Sobriety and Confusion about Life

Lately , if you have read my post on this blog, you have noticed I have been confused about what to do with my life. I have been sober for almost eight years and going through a battle over what to do with my lifestyle and work. I am a very isolated person, and just like my drinking days , I was isolated back then as well. I never really ventured out to the bar scene in my drinking years. I was always drinking at homw trying to make money and friends over the Internet with Photography I had taken during the day , to making music , and I have a large selection of music I have produced on Soundlcoud.com I am very talented in music and other hobbies of interest. I was always trying to cash in on my hobbies and some times i did with my art work and sometime I did not.
I was heading to Austin this weekend for a possible new start but I can't swing the financial situation I am in right now to move to another city.

Confusion while sober is one of the problems I continue to have. I want this and that and my direction is scattered at times in which way to go. My head is on straight but my soul desires other things. I am not in a relationship nor have I been in over 20 years. This may be a problem, I need a woman around me to keep me comfortable and to have company. Maybe I am running from myself agian by choosing to leave where I have a house and no job right now. The job will come sooner or later. I have been working at puttting out Resumes and had a few interviews m, so surekly God will provide me with what I need. God has always been there for me, even in the rough of times and I am in those times now.

I guess praying for the confusion to stop and help me settle down and be proud of what I have . Being sober isnot all that is required to staying productive and living life. It is a good start and things can only get better not worse. I have to remeber that I have been through some hell back in my drinking days and I am having to pay for the lack of education and work experience because of what I have done in my drinking days. I have learned a lot from people in my last eight years of sbriety and one important item is just staying sober and relying upon God to help me out with my living conditions. I live very well and I am not looking at going homeless or anything drastic like that and years back I had been homeless and I very well know how hard it is to get a job from being homeless. I am blessed that God has held on to me and made me powerful to understand that it is not me that is causing the non-working consition I am in. It is the times in the county I live in . Oil prices are very low and it is hurting the economy in Midlnad , Texas and therfore the work is just not there.

Life can only get better if I leave it up to God to help me find my direction. Confusion and sobriety can go hand in hand but it does not have to. I think for today I will focus on my music and play for God and on Monday , the new day will be better than the the last day. Chris

Sober and Heading To Austin, Texas

I have decided to head for Austin, Texas to Interview for a job that pays well and has great benifits. Only God knows how this will turn out.The move from Midland to Austin will be costly but God will find a way if this is meant to happen. I have one job in limbo in Midland, they have not gotten back with me , and I need to puch forward as I cannot wait for thier HR department in California to decide if I am hired or not. I have to get the ball rolling. I can't just sit here and pray the phone will ring or an email will come in. Some companies take forever and this is and injustice to people that are needind a paycheck.
Austin is not new to me , as I lived there during my drinking years, however I have no family down in Austin and this will be confusing if I decide to move to Austin. Im 52 and a little nervous about another move. I used to move constantly when I drank, I dont know how I did it. Now with more resposibility a new move is harded for me. The cost of the move the mentality of living away from my parents, but the number one thing is I need a good paying job and I guess most people who are single like myself , do move when they can to acceopt a new job in a new city. The boss or owner of this Austin job seems like a nice fellow, but I also want to make sure its the right career choice. Maybe a choice is not what I have , I just have to go for it. I am praying for the right answers...Chris

Social Sobriety Donations

I never thought I would get so low on my finances that I would ask for donations for this blog. The point is I have been unemployed for a while now , and if you find this material to be of substantial value to you, could you please make a donation to PayPal.com The email address associated with my account is chyervalue63@gmail.com. Anything would be appreciated and I will personally send a letter to each and every one of you who make a donation towards this blog and my life stance at it is. I have hit a bottom with income and the jobs I have lined up have not responded as of yet, so therefore my bank account is so low that I cannot grocery shop at this time. I am reaching out and praying to God that the people that visit this site will make a donation towards me and in the name of God as a good gesture of your fortune versus the predicament I am facing at this time.

I never thought it would get this bad for myself and my family. I have only this blog to reach out to other people for help that I do not know , but you know me, as I have been writing since 2011 I believe.
I will somehow pay you back in a way that may be a prayer for you or your money back in future time.This is a reach for hope that I have helped someone stay off drugs or alcohol with this blog and if I have please pay it forward to a person who is in need.I know nothing about oil and gas business and they are not even hiring right now, so I beg of you to give what you can so I may continue to bring you the words on this blog.
I am very aware that the entire country needs money in order to survive and I am just one person who is sober and living by the 12 steps of recovery asking for help. Maybe I am wrong in asking but too much time has passed and the good lord has asked me to reach out to my readers for help.

If you have extra to send to me by PayPal please send a note with the donation and I will return a Thank You letter with hope that you also will be blessed in a way that you might not find yourself as I am right now. God is working through me to work with you. Thank You and Life Is Good. Chris

Sober Thursday 02/18/2016

I have bitched and complained for about a week now, and it is over. I have done what I could about getting my job secured and have passed my test, so now I should be offered my job. That is how it oges right? Well these days it is hard to concieve that a future employee should have to spill out so much personal information to get a low paying job. This is the American way now. You have to prove you have no criminal background , pass drug test, prove that your a USA citizen, prove that you are mentally stable. Does this sounf more communistic than anything?

Well after a few days of putting my whole life out there in cyber space for a job, I am now awaiting an answer to if and when I start. I will post of course when I get this phone call, in which I expect ina  day or so. I have spent about 100.00 of my own money in getting a low paying job. The expense were for Dr. leters and gas to and from each place I had to visit, and the time it toook for a physuical and one more Dr letter tsaying I am fit. Ridiculous is what I say. But these are the tims in America. The home of the free, once they know for sure you are a USA citizen. I am white and have Indian in my blood, and I am sober from illlegal drugs and alcohol that should be enough. However, the insurance companies and goverment want to make sure you are really allowed to work here.

