Thankful Day Or Is It?

Thanksgiving is today, and I started a new job this last week, so I am off today and get double pay on Friday, so that is cool. What is not cool is my Thanksgiving meal I had with my father who insists od continued drinking and driving on a good cop catching day, a holiday. I am so thankful I am not drinking and not having to worry about being pulled over for smoking pot or drinking. God has blessed me with a good family but they are spread out all over the country, so rarely we get together, if at all anymore since the kids in the family are in their 50s and all but with both parents alive and very strong headed about what they are not going to do as far as holidays are concerned. It is a bummer in a way, as we used to have a large group of family years back going to eat and dressing up for lunch. Times really change when you get older and you are divorced as I am. I have a son who is 23 and I rarely get to see him as he lives with my ex-wife and her new family.

The good thing is to accept these changes and move on to the next day gracefully. Thining of others than yourself is hard at times, but it does get you out of self. This day I will not be sad as I spend it alone as I have been for so many years. This is my fault because I could be doing some service work such as feeding the homeless or something like this, however, I do enjoy being with my puppy and watching TV as well, and not worrying about anything. This is what I hear is called relaxing and I hear it is ok to do this. I am always on the go and something on my mind. God bless you all on the fabulous family day. Chris

Sobriety and Thanksgiving

Well, once again it is that time of the year where most families get together and celebrate a holiday known as Thanksgiving. The traffic sucks and most of the people coming to visit you, well you may not be in the mood to see them. However, this is a time for forgiving others and eating food that most women spend lots of time cooking. Personally, I do not care much for the holidays, in back eight years ago it was just another excuse to get drunk and high and my family either did not know I was or never said anything. As I am 54 now my family has gotten smaller so there is no big feast there is just my mother and father who are both this year widowed. So therein lies the problem with who do I eat with on this day. I love them both but there is only one of me. At least they both want me to spend time with them. I think I have worked it out one I will meet in the afternoon the other in the evening. They both live in separate cities, so lots of driving for me. Well, they have supported my sobriety and they both love me so to show my love back this is all I can do.

Staying sober is not a problem for me, its just living life is. That is where AA and the Big Book come hand in hand in sobriety, to help you with your living situation. It is like the laymens Bible for living with an addiction and it does contain good sayings about how to conduct yourself and let God take over and run your life. It is not an easy task but I do know how to let go and let God into my life. I hope you are able to do this-this Thanksgiving Day as we may not like it or despise this but it is a part of our daily living. So be it

Dating and Sobriety and just Today

I thought I would write a little bit about dating while working sobriety. In my case I have not been so lucky, I search for a woman on the Internet to date but have not really had any luck. There have been a few times I have gone out with an Internet date and most were not what I had expected. In fact, since I don't go to bars and I don't really have a nightlife, my dating pretty much does not exist.
I have thought about going to church, but that is about it, thought about it. I don't enjoy church, but I do like to dress up so maybe I can change that. My AA program right now is I am sober and don't go to very many meetings. I have been too darn tired from work. I get home lay down on the couch and then take care of errands and I really don't know if I have time for dating or even if I am ready to commit to anybody but myself right now and my family. I have not written lately and know I should write more, but life has been a big rush every day. No time for anything, and sometimes that is ok. God is watching over me, and I am sober today. So that is what counts today. Chris

Sex and Sobriety

Well, sex is the object of my blog today. Sex is non-existent in my life so far in the past few years of sobriety. Why? I guess part of it is I don't go to bars on Friday and Saturday nights looking for sex. I never did even when I drank. I might be old-fashioned in the way I think about casual sex also. I seem to need to love someone before I have sex. The act of sex can be an addiction they say, but my sex drive is nill. I just try to get through the day at some times sober, as that is a feat in itself. However, I think I want love not really the sex part. Of course, with love comes sex, and I guess that is what I am holding out for. I find that I am guilty of liking those women that are outwardly pretty but in most cases, they are rude as hell if they are as sexy as I think they are. Being sober really makes you look and think hard about the sex question. Iknow a lot of people in AA go to meet and find a casual sex partner in group meetings but I don't think that is a good idea for me as I have tried this and she was still very mentally sick. Oh well, when the time comes for me to meet the one God will point her out and I will go from there. Have a good day. Chris

