Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Depression and Sobriety: Do they conflict?

I write this blog to keep track of certain stages in my life as I live sober day to day and try to keep my head high. There are times like now, where I am questioning my outlook into the future. I have started a new franchise and it is not going very well. I have ben working PT as a Uber driver and this is fine, but not many rides lately. Therefor the money I was making has dwindled down to the point I have to borrow. I am looking for a full time job right now, not as hard as I should casue I don't know exactly what I can do.

When I was drinking almost eight years ago, wow..I had problems with getting work cause I had so many jobs I bounced to and from. They were usually white collar jobs and I learned quite a bit about interviewing and quitting. The experience from the past is now different in my present state. I lost my good paying job and I dwindled into Ebay and made a smal fortune but that was lived fast. Then I got this idea of a franchise I bought into and this is stale right now. I need advertising, and blogging has helped bring more business , however not enough to sustain a living from this new position.

I am very creative , with art, music and photography, I know how to dress the part in the role in which I decide to put myself in. I have so many talents that possibly if I focused on one of them I could make a living at one of these hobbies. I am 52 and the age thing bothers me today. I don't really look this old but it is getting harder to do a few things I use to could accomplish in my youth. I am lonely and have not even had a date in over ten years. I feel like I need a vacation from life , I seem to always be chasing jobs and money. Maybe this is the real world, but it has gotten to the point I get depressed when I am at a roadblock.

Alcohol and drugs are not the answer nor have they even entered my mind, but a solution to my problems right now have been positive cause I have stayed sober this long. I have the help when I need it now, and I don't lie about how my life is really going. I face life in a truthful manner and discuss this with my family. They seem to respect the fact that I have taken action and have not let myself get down and keep pushing forward, where back in the day I just gave up. So Sobriety and depression can go hand in hand. However there is a light at the end of my tunnel. Just not sure which way God is jerking me toward . Is it left or right? Is Chris suppose to be going on this little hayride and into the unknown again sober.

God is in my prayers for everything and everyone , and I include myself. Living life on life's term is not very easy to me at this point in my life, however, I am doing this. Fell glum and try to perk up but it is difficult as the days fly by. I am always busy looking for signs on the Internet or marketing my company. So I just dont give in and up. 10.28.2015

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