Xanax, Panic, and the Sober Human

Funny thing about life is we live in a addicted society, whether it be illegal drugs, prescription drugs, or alcohol. There is always a potential for abuse.I am one of these people that has had panic attacks for over 30 years and used alcohol and pills and other drugs to make me feel normal. The madness has not stopped, the illegal drug use and alcohol have stopped, but I continue with Xanax. I am coming out of the closet today for a reason. I have noticed that I am having more frequent panic episodes and Im on a high dosage of Xanax and have been for years. So if you read this blog I am a recovered alcoholic , but when I sober up nine years ago I was house bound. I could not go outside the house,fear of the marketplace or agoraphobia is what I had . I worked with dr.s on a solution beside Xanax and nothing worked as usual. I am monitored by a psychiatrist and I do not abuse my medication, yet the possibility is there to abuse these. I am fortunate that I am working still and able to get out of the house and do what normal people do.

There is no cure for panic attacks, I have searched for many years and if you don't know what they are , I am not going to explain this to you. Google this because I am sick and tired of having to explain to some people what it is like.To live in constant fear of if I am going to have a attack is stressful, finding help online at a treatment center is rare and most that I have found are trials with other drugs.The few clinics in the USA that help people with anxiety and panic are for the very rich as they don't take insurance and are very costly. However I have not really found one that is long term, just like alcoholism, you can go to treatment but a very low percentage of people ever sober up past treatment. So what do I do? Keep living my life one day at a time and still searching for an answer to my addiction and how to treat panic once I get off the medication. There is no answers to this.

Therefor, if you suffer like I do with these panic attacks and anxiety constantly, please leave me information if useful. a 12 step program for this medication is great but then I need to be able to function in the real world.Just like an alcoholic you might say, but it is not.I have sober up many times with the panic coming right back into my life and making me more miserable than being a alcoholic. This disorder of panic is really a bad deal, and needs attention. There are millions of people in my situation and from what I have read not a one has truly gotten totally off medication for panic.
God bless and please send me information. Thank You Chris

Recovering Addict and Being Normal

What is normal? That is the million dollar question. Is anyone really normal? There are so many different types of people and they have so many beliefs. I would guess normality would be a sane person that abides by most of our laws and has a job, maybe a wife and a kid, but that statement is not true either. So I do know that to walk around drunk or high during the day or night, probably is not normal but in movies, they depict this as being normal.

I believe if you are doing right by Gods way that you must be somewhat normal. Don't hurt others on purpose and abide by the ten commandments the best as you can seem like you are trying to be a good citizen and good human. If you drink that does not make you a bad person if you drink because of problems then that is normal but not a good excuse. Complicated as it may seem, I think the most of us that respect others and treat them as we would like to be treated is the best idea of being a good human and reflects a normal attitude. We all have our sins that we commit to our bodies, whether it is eating too much or drinking too much, but we don't really hurt anyone but ourselves and it affects others who live around us.

Being a recovering alcoholic is normal and it is part of living for a good majority of us. There are some people that will never know what it is to have a year of sobriety, and that is a shame. However if one seeks to get away from the stuff and really believes in a higher power, I believe they can lead a normal way of life like the rest of our normal people in this world. Even after nine years of sobriety, I think it is normal for a person to have a glass of wine and smoke a joint and enjoy it. My problem is I never could accomplish this and would go overboard with the drink or find other drugs. Life is a trip and hopefully,
you read this and get something out of it. If not I enjoy entertaining myself with these words I write. Have a good day and God Bless You. Chris

Prayers for Recovering Addicts Do Good

I pray every day at sunrise and sunset. I pray in the work day and sometimes I forget to pray during the day. The world is full of love and hate. I think the media is to blame and the Internet. No matter who is to blame, prayers can calm a man down when anxious or depressed. God is with me all the time and checking up on you the rest of the time. He never leaves any one of us. He is always there. Sounds like a miracle, well God is the miracle that no one can really explain in a manner where realism is concerned. You either accept the fact that there is a God and enjoy his power that he holds as his spirit runs through your body, planning out the day for you one moment at a time. I must live in the moment because I have no idea where I will be in an hour from now. God is powerful and all I need to do is look at my dog or a tree and realize the imperfections are really perfections of life as God wants them to be. I rely on God to show me the strength and keep my head cool in hot situations and to bless the world. What does this have to do with addiction, very simple, pray for God to remove your illness and do the right thing and stop and get help from one of God's people that care for us?


I rely on God more than anything to stay sober. It has been almost 9 years now and my way seems to work. AA is also a good place to hang out, but I don't rely on AA to keep me sober. I have heard the stories and I still hear them and I know I do not want the hurt from these stories. I like being free from drugs and alcohol, there are no problems with people when I do stay sober. Granted life throws at us certain people we don't want to be around and he gives us the strength to deal with these others.