Sober and Working

I have not updated my blog in a while, and it is because I have been working so much. It's like going to an AA meeting when you work 13 hr. Days, it is hard to get motivated to go. I still try to make the Saturday meetings in Midland, Texas. However, I am very busy on the weekends also. I know that AA has helped me stay sober, but in reality, it is my spiritual strength with God that keeps me sober as well. I have to watch out, because of what they say in AA, like when things get good and you back away from meetings is when you are looking for trouble. I wonder sometimes if what I hear in AA is a type of brainwashing because I have not had the urge to drink since I am so busy. I don't know but I have been sober for almost 9 years. I will write more on this weekend, got to head out. Chris

Living For Today Sober

Sometimes I get my head all confused about what I am going to be doing a few days or months ahead of myself, and I get real nervous. This is not good for your health but living for the day you are in is a good way for living. You can take daily living for what it is. You wake up , start your day with questions or prayers and then if you work you go and do the work that is assigned to you. Sounds pretty cut and dry, but what about other people that are in your life at work and at home. You have to deal with traffic and your car, also Dr. appointments and other things that go along with plain old living. Then you have the occasional surprises the good and the bad, and you learn how to deal with these once they come up.

Living day to day is not easy, for anyone, if you think about it. However if you do just a little bit of pre planning it can be a fun and enthusiastic day for you. My days vary with work as a technician and I run into many mechanical problems that I have to guess the right answer, and hopefully the product will function, it is stressful as I make it . I try to make a game of it and I have kept this job for over 2 months with no problems from my boss or others. So I must be doing something right? I work by myself with the aid of a computer in hand to tell me what to do for the day. The computer is my boss and it keeps track of me and my times, I have done well with this job and that bothers me at times. I have stayed sober for almost 9 years now, and that has been easy but the drink thinking does come to my mind at times when things go wrong. I go to AA however , this does not keep me sober. What keeps me sober is remembering my last drunk and how bad I felt. That was very bad and I was very sick. I never want to be that way again in my living life. So day to day living can be hell sometimes, but the alternative is not an answer to my living a full day of ups and downs. God Bless Chris

Darkness for the Alcoholic and Drug User

I have been very busy at work and loving my job. I am making good money, probably the best I have ever made. No problems with my boss or anything, able to afford to buy a new car. I have everything, sobriety, a new car , a life. What happened. I was tempted last night to start smoking pot .

So why would I start smoking pot when all is going good? I did not think about the negative or darkness that I might be putting myself into again, its has been almost 9 years now with no drinking or drugs, then on a Saturday night, I get the urge to smoke pot. I found a person on CL and i went to meet him with 140.00 in cash to buy some Hydro Pot. I meet with this guy I don't know and he jumps in my new car and I give him the money and he dispersal
..lol He fucking ran off with my cash. Was I mad , no. That was weird, this guy just took my cash and hauled ass. I actually thought that I was buying from a guy that needed to get rid of what he had and went to his car to get my drug. I waited only 20 minutes and texted him and never heard back. I told him I guess you borrowed my money, No answer..I am glad he stole from me last night, I am not mad at what he did or mad at myself, I am just glad he needed this cash more than I needed the pot. God was watching out for me and the darkness.

Sounds stupid I know but I awoke feeling like I got high last night, but it was guilt that I actually was going to go through the hell I put myself through 9 years ago, not even thinking about ifI got caught by the police. I would of lost my job, my family would of been crushed, and the darkness would become real.

The lesson for me here, is I want the light that I live right now, AA will not keep you sober but it might help. Only I can keep Chris sober, and my relationship to God. I was blessed that I got spanked for trying to buy pot last night by having a piece of me , my money taken from me. The story of when things get going good you better watch out, is so very true. That is what happened, my life is going good and i wanted to taste the bud again in my mouth and nose. I love the smell of pot , always will, but it casued me problems and I don't need the problems. The kid did me a favor by taking my money and not returning. I feel stupid of course, but I have enough money that it did not hurt me that bad, which is good so in the long run, I did not go to jail , for having drugs and i did not screw up my sobriety. I have to be careful. I need to find a NA group maybe today. Oh well thought I would mention this for my blog. Have a God Filled sober day! Chris