Showing posts with label Issue Ma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Issue Ma. Show all posts

Monday, January 9, 2017

Love in the New Year Sober

It has been some time since I have written in this blog. I have had ups and downs every single day. I had a up on December 30th a girl called me and express an interest. I have know her for a while but I always said the wrong things I guess and we never met. She is in the AA program and we went out for the last week, almost everyday. I really enjoy this woman and she seemed to enjoy me. I guess you could say I feel in love very quickly and when she did not feel the same it drove me fucking crazy. When a person text another person and then leaves them hanging you know you said something wrong. I got that twice and I don't understand all the crap she has gone through but it must of be devastating to her. She is 6 years sober and I am 7 years sober. We were going to AA meetings together and out to eat and even a kiss now and then. Love , is something I have not experienced in years with the opposite sex, and so my heart was broken when she had other plans the last few days.

I told her how I felt and she did not answer back on text. SO I waited then waited, and nothing. I have never felt like bursting into a rage or tears. I did not know what I did or said to piss her off. However , I realize we all have our own things to do in this life. When someone new comes in the door, you either make room for them or you don't. I guess I thought she felt the same and she might , She just has a hard time with men because she has ben shit on so many times. I don't do that to women, I never have except when I was drinking so I discovered I have new emotions that I have not felt since marriage. Strange as it is I love this girl , and no I have not had sex with her, she just fits perfectly with what I have been looking for. I am going to have to give her space and that drives me crazy. Anyway, I am gaining new experiences daily and some are good and some are just mind blowing.Chris Hyer

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Sobriety and Confusion about Life

Lately , if you have read my post on this blog, you have noticed I have been confused about what to do with my life. I have been sober for almost eight years and going through a battle over what to do with my lifestyle and work. I am a very isolated person, and just like my drinking days , I was isolated back then as well. I never really ventured out to the bar scene in my drinking years. I was always drinking at homw trying to make money and friends over the Internet with Photography I had taken during the day , to making music , and I have a large selection of music I have produced on Soundlcoud.com I am very talented in music and other hobbies of interest. I was always trying to cash in on my hobbies and some times i did with my art work and sometime I did not.
I was heading to Austin this weekend for a possible new start but I can't swing the financial situation I am in right now to move to another city.

Confusion while sober is one of the problems I continue to have. I want this and that and my direction is scattered at times in which way to go. My head is on straight but my soul desires other things. I am not in a relationship nor have I been in over 20 years. This may be a problem, I need a woman around me to keep me comfortable and to have company. Maybe I am running from myself agian by choosing to leave where I have a house and no job right now. The job will come sooner or later. I have been working at puttting out Resumes and had a few interviews m, so surekly God will provide me with what I need. God has always been there for me, even in the rough of times and I am in those times now.

I guess praying for the confusion to stop and help me settle down and be proud of what I have . Being sober isnot all that is required to staying productive and living life. It is a good start and things can only get better not worse. I have to remeber that I have been through some hell back in my drinking days and I am having to pay for the lack of education and work experience because of what I have done in my drinking days. I have learned a lot from people in my last eight years of sbriety and one important item is just staying sober and relying upon God to help me out with my living conditions. I live very well and I am not looking at going homeless or anything drastic like that and years back I had been homeless and I very well know how hard it is to get a job from being homeless. I am blessed that God has held on to me and made me powerful to understand that it is not me that is causing the non-working consition I am in. It is the times in the county I live in . Oil prices are very low and it is hurting the economy in Midlnad , Texas and therfore the work is just not there.

Life can only get better if I leave it up to God to help me find my direction. Confusion and sobriety can go hand in hand but it does not have to. I think for today I will focus on my music and play for God and on Monday , the new day will be better than the the last day. Chris

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Sober Thursday 02/18/2016

I have bitched and complained for about a week now, and it is over. I have done what I could about getting my job secured and have passed my test, so now I should be offered my job. That is how it oges right? Well these days it is hard to concieve that a future employee should have to spill out so much personal information to get a low paying job. This is the American way now. You have to prove you have no criminal background , pass drug test, prove that your a USA citizen, prove that you are mentally stable. Does this sounf more communistic than anything?

Well after a few days of putting my whole life out there in cyber space for a job, I am now awaiting an answer to if and when I start. I will post of course when I get this phone call, in which I expect ina  day or so. I have spent about 100.00 of my own money in getting a low paying job. The expense were for Dr. leters and gas to and from each place I had to visit, and the time it toook for a physuical and one more Dr letter tsaying I am fit. Ridiculous is what I say. But these are the tims in America. The home of the free, once they know for sure you are a USA citizen. I am white and have Indian in my blood, and I am sober from illlegal drugs and alcohol that should be enough. However, the insurance companies and goverment want to make sure you are really allowed to work here.

I heard on the news about several thousand immigrant workers in the USA are getting refunds this year? How? I know they have families and they are illegal to work here so how do they get SOcial Security numbers to file taxes. There is something wrong with our system of course we all know this.

Well, staying sober through the last few months has not been hard but I have been bored. I have learned to keep a blog up so I can look back when Im 60 or so and say Hey I made it through this and that. That is what this blog is. It is an autobiography of my life and being sober through the easy and tough times. I am not going through as tough a time as most might be. If you decide to get sober just remeber that your problems will still be out there , it is how you handle yourslef during these problems is what will make you or break you. Keep the faith and GOd will come through , just not on your time..

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Social Sobriety and what AA is Not!

AA is a word for alcoholics anonymous, which is  a group of people from all walks of life. There are homeless, lawyers, executives, fast food workers,and everyday people. They come to AA to learn how to live life sober. Most are sober when they come, but there are times when one is not sober and they are welcome to come in as well. Our mission is not of a cult  or religious one. We strive to help the other alcoholic who still surfers from the disease of alcoholism. Yes, it is a disease that some people with a chemical makeup cannot control , even the first drink. They continue drinking until they pass out or black out. That is the extreme , there are also people that just cannot control thier drinking and need help , moral help in stopping. This is what AA is. A place to stop and get your senses straight just for one hour at a time. The goal is to treat the drinking alcoholic for 24 hours of sobriety if they come into a meeting and really want the help.
However , one must ask for help. Without asking, you will go un-noticed and possibly be passed by the crowd in AA. There is nothing like making a fool of your self in AA. Some of us have come to AA meetings just after having drank alcohol, and sat through meetings and then were directed as to what we could do to stay sober for 24 hours, and some are refered to treatment centers , and there is money in some groups that will help with your expenses to get this help.

So AA is a caring group of spiritual people that each speak and discuss thier week or life and try to find some type of relief. Come in and join us, even if you are curious. We will not ask anything from you , and you do not even have to talk. Just come to listen to former alcoholics to seee if maybe you are one..Have a great Day!!Chris

PS. La Hacienda will have Chris Raymer speaking this May in Hunt, County in Kerrville, Texas for their alumni meeting..Please come to listen to this man. He is pasionate about what he speaks and very good at what he says!!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Saturday 07/06/2013 ---1 Timothy of the Bible

"May God our Father and Christ Jesus our Lord give you grace,mercy,and peace" Chapter 1 in Timothy in the bible. 

Wow, what a strong phrase we have been given. Paul in the bible was given control by the command of Jesus, "It is written to Timothy,my true child in the faith".....What a concept, to have the Lord Jesus Christ give one such an honor. To be loved by Jesus , so much that God had appoited Paul to spread the word of God and to trust and have faith in him to do his deed.

Christopherhyer 2013
Is that what we all seek in reality , is a commitment from others to understand that through faith and love that God has made us into human beings to carry on this message to other human beings. A twelve step for sure, I would imagine."Live a life of Faith " is what Paul says in Timothy and do not stray away into any false promises.

This would hold true for alcoholics," please oh lord help us keep the faith and do not let us go a stray with our own ides" and "Thy will be done" not mine. This would tend to be the message I received this morning.

I am selfish with God and my own delusions of what I should be doing. I am guilty of not loving God every moment I can get a chance. Maybe for today we pray a little more and have faith that a power greater than ourselves brings us out of misery and into happiness. We all deserve this happiness and joyfulness.  

Friday, July 5, 2013

God Grant Me!! Sobriety

In the mornings , I say prayers for the day to begin with and ask for guidance and courage to face the world. It has become habbit, and without prayer in the morning , I would not be complete for the day. It is so much of a habit that I even recite the Serenty prayer a few times to get me going. Do you do this?

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Sucha strong prayer for living . The short prayer is good for everything in this world. You cannot change the things you can't. It is so true. Love for other animals and human beings seem to take place with the serenity prayer. I don't think about drinking in the morning, that obsession has been removed. I have days where I am not so up . This is true with all of us, though I have not had a bad day since being sober. No hangovers, no headaches, or alcohol on my breath to get off. There is so much to be thankful for this morning.

July 4th was a bit hard to take, yet I woke up this Friday with a different attitude, and feel good about myself. I can't change those things I cannot control. Maybe this is hard to swallow on occasion, so I just keep praying all day long. Have a beautiful day and God Bless...Chris

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Burning out in AA

I have to speak for myself, I think I am getting burned out at AA. I have been going to at least one meeting a day and I have to say this. AA does not keep me sober!! Shocked, don't be , I realized last night that my spiritual relationship with God is what keeps me sober. It has kept me sober for over 4 years, not AA. I am not downplaying AA , I am stating a fact. Where did I get this spiritual relationship? From prayer in the morning and all during the day and at night. The craving for beer or pot has gone, and has been for a long time. In AA each person recounts their drinking and what they drank , it makes me thirsty for a drink. No shit, it is crazy to me, that war stories are told and I am sick of them. Let's talk about living today and not" Hi I am Tom and I am glad to be at AA and I have been sober for 60 years and by the grace of this program I have been sober for this long, and the guy begins to recite every chapter in the Big Book". So fucking what, is he not "self seeking, and worried about his next chapter in the Big Book" or is he headed for a fall. Maybe he just likes to talk to anyone that will listen.. I am not sure.

So why go to AA? I went to meet people that shared the same experience as I , but found out that the only thing I have in common with these good folks is a desire to not drink and I was unable to control my drinking at  a few points in my life. Does AA keep me sober, No. I know this may shock AA people but once I looked at this program, I personally get tired of the same old shit everyday at the meetings. Maybe I am burned out, but all the talking about liquor has made my craving a little bit more observant. What I am trying to say is I dont think about taking a drink every time something good or bad happens to me. I think about how to deal with it, the problem. Not drink it away. I already know I can't drink my problems away, and knew this before I went to AA. Am I at the wrong place? I was never locked up in prison or believe in DWI. I have no sympathy for those who drink and drive, they are idiots. Do what I did if your drunk , hire a limousine to pick you up and help you spend your money so you don't have enough to drink the next night. There is no common sense to driving and drinking. If you do this , you should be put in jail and pay for it. You could of killed me or a child while drinking and driving, dumb ass.

I have no empathy for those who beat up people from drinking or doing stupid shit . That just means they are mentally not ready to drink. I am not saying that one should drink and sit at home like I did. That is bad also. But I commit no crimes when I did this. I just fucked my self up when I did this and I have learned my lesson. Is AA for people that are just plain stupid? I am not sure, most seem pretty smart, but a re-hash of the program night after night has shown me a few things, and why people do not go. I really will have to examine this a bit further and see if a 12 step program for Christians in recovery is possibly where I need to go. Right now, I think I am just fed up with the whole idea that I just don't seem to fit in with the present group I am with, yet I have been to about 7 different places in 4 towns. Same AA ore-amble and a new comer comes in and people are nice to them, but what kind of help are they getting, none. I have given my business cards to a few of these fellows and no one cals, so there is a flaw in this system that was set up to help alcoholics.

Working the steps is still a vital part of staying sober, I believe you can do this with a close friend or stranger and be done with it, and possibly go back to it when needed. Always help out your fellow human beings as step 12 suggest, do we all help others we see in need, no , but sometimes we do. That is human nature, and if you have a blown out tire on the freeway , usually that would be considered a 12 step , you are helping out a unfortunate one that has a problem. I beleieve AA works for some people, and some have no other choice as they can't believe in a higher power and possibly AA is their higher power. Confused today, sorry if I offend you. Chris