Whether religious or not, prayers or mantras can become a valuable source of positive affirmation in your life when battling drug addiction. One of the most common prayers repeated in recovery is known as the Serenity Prayer. It was created by Reinhold Niebuhr and reflects the attitude that not everything in life may be controlled. It acknowledges the struggle we all face in seeking out a path toward serenity and recovery in a world that often feels chaotic and beyond our control.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

A mantra, or prayer like the one above, may be repeated daily to help reinforce positive thinking when cravings are creating distractions on your path toward recovery. The Recovery Prayer by Abby Willowroot, is designed to reaffirm your awareness of the strengths it takes to recover from addiction:

Busy Recovering Alcoholic

Well, it has been some time since I have written, and I think I am going to get honest on this site because I have not been. I have been sober of illegal drugs and alcohol for almost 9 years. I do have a mental condition known as ADD to Panic Attacks. I take medicine for these issues and have been for most of my life. I don't know if I am right for doing what I do, but I cannot function without the medication in a way that will make me productive and happy. I have tried several times getting off the meds but I always came back to them because I could not work or do anything. I was housebound. Most in alcoholism recovery would say I am covering up something that could be worked out in the 12 steps, I cannot. Yes, I have tried and yet I feel guilty almost every day for taking this prescribed medication for my mental disorder and have not found any help in the small city I live in. There are cities in Dallas and Houston that have a way of recovery but I do not have the luxury to go to these clinics. I have to work and keep money coming in. So this is my self-inflicted level but is it. If I had cancer I would take treatment, well I have a mental disorder that can only be controlled by medication or long-term therapy in which I don't have the resources in my little city.
I guess this is a confession because I am not perfect but I have stayed off the drugs and alcohol that made my life miserable and no I did not trade it for other drugs. I have had the mental disorder before the alcohol and other things I use to ingest. This blog is for me and not for anyone else, and someday I will look back and see what I have written and maybe where I went wrong. Maybe this will be one of them. I'm sober it is Sat night and I work Sunday as usual. People will tell me different things about what I do from AA, however, it is the individual, and God that make the end choices. Please comment on this if you like. I'm not perfect nor profess to know about addiction like a professional, but these so-called pros do they really know what it is like to live agoraphobic and do they know how to live sober after 30 years of drinking. So many choices, you have to make your own. God Bless Chris

Co Worker Drives me Crazy With Talking

As a recovering alcoholic there are times when at work I get to work with those who talk about nothing to do about work and babble on for hours about how many girls he has slept with and how hot he is to women. It drives me nuts to hear this over and over. Is this person looking for some kind of relief from me, or is he making sure I know he is a chick magnet? He just won't shut the fuck up. He is a kind person, but his mouth and actions are that of a 16 yr old 53 yr old kid. It is insane to listen to, so I am going to try to drown him out with positive thoughts today as I am training under this guy for just a few more days, and then its over. I started to write my boss about him but I don't want to be the bad guy. Staying sober is easy, it is the living part of sobriety that is hardest in the program. Maybe you know of a person like this. Please comment. Thank You Chris

Thankful Day Or Is It?

Thanksgiving is today, and I started a new job this last week, so I am off today and get double pay on Friday, so that is cool. What is not cool is my Thanksgiving meal I had with my father who insists od continued drinking and driving on a good cop catching day, a holiday. I am so thankful I am not drinking and not having to worry about being pulled over for smoking pot or drinking. God has blessed me with a good family but they are spread out all over the country, so rarely we get together, if at all anymore since the kids in the family are in their 50s and all but with both parents alive and very strong headed about what they are not going to do as far as holidays are concerned. It is a bummer in a way, as we used to have a large group of family years back going to eat and dressing up for lunch. Times really change when you get older and you are divorced as I am. I have a son who is 23 and I rarely get to see him as he lives with my ex-wife and her new family.

The good thing is to accept these changes and move on to the next day gracefully. Thining of others than yourself is hard at times, but it does get you out of self. This day I will not be sad as I spend it alone as I have been for so many years. This is my fault because I could be doing some service work such as feeding the homeless or something like this, however, I do enjoy being with my puppy and watching TV as well, and not worrying about anything. This is what I hear is called relaxing and I hear it is ok to do this. I am always on the go and something on my mind. God bless you all on the fabulous family day. Chris

Sobriety and Thanksgiving

Well, once again it is that time of the year where most families get together and celebrate a holiday known as Thanksgiving. The traffic sucks and most of the people coming to visit you, well you may not be in the mood to see them. However, this is a time for forgiving others and eating food that most women spend lots of time cooking. Personally, I do not care much for the holidays, in back eight years ago it was just another excuse to get drunk and high and my family either did not know I was or never said anything. As I am 54 now my family has gotten smaller so there is no big feast there is just my mother and father who are both this year widowed. So therein lies the problem with who do I eat with on this day. I love them both but there is only one of me. At least they both want me to spend time with them. I think I have worked it out one I will meet in the afternoon the other in the evening. They both live in separate cities, so lots of driving for me. Well, they have supported my sobriety and they both love me so to show my love back this is all I can do.

Staying sober is not a problem for me, its just living life is. That is where AA and the Big Book come hand in hand in sobriety, to help you with your living situation. It is like the laymens Bible for living with an addiction and it does contain good sayings about how to conduct yourself and let God take over and run your life. It is not an easy task but I do know how to let go and let God into my life. I hope you are able to do this-this Thanksgiving Day as we may not like it or despise this but it is a part of our daily living. So be it