My Name Is Chris and I am a Alcoholic

 Damn not use to this blogger interface. Hi , hope all is well with you today or tonight. My name is Chris Hyer an I write a diary on my drinking over the years of sobriety. That would be 11 going on 12 years  of no alcohol.One day at a time. Yes that is really true, they have been trying times. There have been problems along the way, but nothing that God could not heal.

Not a one thing in 11 years has God let me down. I have felt like I have let God down over the years . To quit drinking is where you start. That is the hardest part of this program. Is to quit doing something that makes you feel good , but then it kills your internal organs and we cannot drink as much as we would like. Given one might possibly have 20 drinks , that old saying has been going around AA for years and I do not agree totally with it. Just take it one Evening ,morning, whenever you drink try not to. IT will not work, unless you have done this many times then who knows.

 

I thought for sure that Covid would do it for me and my sobriety, but no I am confused about this virus and how it attacks, and it is a killer.This is time for high anxiety for me, and your damn right I take a Xanax for this trouble the China government gave to the World a deadly and scary ass show of power that we seem to not display at certain points in our government. Back to stopping that one drink, try not to go to the store you usaually buy beer or liquor and go by a Coke at another store. This is your safe zone, you just beat a beer. Now get your ass to a AA Meeting..lol             

Casino Closed & Virus Drinking

Ok this is going to really piss a few people off, maybe not. Im alcoholic and sick minded anyway however sober and grateful. The Virus, man, we are going to have to listen about this for the rest of our lives. Very hard hitting virus this is,I have been blessed healthy during this time. I take pre cautions at times then at other times I for get this whole thing is going on.

So is there anything about drinking when a fucking vrus that wipes out thousands of people who are just like you and I. Young and old, hell I think this is a great reason to drink and then I feel honestly if I started drinking again I would have to quit again or I die. So I only have one option. That is to not drink and I have suffered a little bit and I just got 11 years as of this month, and I feel a little uncomfy about my sobriety right now. That is why I am writing, just to get this out of my mind.

I bet a lot of people went back to drinking in AA because there are a few that use the AA group as thier way of staying sober. I find I like the meetings but not all the time, but it does feel good to go. Oh well I will check back and send me your thoughts. Smile God is?

Is Alcohol a Disease?

Is Alcohol a Disease? The final conclusion I found is that it is an addiction for the brain, and destroys the liver and affects the lives around us. The AMA does not conclude that this is a disease but a mental illness. One that can be controlled only by quitting and stopping the obsession to desire for a alcoholic drink. The only way for me was God and AA.

Why am I here tonight? I gave up drinking and smoking 10 years ago because the two chemicals I was using were keeping me awake and therefore I was having delusions. My brain was deteriorating. I was speaking so fast that I could not keep my words up to my thoughts, I knew I was dying, but I accepted this as a part of me. I liked being a speed talker and not listening, I was right you were wrong. I was really just plain sick!!

Why AA? Three years of being dry, I wanted to be around others that were not drinking. I started coming to AA weekly. I got a sponsor this time around and God bless him as he is my friend also who is a pilot, one occupation I always wanted to be.

What is the future for me? I cannot predict the future but I can say I will not go back to drinking. How can I say this, I just look back to the last time I hit bottom, and the distress I did to myself and my Mother.

The Steps of AA Why? This is a way of living for anyone wanting to quit anything, eating to much ice cream, drinking too much, quitting a habit is what the 12 step program is. It is spiritual and connects one to God and God is either everything or he is nothing. I chose that God is everything to me.

How I made it 10 years? One day at a time and praying each and every morning and night for God to be with me and my family and to please keep me sober one more day. This is so easy but I had to believe and I do. God exist in each and every one of us, even the agnostic person who hates God, God is with you. Just look around and see the plants and animals, these are not scientific these are God given gifts.

My mother—She has stuck with me over 53 years and never let up on me, Yes she and I do not agree on some things but in recent years, I have learned that she is smarter than I gave her credit for. I have so much to learn from her. God blessed me a good life and I shall keep it as good as I can.

The End- God created us to be friendly and loving towards each other, this can be difficult. We run to alcohol and drugs to make life easier, but it is temporary until we want to feel good again, then we indulge even more alcohol and more stronger drugs. Until we reach a point our bodies can’t take it. Then we crash or hit our bottom. You either die or get help and help yourself. No one can do this program for you.

