Monday, January 23, 2017

God, Living, Death, and Sobriety

Recently my father lost his wife to a disease and even though we all knew her time had come, reality sets in after a while. My father has not changed, in fact he may be even more bitter about things in life. He is too hard to read. He is alcoholic and it is hard for me to understand when he is down because he is not drinking or if he is always negative like when I grew up. Anyway , the death has not really affected me, as I loved this lady but she was in great pain. I would rather die than live in pain. However I have mental pain and I sure have been praying for God to take my life over and make it tolerable. I refuse to drink over my insecurities, and I refuse to do anything stupid. I think this giving it to God stuff actually works, or it has with me.

I am a loner in the seance that I go to AA meetings to live life, then I try to stay occupied by my Uber driving while I wait and see about future opportunities come. I have hit the computer hard with Resumes and I am getting feedback, but it has been almost 5 months without a steady job. This bothers me and I even have stooped down to convenience stores cause they are always hiring, well no the case with me. It seems the easier the job , the harder it is for me to get hired, yet a computer position or IT position is quite virtually easier for me to get into. Maybe because of my background, I just don't know. I have had a few bites on a couple of jobs I am waiting to hear back from and have gotten off the couch to drive as this keeps my mind occupied and I make a little money .

I have to have help with my bills from my family and I know they are tired of this. I feel like all I am is a job seeking fool. I am not being picky now, as the time has been rolling on. However if I look back seven years ago , I would of just drank my problems away and that is the only difference with me at this point in my life is that I have stayed sober. I hold onto every penny I have and do not waste money . Sobriety is the key with God on my side, and I do believe he is on my side or I could not keep my head high, as the night falls I get restless and anxious about bedtime and the worying I do before I sleep. I try to giv that to God also and it works if I think about it. God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself, He is telling me I am worth a damn in this world, even though I get depressed at times and try to watch comedies at night that are easy to swallow and maybe make me laugh. Laughing is hard, and my relationship with my family is all about work and money. I just pray that soon all will be ok, and the job crisis will end and the borrowing of money will stop , so I can live life as I expect it to be lived. Have a good day for we not know what the next will bring, and this is so true. Chris Hyer

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Living By God's Will Not Mine Sober

I have had a rough time lately, and the problem is I have not been living by God's will for me. I have taken control and forgot that I have to give things up to God in order to live a sober and meaningful life. So what do I mean by this? Well for me I am starting a new job on Monday and I have had nothing to do. I was quite isolated the last few days and was sick of going to AA every time I turned around. I was bored out of my skull. I was not thinking of drinking but all the options I may have as this job pays poorly but it trains me from the start, then the money rises. I should be grateful and I am but I don't pay attention to what God has given me in preparation to start this or any job. I have a roof over my head, I have money, I have food, I have a car. I was looking in my past and could not understnad what the meaning of life really is. I went to my home group this morning and discussed this and what I found is I have not been working the steps the best that I could have. It was all about me, self centered and all about myself. That is not a good sober living strategy, as you wil become more reliant of your pass and wish to change it,but that is not possible. I was looking back at the times when I could of gotten a better education or had a good job only to drink it away.

You have to live in the now. You can't look back and be thankful to God for helping me be sober today, and not look back in disgust over your life. I have a bad problem in doing this , looking back. I am 53 and honestly I did not expect to live this long when I was drinking but I have since I sobered up seven years ago. I was in my head going to die before I was forty so my future did not matter towards the end. However God makes the choices when you shall live or die, instead he saw a need to keep me around and I should not second guess why? As I lay on the couch watching movie after movie, I was restless and bored and not thinking about maybe this is what God is showing me how to just relax , because I have already gotten myself ready as far as food and clothing were needed for this new job. I ran out of things to do, and my old response to this was to go gambling in Hobbs. I need the cash I have now so the option really turned me off. Hell, Gambling is suppose to be fun but I do not have disposable money to do this right now and I am damn tired of the drive to Hobbs and back to Midland. So today after my meeting I was reading a educational bible that I got at treatment and kept reeding on it. I found all these cool things God has done such as healing the sick and , in a way I was sick. Then a miracle of sorts said to myself, get up and get doing some of the things that would make God happy and I have been doing these. Well time flies and I am at a stopping point.

