Friday, June 3, 2016

Sobriety and the Internet "huh"

Well, interesting enough, I started writing this blog about 7 years ago and I have about 400 readers monthly . So you are reading what was intended on being a personal journal abut my sobriety and living life. Thank you for finding an interest in this blog. I don't care if a thousand people read this a month, I am not making any money for it..Anyway, I had my AA Birthday night last week and 20 people turned out to listen to what I had to say. It really was a large crowd for my group as we are a small group of usually about 6- 10 people showing up to meetings. I was glad that there were people interested in what I had to say.
I wrote most of what I wanted to say down before going to the meeting as I was the only speaker. There was a fellow from the treatment center, called La Hacienda that was there, he was alright I guess. Treatment centers trip me out. They take all your money when you go into one and if you have no previous association with AA , it can really throw you for a loop. Especially if you don't stay sober when your 30 days are up. Then you lost about 60k from La Hacienda and then they beg you to come back. Shit, I understand that a lot of celebrities and musicians go to this treatment center, even more than the Betty Ford clinic in California. You would think there would be some type of warranty with your money. I guess what I am saying is that if you have not fallen off a cliff and lost everything , please get yourself some free help from the Salvation Army or something like this organization. It is no country club , but I have been there in Ft Worth and I did stay sober for about 4 years because the damn place scared the crap out of me. Scared straight!! Maybe that is the answer instead of expensive country club spa locations that cater to the rich and famous.

These are only my opinions but in real life when you get out of the country club setting , you might still have a job and a house and a spouse but nine times out of ten most have lost all. This is not true for everyone, granted we all hit our own bottom when we decide it or alcohol and drugs have taken our money and cars and caused relationships to dry up. There is hope for everyone, including myself. staying sober for eight years is the most I have ever been like this and I don't ever see myself going back to the old way of living because I was not living, I was dying..

Truth, is I am living a great life, now. Yes , there are some downfalls, but I am hitting them straight on with honesty and truthfulness.It is so much better than all the lies I use to tell people tomake myself feel good, and I did feel good when I was high or stoned. I feel good straight now also, and it takes a few months or years to feel like I do right now. I would be a fool to go back to the past and re-live my whole crushing living with booze and drugs. I think about it at times that I had fun parties, but in reality, I was not having that much fun. I was drunk or high and just existing in my body. We all have addiction traits , like to chocolate or ice cream. However , they do not change the way you think or communicate with the world. They are fun addictions that need control. I drink Swepps Soda Water all the time and I am addicted to the bubbles and frosty feel in my mouth. It is like a ber , if you know where I am coming from. I even get virgin Bloody Mary drinks at the bar sometimes because I like them. However , I don't go to the bar on a monthly basis. I am pretty much working at something everyday. I feel like I am excelling in every day and accomplishing something as stupid as washing my clothes or taking the dog for a walk. These are things I never did when I was using alcohol or drugs. in the past I just sat at home and painted some pretty far out pictures with oil paint and got high, I saw stuff and painted them. They were graphic and I can even do this sober, but it took a while for my artistic self to realize I did not need to smoke a joint to paint. I guess we never forget the past and remeber the good times more than the bad. I think that is where AA helps me out. I wish you al a good weekend and I hope you enjoy my blog. Keep coming back it just gets more and more interesting I think..lol  Christopher Hyer

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Non-Drunk Memorial Day and Socially Sober

It's been a while since I have written. I do this blog for my own journal anyway, so when I look back over the future, I can see how much I have grown or resisted growth. However you are welcome to review my blog post and make comments.

Its Sunday night in Midland, Texas and it is Memorial Day on Monday, in which we have so many Veterans that are young and old that have made the USA free with the work in our military. God bless them and hopefully we can bring home a few thousand more young people home with thier families. That is what life is about , is family living and not war. I think our political system seems to split this up especially during the election year. Let's bring our brothers and sisters home where they belong.

Staying sober today is no different than it was last week or eight years ago for me. I do stay sober for a reason. The main reason is I do not want to feel bad the next day. When drinking and smoking pot , at night usually , I was very happy and content I thought. However ,now that it has been 8 years of complete sobriety, it is just normal for me to be sober on any given day. That is a great obstacle I have overcome over the time of being sober, and I hope if you have a drinking problem you will realize that this can happen to you also. It takes a little bit of work on your part and a lot of spiritual work on God's part to stay sober, but once you have it, sobriety will stay with you as long as you will it to be.

