Sober and Making Mistakes

Just because I am sober does not mean I don't make big mistakes. I make mistakes every day and I pray that I stop but I am so bullheaded that I continue on making stupid mistakes. I sin, and therefore in God's book, I am normal to that extent. However I grow each day that I am sober, I step back two steps and forward one step. It would seem I lack self-discipline or dislike it. I am not sure what will come to me the next day, I change jobs like I change underwear because I don't like this or that and this has put me in a bind. I just cannot get comfortable with myself, maybe you experience these issues. I disappoint people still and I disappoint myself. How do I stay sober? I pray a lot and go to AA and I do not want to feel the alcoholic bad ever again, that is why I don't drink. Beside that I am honest to an extent, I cannot lie and get away with it.

Making mistakes that hurt people are not what I intend to do but at times this is what happens. It makes me sad to hurt a person especially a family member, but I get defensive at times and bow up over things I could have done differently. We all make mistakes if human, and some more often then others. I recognize this and that is why I am writing about mistakes and being sober. God knows when I was drinking I made huge mistakes and I paid for them dearly.

I probably need to hit more meetings and work my program, because I am coasting on the sober hiway right now, which does not feel

 right. Have a good day. Chris

Give Thanks To for Sobriety and just for Livng

The living is a given item that God has control over us all. You may not believe in God but you might think about this twice. Every day in every way God is in my life showing me the right thing to do and the wrong . I learn like you must be learning from reading this blog that I place a lot of spiritual influence into my life to keep going through one day to the next. I take chances that could land me in trouble, I lie at times which I hope I am forgiven by God. You do not have to go to church to know God, and it might be best if you do. I am not pushing you to church but just imagine if you pray to God and your dreams come true, they will. It will not happen when you want this to happen, the signs of a spirit are shown to us every day in all different ways. To stay sober you will need a higher power such as God. I don't believe there is any other higher power except for evil or the Devil. Do you believe the devil exists? I do and yes he has crept into my life on occasion but God usually takes care of the evil thoughts and sets me straight so I do the right thing, and believe in the right spirit. Think about it. What if God could fix all your problems? I have an answer, he can if you let him. So if you are drinking,

say a prayer to God to help you stop. Meditate on this in your own way not how someone may tell you. It is best to meet Godhead on then rely on other humans. The drinking will go away but you have to take action with prayer. Have a good Valentine Day and love one another. Chris

The Superbowl Sober

Well in our country the number one show last night was the Superbowl 53 which was quite a game. I remember past Superbowls for the last ten years but beyond that, I was always drunk. Yes, beer was to be had for sure at a Superbowl party, no excuses, however, that is not true. It took me a long time to realize that every occasion something special happens is not a drinking occasion. This was one of those nights, so what did I do? I don't watch football much at all anyway, but I did enjoy being safe at home and watching the colorful game by myself, without alcohol. That is how I live my life. I am sure there were a group of AA people watching the game but I really switch between channels when I watch football. Since being sober I spend a lot of my time alone anyway and this night was no different than any other night for Chris. I am not lonely, I just prefer to enjoy what I want to do and I enjoy being by myself for the most part. When I am in groups I talk and enjoy a group crowd for a little bit then I am ready for my time. There is a new book out on people like myself that just enjoys being alone and having to entertain me is not too hard. I have a recording studio with instruments and I can let my feelings come out in my music. It is very therapeutic and it calms me when stressed, it is my alcoholic memory that use to stifle my artistic creation of music. I listen to tracks I cut back when I was high or drunk and some are good and some are terrible. Being sober they are mostly good tunes that I create and share on a different program online and make money.

So you don't have to drink on these special occasions like a football game or Christmas or when it is Monday, lol. Once you can get a grip on the fact that alcohol does you no good, will you understand what I am talking about? Life has it's up and downs and right now I am neutral in how I feel. I was hit in the rear of my new vehicle last week and usually, that would have pissed me off, but now I am just waiting for the damage to be fixed and that's all I can do. Sure I could sue this fellow for a few things but that is not what this life is about, to get back at someone that made a mistake. God knows I make several mistakes every day. Have a good one,
Chris

Today Is A New Day and There May not Be a Next Day

We have all heard the saying, "live today as it was your last day". This is true in life as we really don't know what will happen tomorrow, or if we will live that long. I was hit in my car by a big pickup and shattered my life for just a few seconds, what happens when you are in shock of what just happened. The one thing about accidents is when they shock you, a thought in the back of my head is ok, am I alright? Am I dead? then all of a sudden you wake up, this takes only a few milliseconds after an accident. Then you realize that you are alive and now what is my next action to be. Reality comes into play and you think of what could have happened. Like when you use to drink too much, at times you might have done this with intentions of not waking up the next morning. Then when you inflict this type of drug or pain on your body you wake up hurting and feeling worse than ever. I am pretty sure we have all tried to make ourselves miserable but not on purpose usually. If I could only drink a case of beer and wake up feeling good and up early in the morning not thinking of how bad my head hurts and that nasty taste in my mouth from beer in the morning.

