Dating and Sobriety and just Today

I thought I would write a little bit about dating while working sobriety. In my case I have not been so lucky, I search for a woman on the Internet to date but have not really had any luck. There have been a few times I have gone out with an Internet date and most were not what I had expected. In fact, since I don't go to bars and I don't really have a nightlife, my dating pretty much does not exist.
I have thought about going to church, but that is about it, thought about it. I don't enjoy church, but I do like to dress up so maybe I can change that. My AA program right now is I am sober and don't go to very many meetings. I have been too darn tired from work. I get home lay down on the couch and then take care of errands and I really don't know if I have time for dating or even if I am ready to commit to anybody but myself right now and my family. I have not written lately and know I should write more, but life has been a big rush every day. No time for anything, and sometimes that is ok. God is watching over me, and I am sober today. So that is what counts today. Chris

Sex and Sobriety

Well, sex is the object of my blog today. Sex is non-existent in my life so far in the past few years of sobriety. Why? I guess part of it is I don't go to bars on Friday and Saturday nights looking for sex. I never did even when I drank. I might be old-fashioned in the way I think about casual sex also. I seem to need to love someone before I have sex. The act of sex can be an addiction they say, but my sex drive is nill. I just try to get through the day at some times sober, as that is a feat in itself. However, I think I want love not really the sex part. Of course, with love comes sex, and I guess that is what I am holding out for. I find that I am guilty of liking those women that are outwardly pretty but in most cases, they are rude as hell if they are as sexy as I think they are. Being sober really makes you look and think hard about the sex question. Iknow a lot of people in AA go to meet and find a casual sex partner in group meetings but I don't think that is a good idea for me as I have tried this and she was still very mentally sick. Oh well, when the time comes for me to meet the one God will point her out and I will go from there. Have a good day. Chris

Sober and Working

I have not updated my blog in a while, and it is because I have been working so much. It's like going to an AA meeting when you work 13 hr. Days, it is hard to get motivated to go. I still try to make the Saturday meetings in Midland, Texas. However, I am very busy on the weekends also. I know that AA has helped me stay sober, but in reality, it is my spiritual strength with God that keeps me sober as well. I have to watch out, because of what they say in AA, like when things get good and you back away from meetings is when you are looking for trouble. I wonder sometimes if what I hear in AA is a type of brainwashing because I have not had the urge to drink since I am so busy. I don't know but I have been sober for almost 9 years. I will write more on this weekend, got to head out. Chris

Living For Today Sober

Sometimes I get my head all confused about what I am going to be doing a few days or months ahead of myself, and I get real nervous. This is not good for your health but living for the day you are in is a good way for living. You can take daily living for what it is. You wake up , start your day with questions or prayers and then if you work you go and do the work that is assigned to you. Sounds pretty cut and dry, but what about other people that are in your life at work and at home. You have to deal with traffic and your car, also Dr. appointments and other things that go along with plain old living. Then you have the occasional surprises the good and the bad, and you learn how to deal with these once they come up.

Living day to day is not easy, for anyone, if you think about it. However if you do just a little bit of pre planning it can be a fun and enthusiastic day for you. My days vary with work as a technician and I run into many mechanical problems that I have to guess the right answer, and hopefully the product will function, it is stressful as I make it . I try to make a game of it and I have kept this job for over 2 months with no problems from my boss or others. So I must be doing something right? I work by myself with the aid of a computer in hand to tell me what to do for the day. The computer is my boss and it keeps track of me and my times, I have done well with this job and that bothers me at times. I have stayed sober for almost 9 years now, and that has been easy but the drink thinking does come to my mind at times when things go wrong. I go to AA however , this does not keep me sober. What keeps me sober is remembering my last drunk and how bad I felt. That was very bad and I was very sick. I never want to be that way again in my living life. So day to day living can be hell sometimes, but the alternative is not an answer to my living a full day of ups and downs. God Bless Chris

Darkness for the Alcoholic and Drug User

I have been very busy at work and loving my job. I am making good money, probably the best I have ever made. No problems with my boss or anything, able to afford to buy a new car. I have everything, sobriety, a new car , a life. What happened. I was tempted last night to start smoking pot .