It is very easy to let up on the program and on God even though I pray most all day for help. I lost that help prayer and was running my own show, but when I asked God for help, things started popping up that needed to be done. How cool is that. ANyway don't give up like I have on God and keep very close to him that heals us all from bad things when we are trying to do right. Have a good day and God Bless..Chris Hyer

Monday, January 9, 2017

Love in the New Year Sober

It has been some time since I have written in this blog. I have had ups and downs every single day. I had a up on December 30th a girl called me and express an interest. I have know her for a while but I always said the wrong things I guess and we never met. She is in the AA program and we went out for the last week, almost everyday. I really enjoy this woman and she seemed to enjoy me. I guess you could say I feel in love very quickly and when she did not feel the same it drove me fucking crazy. When a person text another person and then leaves them hanging you know you said something wrong. I got that twice and I don't understand all the crap she has gone through but it must of be devastating to her. She is 6 years sober and I am 7 years sober. We were going to AA meetings together and out to eat and even a kiss now and then. Love , is something I have not experienced in years with the opposite sex, and so my heart was broken when she had other plans the last few days.

I told her how I felt and she did not answer back on text. SO I waited then waited, and nothing. I have never felt like bursting into a rage or tears. I did not know what I did or said to piss her off. However , I realize we all have our own things to do in this life. When someone new comes in the door, you either make room for them or you don't. I guess I thought she felt the same and she might , She just has a hard time with men because she has ben shit on so many times. I don't do that to women, I never have except when I was drinking so I discovered I have new emotions that I have not felt since marriage. Strange as it is I love this girl , and no I have not had sex with her, she just fits perfectly with what I have been looking for. I am going to have to give her space and that drives me crazy. Anyway, I am gaining new experiences daily and some are good and some are just mind blowing.Chris Hyer

Saturday, December 31, 2016

The new Year 2017 Sober Living and Other Such Things

2016 was just another year for life to move forward. I had my ups and downs in 2016. I cannot say it was my best year nor can I say it was my worse year. I can say this much for 2016, that my family was very supportive of my sobriety more each year as I keep growing in sobriety. That is a great thing for Chris this last year. I have also grown up as a preson and made many mistakes and many mistakes were learned so I don't do them again. Sobriety is a growing lifestyle and the more involved one gets with the AA program and the people that are in AA the more you will grow as a person. I am living proof of this. Sure I sometimes do not want to go to meetings and yes I don't go some days, but it is when I go and learn from each time that I go what I missed from not showing up for the missed meetings. My group is small so we all know most every ones story, but there is a book to be made about the living aspects of each one's lives. We are there in fact to live sober and deal with crisis and learn how to react . That is what AA should be about is the newcomer who knows not which way to go in this new life of sobriety. We are there to give guidance , and help them, if they don't want it we don't force it as they sometimes come back for good to the meetings.

There is no quick conclusion to staying sober, just not taking the drink is most important. If you can conquer that aspect of the program then you are ready to grow. Once you start living the spiritual life then your whole world will turn around, and many good things will happen to your life. I know because I was homeless a few times and when I went to AA and did not like feeling dirty I was not pushed away but greeted to stay on with the group, that was many years ago, but it could happen with just one drink. So 2017 is here and we are all growing up in our bodies and our minds and who knows what is around the corner for us to help for our own sake of sobriety. Thuis should be the year you help one person at least . If all the readers from this blog just helped one alcoholic that would be over 30000 alcoholics that were justified as being exposed to the sober non drinker. Many AA groups grow upon the Holidays. I have to admit it is a hard time for myself, but I made it one more year, and this is my ninth year of sobriety I am going on. Good Luck and may God be with you today. Chris Hyer 2017

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Christmas and The Sober Individual

Christmas 2016 is almost here on the calendar. I can feel the mood in the people on the streets and in the stores. People buying what will probably be a return, and people driving crazy all over town , trying to get where they want in as little time it takes. Yes, to me this is Christmas madness, but it happens every sober year I have been around. That would be eight years of sobriety, and suring these last eight years, Christmas has been dfferent for myself. I usually end up having lunch with my mother and her husband and then go home like another day.
They say in AA that we should not isolate ourselves, but I do tend to do this quite often. I don't know what to do at times of joy and Holidays, except for to be closer with my family. They are all spread out over the USA, and rarely do we ever get together , unless there is a funeral. Thank God, no funerals this year, nor have we had one in my family so I assuming that people will show up for funerals. Gone are the days of handing out Christmas presents to children, however good gestures in helping out mankind have taken place with me. I have had a few extra dollars and I have given them to those in AA whom are in a bad spot, why? because I was one of them at one point in my life. That , now is the true meaning of Christmas and giving a hand out is a secret affair, and to be honest it makes me feel no different. I know the person is grateful , and I don't kow where that money may go to, I just trust in God and my judgement that it will go to something useful for that individual.