Life is unusual, we all test our limits or at least I have in most everything I do.I am sober almost 10 years and I have no desire to take one drink. I think that is a miracle from God as it was difficult to quit and also I stopped smoking cigs. So that is two habits that I stopped at a treatment center because I wanted to, and I pray about it daily and still read and go to AA meetings. I don't rely on anything but myself for not drinking. I do believe that AA is very important to go to, however, it can become old and addictive in itself. However, it is good for your soul when your tired and lonely, go to an AA meeting and get something good out of it. Usually, you will.

Living one day at a time is still difficult for me as I look toward the future. I do not think it is bad, to actually predict what I might do the next day if God lets me live for this day. We have to make plans but yes they do get altered, and sometimes a surprise will come about in a good way that we did not expect. So try to stay sober one day at a tie, go to AA when you need it, and pray to God for letting you live in the moment. Chris

One Way to Start You Day Sober

The alarm bell goes off.

You slowly open your eyes.

A new day lies before you.

A day of unexplored potential and opportunities. Not only out there in the world, but inside of yourself too.

So how can you get your day and more importantly yourself off to great and self-esteem boosting start today?

Well, one good way to get off to a good start is to have a note, a reminder on your bedside table that will be one of the first things you see after you have woken up.

A simple suggestion for what to write down on your note to boost your own self-esteem consistently each morning is...

Set a low bar for self-appreciation.

Write down: "Today I will set a low bar for self-appreciation". Read it and try to keep it in mind during the day.

Do not only appreciate yourself today when you do something perfectly or when you do something really important.

Instead, appreciate the little things too.

How you did the dishes today. How you replied to a whole bunch of emails.

How you are kind and helpful to your kids, partner or friends.

Make a decision to be kind to yourself today. To appreciate the good things that you do but you and others may take for granted.

Be your own best friend and keep lifting yourself, your mood and self-esteem upwards step by small step today.

Get some kindness over breakfast.

Instead of watching the news or reading the usual papers and magazines and getting a negative, subtly self-destructive and perhaps depressing start to your day do something that will inspire you and make you feel good about yourself.

Read one or a couple of new posts or newsletters from uplifting and self-esteem boosting blogs or websites.

Read a chapter from a book that makes you feel good about yourself.

Or have a kind, appreciative and warm conversation with the people closest to you around your kitchen table.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

CBD and Addiction

CBD which is from Hemp plants is being used on virtually everything we like. You can use it as a cream, smoke it, take it in liquid form, etc. Is it good for you? I would have to say that I tried it and might still be interested in this product for addiction. I have found I do not crave andy drug or alcohol with CBD. That does not mean anything except that I think there might be some popular ideas for this CBD in recovery for addicts. Who knows how far pharmacology and CBD will proceed. If you read the Internet on the benefits of CBD, you might think it is a miracle drug. Yet, when Prozac came out it was thought to be the intelligent pill to get from Dr.s and this turned out negative. There are not any real recent findings from The Mayo clinic or other recognized studies except a few you will find on Epilepsy cure for children that CBD seems to appear to help. Thousands of stories from people trying Hemp and CBD has made a few of us confused. They are making coffee with Hemp and cola is coming out with CBD soon. The 2014 Farm Bill was signed by Mr. Trump last week and that has made it legal to grow in the USA, and there are no miracle drug claims by the government.

My take is am I breaking my sobriety by using Hemp myself? I would say no because I do not get high from this product. What does it do for me? It is like the calm after a storm type of feeling. Not overly good feeling like Marijuana or alcohol., yet a relaxing break in your life while on CBD. How long does it last? It depends on how you take it. Smoking Hemp will make the CBD instantly come into your bloodstream and you feel a peaceful calm and that is about it. Some call this a body high, whatever the fuck that means. I never felt high, but relaxed and ready to just sit back and take it easy, without being high or any mind-altering way.

Can CBD help with addiction? Possibly those answers are in the internet and of course, people are going to say yes it is good and part will say it adds problems. I take chances but not with my sobriety, therefore
 beware of what you read from me.lol.....Chris

Find Your Inner Demon and Stop Addiction

All of us have a demon type disease that wants pleasure from activities that are or could be harmful to your health. Maybe you have no addictions, if not you would not understand where I am coming from. However, built-in addicted persons are this evil pleasure maker for addicts. We get off on feeding this evil being by drinking too much or any type of drug addiction. This applies to all addictions including gambling, that we want to feel different than we do right this second. Some of us are willing to hand this over to God and AA to get rid of the affection in alcohol. This also means you will probably have another addiction to take the pleasure point in your body to new highs. We, addicts, choose to smoke, drink to much coke, or ice cream and cake, and a good portion of us are overweight in eating to control our nerves. Try to discover those things that you might be doing that are probably not good for you and that you may be obsessed with what might be killing yourself such as snuff and cigarettes for example. We alcoholics can get addicted to most everything pleasurable in our lives. It can make for a big mess in your sober life. Trading addictions have bothered me from day one, and I still work on them. I am not trying to be perfect just sane and a member of the community, sober. Just a Thought. Chris