I am not feeling like I am missing out on anything right now, I worked today and I have lots of hours in overtime, and this makes me happy. I have other problems besides worrying about drinking today , that the urge to have alcohol is not even a option. I will celebrate with the 12 step group at the PDAP building in Midland, Texas on Wed at 7:30 PM of this week. So if anyone is local , please say you saw my blog and I will be happy to know you.I have no idea of what I will say as my sobriety is due to so many things in my life. From AA Meetings to the spirit of god I pray to everyday to my family being happy I am alive and living without alcohol and pot. That should be enough, as some of the speaker meetings can go on and on. I will not talk about certain things in my life, but I am really an open book when I am at these meetings and I believe that most in my group know my circumstances.

Why do we talk about the past, I guess it is to remember where we came from and how the fight to keeping sober for so long is accomplished to those who cannot even think about being sober for a day. I know I was one of these people, and yet after several treatment centers and breaking so many hearts. I did stay sober this time for myself. It has paid off with love and material things that I have worked for. I live in a nice large house and have a loving puppy that loves me to pieces. I just hope that I can keep on staying sober for one day at a time like I have. That is all it really takes is AA Meetings and believing that you can make it one day at a time until the obsession goes away and it will. Well,thats about all I have to say, back to watching a movie and having a pizza. Goodnight. Christopher Hyer

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I get Bored AT Times being Sober

AT times I get pretty bored in between work and at home. I like being home but , I have exhausted my old hobbies with music and art. I find that the time I kill now is laying on the couch and watching a movie with my eyes closed, cause I am tired. Funny thing is I use to do the same thing when I was drinking . Except now , I am not. I don't wake up with the room spinning and I don't feel bad. Maybe a little bit depressed and wondering if I should do something new with my living situation. Midland, Texas is a boring town. No Lakes or mountains to gaze at and the only place to go out at night is AA, a restaurant, or bar. Being single my choices are very limited, I use to look forward to going to work. Now this is getting boring. I have been to more AA meetings and I enjoy these, but while I work I can't really attend these and that would be a cruch in a way.

AA cannot rule my life just guide it. I would get bored from going to a meeting every hour on the hour or every day for that matter. So Chris has to come up with an alternative to keep busy when I am at home beside looking at porn on the internet. lol..Really I don't look at that much porn..but in reality I do have to find a book I guess and start reading something. I watched a movie with Robert Deniro last night called the Intern. See it if you have not , it is a new release, but it pretty much is about a guy who is 70 and gets a job with a Google type company run by 20 something kids. It is funny and it is reality. He stays busy with yoga and other things , but it was good for me to see this show. Oh well I will report on what happens to me , right now I am just trying to get through each day, seems to be getting a little tougher than before, not sure whats up. I think its the boredom.Chris

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Happiness With Staying Sober Socially

I have been in a rut the last few weeks, and I think I might of found a way around my glum. I work on call 7 days a week and I was getting burned out from my job. My attitude was changing , I really was not caring about myself or the job. I think people call this burnout.

Well for me I started to think about smoking pot again and then I knew I was in trouble, so I went to an AA meeting as soon as I could. Noticed that I was not making AA much during the week cause of my burnout period. SO I changed this and then I realized I was doing the best job I could and to make it a little more fun than I have been . I wake up early at 5 AM to start work and usually home by 3PM and I was getting slack in this area. I realize AA is a big deal but I was too bored and tired to go to AA meetings lately . I was slowly sinking and realized that my job is not my life, but it has to be a part of my daily living if I want money.

SO change again, I am now making sure I put some fun into my work and that I try to take different mind games so as to not dread waking up in the mornings. I hope I can stay positive, I am coming up on 8 years on May 21st of this month and i felt really down.

I guess I just have to understand that Im not that important but my well being is. I cannot drink nor will I . But that sick thinking comes into play at times when I am too bored or depresssed> maybe some of you out there have felt this way. There is a way out of the boredom and that is getting involved with projects like gardening or whatever. I will report later on what I have done, but to realize this and to take action now is most important..Chris

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Sobriety and Having a Dog?

There is something to be said about having my Labrador Retriever as my friend and companion . I highly recommend getting an animal such as a dog that you can love when going through sobriety. The animal unconditionally loves you all the time. I have had Abbey my puppy for over threee years and she is always there for me . In the tough times I can hug her and even when I feel like loving her I can, she loves being loved. I am single so this puppy has been my girlfriend and friend in life. I treat her like a human and she loves me for it.

Someone to love and love you back is important in sobriety. I still have not found Mrs. right for me, so the dog just does fine in my case. She does not complain ever or get sad, or tell me any lies. Love her to the moon. I have been doing ok recently , my new job has its moments but I finally got off this weekend and decided to write in my journal. I will have eight years sobriety in May 21st of this month. That is a long time for me. However if your reading this and only have one day , that also is a long time , as I remember this as it was yesterday.