I heard on the news about several thousand immigrant workers in the USA are getting refunds this year? How? I know they have families and they are illegal to work here so how do they get SOcial Security numbers to file taxes. There is something wrong with our system of course we all know this.

Well, staying sober through the last few months has not been hard but I have been bored. I have learned to keep a blog up so I can look back when Im 60 or so and say Hey I made it through this and that. That is what this blog is. It is an autobiography of my life and being sober through the easy and tough times. I am not going through as tough a time as most might be. If you decide to get sober just remeber that your problems will still be out there , it is how you handle yourslef during these problems is what will make you or break you. Keep the faith and GOd will come through , just not on your time..

Got a Job - But!!!

Well I have passed a pre-employment background for a company in Midland Texas. However , now after taking a drug test that should be illegal to have to take. Meaning they were unsantiary where I went to and they found out that I possibly might have Diabetes. I have been checked and I am borderline Diabetic , but the dr. that did my physical wanted further information on my glucose level from my own Dr. So this puts me in a time situation with this company and also I thought it was really no ones business about being a Bi -Polar or Diabetic. However it seems like all information is to be released to this company I willl be working for. The Americans With Disability site says it is no ones business, but my own. So where do you draw the line at. You cannot tell a Dr. they are wrong, you could take them to court but I dont have the money , and it would be tied up in litigation for years.
We have no privacy , I have a clean background but now my health is being questioned. If iits not one thing it is another. I be damn I beeen sober almost 8 years and the companies you work for these days think they need all this information on your life, that is really none of thier business. It seems like the American with Disablitlies article is non-existent for some of us. I eveen had to fill out with my application if I thought I was Mentally stabel and not Bi-Polar or had some other impairment. None of us are perfect and this job is far from perfect. It is a low balling job but it pays well, with not good reviews. I guess I will have to play the game, but I am watering down my urine just like faking a drug test so I have no Glucose in my system if it is checked again. I need the work. I know my Dr will probably do a Glucose check and I am watching my foods and drinking a ton of water. I know how to fake a drug test and this is no different. I just got a call from this comapny wanting to know what is taking so long. Shit , this life we live in is a whirlwind..Chris

Sobriety and Boredom

When I first set out to do this blog. I did it for myself to see how I either grew with AA and being sober or whatever. It was not really set up to sell things to people that come to my blog and I really was not trying to make any money off of this. I have not made money on this site anyway, even though I get like 300 hits a month, so someone is curious about me. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it is friends out there, or maybe I am helping someone that I dont know. But let me be honest with you on this blog post.
I get bored and that is why I write so much on this blog at times. I get inspired to write so I don't get boredom form being sober. Yep, I have the poor me syndrome today and for the last few months. I can't seeem to find a job in Midland, Texas and I am stuck at home most of the time, or going to AA meetings. I do not suggest that I am doing whats right. Maybe I am missing something out there. I use to drink alone and now would be the right time to start drinking cause I have nothing in my life to gain. I am really down right now, but the econopmy is down where I live also.What I am saying is I go online to look for work to send resumes out and nothing happens 70 percent of the time. It gets me down. I want to be productive, so I guess that means flipping burgers at Mcdonalds casue they are about the only p[eople in this ton that is hiring.
I dont know what to do, but drinking is not an answer..I do know that much, but the boredom I am experincing is overwhelming to me at this point in my life. I have a little money left in my savings and I can borrow , but for how long do I have to wait Lord? This is truly a shame that I am healthy and ready to do something. I made a few mistakes and did not take a couple of jobs, cause I did not want to do them. Now I regret this and paying the price. My own fault, but in reality I have never been this long out of work. It bothers the hell out of me, and my self esteem is shot..I wake up early in the morning to nothing. I am alive but for what?Damn life is just not easy.Thats all I have to say today..Chris

Being Positive when Feeling Negative in Sobriety

Sometimes it is hard to be positive with so much negativity in this world. When you get sober, and start to see the light. The world can be a positive one or it can look awfully negative. That is where the steps really come into play , is how to accept the good with the bad. You might of lost your spouse since you sobered up and are going through court. It is a difficult time for most people getting sober. You sometimes have to find a new job and this ads stress to your already existing problem of staying sober. Do not get overwhelmed, and take  it slow and one step at a time. If you let all these things hit your head at once, problems could began to unfold. Talk to your sponsor to see how you can weed this and that out. Staying sober is still number one, if you can stay sober these other obstacles will come into place sooner or later with Gods help.

Take positive steps in solving these mysteries you could not solve when you were drinking. It is very important to let the courts know that you have sobered up and intend on staying this way. Tell the courts you go to AA and please go to AA, just in case they check up on you. In  my AA group there is always a bunch that have to have court ordered papers to hand in to thier probation officer, keep these up and be honest about these. These papers are a test from the court to see if you can stay sober through a program for alcoholics. Even if you cannot relate to an alcoholic and have papers from the court I suggest you keep these up to date as they are checked.

Keep a smile on your face cause you are sober today, and any problem that comes before you can be solved through God and this program. You just have to believe this. Myself I get caught up into negative thinking all the time, so even seasoned alcoholics that are sober must remember where they came from in order to keep a positive outlook on the day.Life is not easy , even sober. However it is tolerable and things can be chaged to make your life positivve if you want them this way. You are the only one besides God that knows how to change your situation. Pray about this and the answer will come.Chris