Changes in your Sober Thinking and Perception

When I was drinking my thinking was not right. I thought it was on the dot with what I was doing at the time. In reality , no one who is drinking is thinking right. Alcohol seems to distort what we think and , in myself, I thought all was ok and that I was this guy that could take on everything impossible.
Now that I am eight years sober, I realize that my drinking of water and cokes that I am no super power. I am just myself, but I do have images of a perception that good things will continue to happen if I stay sober. I know for over eight years that I wake up on time and make it to work and do the things I am supposed to do in real life. I have dreams of course of doing something else always. However, they are bigger and better things in my life. If only I stay sober one more day it will get better. Pretty simple self-persuasion I believe. Every day is not great but every day is unusual, in many ways.

I have productive days and it is not just work , it could be as simple as going to the post office when I don't really want to or grocery store . I know I need to get things done and they get done. When I was drinking I would think of these things but put them off till the next day or the next week. Just like my bills , I pay them on time now and have been for over eight years. I use to wait till I got a late notice before I made a payment. I had fees and it just made me madder when in my drinking years. I made a lot of little foolish mistakes,. It's funny cause I watch a lot of movies at night and most of them have someone drinking or smoking pot and they end up in bed with someone that they should not be with or missing work , that is the reality to just plain drinking. Drinking alcohol is really childish but a necessity for an alcoholic. Who are you today? Christopher Hyer

Life is Complicated Drunk , When Sober Life Changes

Hello, and welcome to my personal journal. I was thinking this evening how complicated life is. However, it really does not have to be. I was watching a movie and it was disturbing , so I walked outside and watched my Labrador Retriever enjoy her back yard, and even myself.

When I was drinking I was always in the moment, and yes I remember seeing some pretty things that God gives us all, like the Ocean, beaches and fish where I use to live on N Padre Island, Texas. It was beautiful most of the time. I was high most of the time also. At night I was always high and beginning my drinking for the night. Therefor I did not do much after about 7 or 8 PM at night except for the photographs of surfing I use to take on a daily basis on the island. If there was no surf I would drive down the coast to take pictures of the birds, and Pelicans that were so spiritual to me and my friend Harry. I will discussm,"Harry" in another part of my journal. He was a big influence to me even during my drinking and pot smoking times over eight years ago. He is dead now , but I will never forget what he taught me about the bible and God. He was a gentle man and a really cool person that I could relate to and I deeply miss him, however like he said to me. You and I are partners in Christ, and I agreed and still agree . He is with me through the day and the night.

Back to why I wrote tonight , I was sitting there watching my puppy just run and hop like a bunny around the yard and sat there in my lawn chair and started looking at the trees and how green the leaves were, and my roses that I don't too good of care of, and they were blooming up a storm. God , I thought is speaking to me and showing me the beauty of life, in a new concept, that I am understanding. The relaxing warm air blew in my face and my puppy was running through the sprinkler system and playing with the water,. She was showing off to me how beautiful the backyard of my house really is and spiritually I was really enjoying the peace from all this. I have not been very stressed out lately , but I do get lonely, but that is my own choice.

Anyway it is good to be sober tonight and July 4th was just another day for me and my puppy. We Bbq a few hamburgers so it would feel like a holiday and I watched a lot of movies, which I do when I have nothing else to do. I also read about Anxieties and how to deal with them, as I am very much the Panic Disorder type of person. I am being treated for Panic and I am looking for other ways in which to cope with my panic. If you have this you know how it feels to not have some type of meditation or medication to go through life with ease. That is another story. So that is wbout it for this July 5th. I have to wake up early and start my work day off, and the good thing is I am not stressed . Pray my prayers and go to bed. Life is just a merry go round at times. I am learning how to love life. Christopher Hyer

Christopher from Social Sobriety

Hello, and welcome to my blog, I am Christopher and the picture is me and my baby girl, Abbey. We live together in Midland, Texas and love eash other very much. I have been sober going on nine years now. My sobriety date is May 21st 2008. I am very happy to be sober this Saturday morning and thought I would write in my journal a little about myself. There are a few of you that follow this blog and I thought if I put a picture to match the words you might like this.

I will be chairperson at AA this morning in Midland , Texas at the 12 step group. It is always nice to be called on to lead a group of recovering alcoholics. I get nervous in a good way. Sometimes I talk too much and I will try not to let this get in the way of the meeting, but life has so many good things to offer the recovering alcoholic. It is nice to wake up without a hangover and tremors. I feel as good as I can feel, and I even played about 20 minutes of hardcore Tennis last night in 100 degree weather. I am way out of shape , but I am going to work Tennis into my program, I am 53 years young and I could feel my muscles aching when I moved while playing last night. I played against the backboard on the Tennis court cause I have not found me any players to hit with yet.

I write this blog for my own benefit, and it is for me to look back to see how I have grown or what I could of done better. To be honest with myself , I never really look back at the stuff I have written since I have started this back in 2011, I believe. I am writing this for when I am old and in my 90s , cause I have a feeling I will live that long at least.

I highly recommend that id you are sober and have no one to love to get a Labrador Retriever as I have in this picture. They are loving animals and very human like. My puppy is now 2 years old and she is my life. We do a lot of things together and she gets me out of the house for walks. She walks me , you see. SHe is a female and is so loving and giving, and so much fun to talk to every single day. I wake up to her in the morning as she has her own room in the laundry room. She is always wagging her tail and eager to see me. She waits while I take a shower to make sure I am alright and then loves on me to tell me how happy she is. ANyway I am mumbling, just thought you might like to se a picture of us..Christopher

Single and Sober

I was traveling the other day and decided to place an ad on Match.com and see if I could find a nice young lady. I have used all the free sites and I keep running into girls that want money, or escorts, hookers, and you name it I have talked to them. I really am not looking for sex, I am looking for a friend to spend time with for a long while. Does she need to be an alcoholic, not really , I can accept about anyone, and if they drink so be it. If they drink too much then that is a closer. However I have not been on this site for more than a day I am glad to see there really is a few delightful women on this thing. Communication is one way , my way..lol..However, I am taking this last chance of finding that special girl online one more time and even spent money for this service. I must be serious, I am reading how to pick up a girl instead of just telling her she os pretty in a nice way. So I look on google and searched cute oneliners I could use and we will see if that helps. They are good and it has made me think about how to communicate with a women's intelligence.

I have been alone for about over 20 years and not really dated since I have been sober, the reason why is it is hard to find women when you don't go to the bar. I , even thought about making a night of it tonight to see if I could go to a bar and feel comfortable in finding a dancing partner, but I am pretty shy. I am not the Alpha male I claim I am . I get nervous and freak out. It's like when I ask a girl to dance I feel like she thinks I want to sleep with her, which are not my intentions. The alcoholic thinking , I have is this. Like I said I have not even tried the bar scene in so many years, I rememberer from experiences that is how I felt. I can't tell a girls age but I would probably go for the 20 year old cause she is cute and get a "Your as old as my father " look. I can't judge age, so maybe I should go for the older looking girls and not risk any rejection,because I don't like rejection.

It's a new thing I am into right now in finding one to love. I guess I must be really needing this , as it has been hitting my head lately. Wish Me luck. