I had a thought the other day. Why was I living and what do I contribute to society. I don't really know the answers. I live for day to day for my work . I have a son that counts on me to be here. I have a Mother and a Father that enjoy me when it is convenient for them. I guess these are good enough reasons to show up and suit up for work each day and make a living and be sober. These people rely upon me even though I barely see them every day. even at age 50 , I am still single but by my choice and I cannot blame God for this.This town I live in was to blame for my drinking years, I thought. However when I look back and think it matter none where I lived. I drank to oblivion wherever I lived. Always blaming the city and my loneliness, and that was why I drank. Loneliness is a good reason to drink. It is not a valid reason for destroying your body and others lives though.
That is why I stay sober and get up everyday and say my prayers. I don't go to AA much anymore. I had a friend die and for some reason it has kept me away from AA. I have been enjoying coming home after work and just lying down and watching TV and sleeping. I hope this is normal, I am not sure, just kind of tired from work I guess lately. I need to get up and start going to AA again so I do not slip back into a recluse. I can do this very easy.
I have gotten rid of my Corvette and my SUV for a smaller car that gets better gas mileage and this is responsible. I hate being responsible. This is what sober living does to me. I traded off my toys for a car that makes sense for my work and life. I , also had to cut back on bills as they were high in car cost. Responsibility is discipline where you may not be use to like myself.God bless and I am glad I wrote this today so I know now why I am here. Have a good day..Christopher
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