Chinese Surprise Gift to The USA, The Virus

I am going to start out by saying I do not blame American Chinese citizens that have a corupt way of life. North China always had a love to rule over anyone they can, well it looks like they have succeeded in wiping out the 144 countries that now have the virus. The USA is and will be hit hard with death. So what about drinking to that for about 6- 12 months of sitting at home and drinking and partying and collect checks that wont last a month for most Americans. Not a good idea but  I wonder who or how many alcoholics have lost their sobriety over this war. I am afraid that there will be a few that give in, I know I thought about it. Go to Colorado and buy me some legal weed and drive it back to Texas and if lucky not get caught and sit at home with a few cases of beer and my smoke and block out the news and listen to The Def tones 24hrs a day. Isolation breeds frustration as yes the thought came to mind but reality check I might get thrown in jail and that would really suck at a time like this. I have ten years of sobriety and I have this plan because of the virus.This blog I write for myself so I can look back, and see when I get older than the 56 yrs I am.

Maybe you have thought of similar ways to really fuck up your sober life over the virus. Good reason and I dont blame a single one for falling off the wagon.It can be scary to know that at the minimum the news says 100k to 200k on 3/31/2020 will die  in the USA. My god, the devil is playing games and god is seeing how people will react, in my opinion. He is judging us and our actions as God loves everyone but we get spanked and this time God used a belt and its going to really hurt a lot of women , children and men that did nothing but work hard and lived life as God wants it, not as how we want life.

Hard to swallow why a God like ours would let the world fall apart but there is a reason. I do not know this reason nor do you. My opinion is this is Gods way of telling the people that we are not living right, or should I say the sinners, you and I ask for forgiveness and then we do it again what we did wrong. The world is full of Christian humans but maybe not enough to control the situation?

All I can say is if you are sober you must believe in God, period, not some damn pole like they say in AA, as to pick someone more powerful than you. Well God and the Devil are more powerful than any of us, so who you going to get on your knees for? The devil fucked up my life and God brought me back to my senses. It took a while as the devil was busy and still is with me. I damn this devil that is killing innocent lives, God loves us, he is not punishing us for being human he knew when Adam And Eve we were to be his sinners and to ask for Gods help in need. However how many used the God phone and use it daily? Im addicted to the spirit of the lord and I may not live through this year 2020, and thats ok. God will make this decision, not any President, but Trump has done and is doing a job no one could do, give him credit. Sure he is an asshole but he is a leader.Hillary Clinton can you imagine her in this mess. Shit Im not poised to any political party but I base it on the person. I am glad that Bozo the clown Obama is not involved that pussy of a president.

We have our fearless leader, God. I think and practice praying for everyone in the world and pray for yourself. I dont know why AA says do not ask for selfish presents, why not if you are hurting.I pray for you who reads this crap I wrote but I tend to be a little pissed we have not Nuked N China over this, might as well do it now also. Have a healthy life and dare to come back for more from me. I love everything and eeryone in the world, the problem is they who do harm to people should pay for this or we all will pay for this. There is no tomorrow for sure and even now that is even stronger to say. Try God    Chris

Sobriety in 2020, A New Year For 10 Years

Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Chris and I am a recovering alcoholic for over ten years straight now as of 2020. The last year was a challenge as all years are with sobriety. Drinking alcohol is not even in my vocabulary or thoughts these days. It is just not a part of my life anymore. I hear people in AA talk about alcohol and re- read the Big Book so many times that I wonder if this is the only way some people can stay sober. Not a popular thing to say but the only time I think of alcohol and the past is when I go to AA. Now that is not a good thing for me however I still go because maybe it has helped me stay sober for this long but I attribute my sobriety to my spiritual beliefs and how I conduct my life on a daily basis. I do not have time to drink alcohol or even at that I cannot even conceive having a hangover. This is not acceptable to me, I cannot live in this manner and to slip and go back to drinking is not possible in my head.Its been one more year 2019 that I have lived without a drink and do I think of alcohol , not really. There is no place in my life for this luxury.