I basically was talking to my puppy and figured this would be good information to put on my blog since I love my pupy so much and has brought me company when I had none. So run out and get yourself a pet and learn how to give and love giving to this animal. Chris 5/1/16

Monday, April 18, 2016

Social Sobriety and God Living

Living with God in your heart and mind is possible once you have been sober . You may have God in your heart right now, and not be sober, if so then great you are in a win , win situation if this is your case. I see many people run from t the word God when mentioned in AA meetings and I really don't know why. In church many of us as little children may have thought God was this mean person that would come down and damn us to hell for messing around when we knew we should of. A force greater than ourselves is what God is taught to be and he is. The mention of God in AA is to find a higher power greater than ourselves that will love us and protect us from evil and bad wrongs that we seem to do to ourselves. 

I have always had God in my heart but until I started going to meetings I never really understood how to use his powers to make my life more livable. Do you have this problem? It is not unusual to fear the unknown and the unseen person that has great and almighty powers. However when you see a tree and the leaves and veins in the leaves , you have to kind of think there must be some supreme leader that can make such a beautiful tree. I , am a believer in faith now and not before I sober up that I had such a belief. God fills us with joy and sorrow and he gives us the ability to do right or wrong. He gives us choices in life and we make the decisions whether to act on these choices. That is God given power and love to each and every one of us. 

Do not give up on God when things are wrong in your life, sure I have doubted him from time to time and this is not unusual but I always knew something good would happen after ward. I believe as a recovering addcit and drunk that I have to rely upon God for my sobriety and the steps of AA to keep the faith. Why not try and talk to God on your knees right now for what you need and want. The miracles do happen and they happen often. God Bless Chris

Sunday, April 17, 2016

2016 Sober Birthday Today

I turned 53 today on April 17th ,1963 and I tried to put together a trip , but just made a mess out of it. I am happy to be sober today and quite tired as I ended up going to Ruidoso, New Mexico on Saturday to celebrate my birthday by myself. I also played at the casino on my trip and did not win a thing. I went through ton of money and nothing hit on the one armed bandits. I usually do pretty good, but I have come to the conclusion that my hard earned money was not worth losing to a machine in a mattter of minutes. I had booked a hotel room as Ruidoso is about a 5-hour drive from Midland, Texas. When I was finished losing all my money, I checked in and then laid down for a moment, and checked out. I drove all the way back last night. Foolish as it was, because I was tired, I wanted to be home on Sunday. Addiction is always with the recovered alcoholic. whether it is sex addiction or gambling addiction , we have that personality that over comes us in some things we do. I can't seem to do things in moderation. This has been a ongoing problem since I have been sober.

Money problems have plagued me. It is no different than the alcoholic who has a drinking addiction, and if I don't stop gambling then I will have another problem as I already have this issue. I am blessed in that I am not completely broke from my escapade, but I hit myself hard and my credit cards are getting maxed out. I really want what I want when I want it. Obsessive Compulsive disorder to an extent. I am not sad , however, cause thing swill work out with the help of God and a little more control over my spending habits. It is simple just do not spend on stuff I cannot afford. The alcoholic who has to have everything , is a crazy person. I am a little crazy in this aspect.

I met a woman online from years back from High School and I was meaning to go visit her in Bryan < Texas. Decisions on not meeting her were maybe not sound. I thought after talking to her that she drank every night. She seemed quite drunk every time I spoke to her, so I decided not to go and see her because I did not want to deal with her issues. However, her issues may be unfounded, and maybe she was just tired, I don't or should not question a person if they are a drunk until I have met them. I could of been wrong, and I made up the excuse not to come and see her. I hope I don't live to regret this decision.I am lonely for sex, and love and a relationship, could she be the one? I don't really know yet. Life is very confusing when you know someone but from a long time ago.

Well life goes on today, and one more day for God to direct me in the right direction. I paused this part of the blog to run a few errands, and to go see my mother , and it was good. Sobriety has it's advantages and there a lot of people that would dis agree with me, and a few that would agree with me. When you run your life God driven like I have or have tried, the perspective on your future is good and relations with people are better than when I drank. Ask your self, would you be better off sober socially or not? Would it make a change in you and would it be positive. It has been for me, even though I question sobriety at points in my life, am I missing out on drining parties and going out to the bars? I am not going to test this theory out. God Bless

Sobriety and Covid and Living Normal

I have had this blog for ober 8 years and made nothing off of this blog. I write to talk about daily things and living without alcohol and I...