I was raised in a normal house hold, where we all gathered for Christmas and open toys up from packages and my dad getting pissed cause a toy would have to be put together. I guess you could say that was fun. We waited for Santa Claus when we were little and now at age 53 we are Santa Claus helpers. However it is just another day to me, as all days are to myself. If I make too big of deal of everyday then I get nervous and agitated. I have learned how to sit and read a book when times are isolating and to be comfortable doing this activity. I always want to buy something but I don't act on it.

I have even thought about taking a vacation to Vegas this year, but I chicken out cause I dont want to go by myself, and spend alll my money.Being sober over Christmas is a slight difficulty but , it is not that I think about drinking, it is just the normal thing I use to do during the season with my old school mates and brother. However we use to get high a lot because we had so much time to spend , and now I don't go to bars so that time is isolating time or AA time. Well, Merry Christmas to all whom read this article, and keep sober during the holidays , if you can , and if you can't God bless You!! Chris Hyer

Sunday, December 4, 2016

December AA Party and More music

I like to think of myself as a musician, and I think I am pretty versatile, here is my website where I keep some good music and some not so good music  https://soundcloud.com/christopher-hyer Go there and rate the songs if you don't mind.

My 12 step AA group had a glorious meeting last night . It was our December Christmas party with food catered by Odessa, Texas Country Club. You can't get much better than that and for a group of about 12 souls who usually go to these AA meetings, we had a crowd of well over a 100 people come to the PDAP place where we held this Christmas Party. The speaker was fantastic from SanAngelo, Texas. His name was Jim , I believe, and his son had just passed away that morning from Heroin overdose , which was very sad. However, like this man said, we have no control over addiction and the people who are addicted. His son celebrated his one year birthday at an AA club in San Angelo, then went out and celebrated with some Heroin, and it was his last celebration. It goes to show we are just one drug or drink away from losing our life. This addiction stuff is deadly and it needs to be taken seriously. Hollywood glamorizes the smoking of Pot and other drugs such as drinking, but hardly focuses on the families that have to deal with the true addict. God bless this man who came to speak as he did not have to come with his loss of his son the same day, but in reality it was probably good therapy to some and speak at a meeting then be at home and mourn your child's death. Sucha tragedy to be had, I cannot even think of this being me in his situation. The meeting was upbeat, however, and it was possibly the best I have been to.

God bless you all out there in cyberland who read this blog, and like I said this is just a journal of mine I keep to look back someday to see how far I have come. Stay clean and enjoy this thing we call life or get help and start enjoying life without drugs and alcohol. It can be done.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Christmas is Almost Here How Do you feel about this?

Sobriety is a wonderful feeling in the morning , waking up to no headaches, and no remorse for what you may have done the night before. Well, Christmas is upon us in a few weeks, and I beg of you not to let that interfere with your sobriety. It can be easy to slip into old habits of drinking and smoking dope. The reason is that you might be going home to family and friends that do these things and they might expect you to do them with you. Run as fast as you can from this place. Find a hotel room and find a meeting if this is a strong connection to you starting back your old ways. I have had to do this once, and I am glad, and my family understood, and I still had the best Christmas ever.

I am like a little boy when Christmas comes around, there is a spiritual feeling I get in my stomach, and the only bummer is on Christmas day , I usually don't have a tree  and there are no presents, as I am 53 and my family lives in so many cities, that I end up with myself going for Christmas Lunch with my mother and her husband. We do exchange gifts but it is just not the same. Then after we eat , I go home to an empty house. SO my Christmas last for about an hour and maybe two hours. That is called growing older I guess. I still look forward to this day and dress up for lunch and try to make something out of this day. There is no reason to drink about it, because imagine what that would do? Fro me it would ruin my life. So take it easy and enjoy what relatives you may have and give thanks to God that you are alive one more year to celebrate Jesus Christ's Birthday!! That in itself should be enough for Christmas. Chris Hyer