I believe one must reach a point in his sobriety where the mentality of drinking is just not there anymore. The thoughts of getting loaded are gone after an amount of time. I made my mind up the first year that no more alcohol was to be had with me. It had caused me too many problems with my life. Ruined relations and jobs in which I had many. AA is good for people that want to stop drinking but in the long term one must come to rely upon himself that this is the kind of life you will live one day at a time. The rewards for not drinking are abundant but not realized after a period of non drinking. Its just life without getting stoned drunk on a daily basis. Of course some will like what I am saying others will debate me on AA, as I think AA is a crutch for some alcoholics. They need the AA and Big Book read over and over day after day to stay sober. After a while it just sinks into my brain and remember what passages I liked and helps me and yes I read "How it works", almost daily to remind me of who I am.Therefor , I am not saying AA has not helped, it has but in the end I am the one with the money and hands to pick up a drink from the store and start the madness all over again and that is called insanity to me. I have enough mental problems to not throw in alcohol with the existing anxieties and depression I might have from time to time. I read on how to help myself in those situations or give it up to God and we work on the problem. Running is so easy to do yet facing the facts I have a problem and working through my issues have made me stronger and a better person than I was ten years ago.

So sobriety in 2020 will be no different unless I have to change in a manner to keep my sobriety intact. This is very important in all my affairs is to stay sober even when times are not going that well. Yes it is not an easy task at times but that is when I go to AA and my friends that do not drink will listen to me and I listen to them and every thing seems to go ok for that moment.I keep reading and praying all during the day is my secret to living a sober day. Hopefully others have learned the art of using a hgher power than themselves to go to and listen to problems that might arise on a daily basis.

I wish everyone a great new year and if your thinking about quitting alcohol , then that is just wonderful and I wish you the best!! Happy New Year Chris

Time Moves Forward with a Clear Head

Alcohol, and drugs can blur our minds, and make us believe in things that are not true. When I sobered up , reality was hard to handle . I battled reality through my sobriety and still wanted things to go my way for almost 10 years. We all want things to work out just like we intend them, however this is not happening. Believe in God and things or days will go with the flow and nothing will over whelm you that you cannot live with. It is a two way street , you must accept those things that use to baffle us and continue to baffle us, but do not try to control them. Life is a struggle and it is tough at times but if you stay close to the 12 steps of living life day to day then all will be better just not exactly the way you might have expected.
Change is something we alcoholics are pretty good at. If you think about it we changed where we lived in hopes of stop drinking when we were in a new place but continued to drink. Change when one is sober is good but can be strange and scary. This is when you pause take a deep breath of fresh air and let go and let God into life. The answer will come, your body will go into motion at times reluctantly but usually for a positive reason for you at this time of day. Hopefully you understand what I am saying. I have ten years of sobriety and live life one day at a time. I do not consciously do this but it has become habit. I don't think to far in the future , I stay in the moment and try to see what I can give all the day to others. Try this in your life and see how it goes. Take Care. Chris

Drinking Just Makes Problems Worse

I was thinking the other day about some problems I have. One thought was to get a drink and let those problems go. However, the thought of drinking will never go away. It does recede with each day I live. I know alcohol is not an answer to anything except poison to me. It is my sick mind that thinks about drinking when life does not take me in a direction I intended. Of course , these times are seldom , they are part of living. God gives us choices and if we make the choice that gets us into trouble, then obviously we made the wrong choice. We should not beat ourselves over petty things and even the family problems will still be around after we drink. Years ago, ten to be actual is when I quit drinking alcohol, I developed a serene and lonely lifestyle. I have to admit that I miss the fun I had when I drank, but I also made a mess of things in the process. Maybe you can relate to what I am saying about alcohol or drugs. They are powerful chemicals and they can make you feel good about life in the moment. Long term they cause health problems, incarceration, and many other people problems. This is a known fact, and to quit drinking today is a idea I will point out is what you might need to get your life back in order.

Treatment centers should be a place where you should not be based on how much money you have and insurance. The alcohol business should pay for any treatment I have to take for drinking thier liquid. No way that will ever happen. I do not think much about expensive treatment centers. I have been to dumps and the expensive ones. They all have the same message. It is a shame that they want so much money from a drunk who is probably broke, and when he gets out of treatment he will have bills that will trigger him back into drinking. It is a crazy idea that if you need help from a center and they want to take all the money you have in order to dry you up.. They do not help afterwards. I know some of you do not think what I say is true, but it is.