural cause for excessive drinking.John David Sinclair, Ph.D., Researcher Emeritus

Interesting study , as I have taken Naltraxone from my psychiatrist and I have to admit my craving for alcohol did not exist. I think it is good to look at alternative treatments. Please comment. Thank You Chris

Checked out Of Rehab

I checked out of Rehab for Xanax and Adderall on Monday as I could not go through this 30 day program. I got off all my medication but it was too fast of a withdrawal. My ears were ringing very bad in this loud facility and I went home because I needed something for my Panic which was over whelming to me, as a cloud of dust was a fog in my eyes. I went to my regular MD on Monday and he prescribed heart medication and Prozac for me to calm down and this has helped more than anything. I am finally off every pill except for 2 mg. of Xanax in which I put myself on compared to the 6 mg. I was taking for over 8 years. I do not drink anything alcoholic , so I am not at all concerned about any type of relapse, as this tr

eatment program was for alcoholics and drug users that have no experience with the 12 steps of AA. I have over eight years of sobriety and I took this medication as prescribed by a psychiatrist. Therefor I was ask many times why I was getting off Xanax, and I was told by two Doctors that I was taking too much. Inside , I kind of knew that 6 Mg. of Xanax was way too much , but i felt like the Dr. knew what he was talking about. Be careful about these Doctors that prescribe Xanax as it works very good with Panic attacks , but is very addictive in the long haul. I am feeling pretty good, going on a long walk with my puppy this early AM and I had breakfast and took the new medication with the blood pressure medication I have just gotten. I am taking this one day at a time, with the love of my family behind me, I will beat this . God bless Chris