So why would I start smoking pot when all is going good? I did not think about the negative or darkness that I might be putting myself into again, its has been almost 9 years now with no drinking or drugs, then on a Saturday night, I get the urge to smoke pot. I found a person on CL and i went to meet him with 140.00 in cash to buy some Hydro Pot. I meet with this guy I don't know and he jumps in my new car and I give him the money and he dispersal
..lol He fucking ran off with my cash. Was I mad , no. That was weird, this guy just took my cash and hauled ass. I actually thought that I was buying from a guy that needed to get rid of what he had and went to his car to get my drug. I waited only 20 minutes and texted him and never heard back. I told him I guess you borrowed my money, No answer..I am glad he stole from me last night, I am not mad at what he did or mad at myself, I am just glad he needed this cash more than I needed the pot. God was watching out for me and the darkness.

Sounds stupid I know but I awoke feeling like I got high last night, but it was guilt that I actually was going to go through the hell I put myself through 9 years ago, not even thinking about ifI got caught by the police. I would of lost my job, my family would of been crushed, and the darkness would become real.

The lesson for me here, is I want the light that I live right now, AA will not keep you sober but it might help. Only I can keep Chris sober, and my relationship to God. I was blessed that I got spanked for trying to buy pot last night by having a piece of me , my money taken from me. The story of when things get going good you better watch out, is so very true. That is what happened, my life is going good and i wanted to taste the bud again in my mouth and nose. I love the smell of pot , always will, but it casued me problems and I don't need the problems. The kid did me a favor by taking my money and not returning. I feel stupid of course, but I have enough money that it did not hurt me that bad, which is good so in the long run, I did not go to jail , for having drugs and i did not screw up my sobriety. I have to be careful. I need to find a NA group maybe today. Oh well thought I would mention this for my blog. Have a God Filled sober day! Chris

God Loves You, Just Have To Believe, and Believe Can be Hard

To live a sober life and be productive is a challenge in itself. I don't know when I have felt so good in my life these last four months, and pray I do. I have not changed my prayers but I live with my prayers and don't expect anything in return and I'll be damned if God throws me a curve ball and what seemed doomed turns out ok. I have mentioned this many times and I have lived this many times. I think what I am trying to say is , if you really want something you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself and God it is time for a change please be with me. That is what I did 4 weeks ago and one miracle after another keeps happening. I deal with problems in a calm way, I dont stress at night or sweat the small stuff. Life has been good for me the last eight years, but I have to be careful cause I start to think well a drink sure sounds good about now. I have to say to myself I would not be in this good of a situation if I started drinking. Drinking has a lot to do with how we process our thoughts and actions. When sober for a period of time and a hold on reality for a change, I became to realize that God was running all these peoples lives in AA that wanted to stay sober . You can hear it in thier words. Words really express how one is at the moment. They can change your life if you use better and encouragement words in every way and every body. Do something for some one else, this helps as well. Good night. God Bless, He has me on a high and I don't want it to end.

All is Good in Sobriety

It has been some time since I have posted anything, I have been too busy with my new job and traveling almost every day. Yes I even travel by plane with my work. I have beat my fear of flying sober. That is one of several miracles that has happened to me in recent weeks. I truly believe that if you follow what you think Gods plan is for you and live this plan sober , that miracles will come true. I have talked about it and lived these miracles for about eight years ow, and because I am sober I am able to remember them and tell them to you.

My higher power is God and he listens to me and answers me when its his time not mine. I am very happy right now making a goood income and living a good life. Staying sober in the months I did not have a job I stayed busy doing things that led up to me getting my job. I woke up early and looked for work just like I had a job and several weeks later i landed a good paying and family business position that I am comfortable with finally. It is not easy but it is a challenge and God challeges me every day. You have to keep an open mind and say Yes I can do this. Even when in doubt, the fear goes away when you hand this over to God. Have a blessed day. Chris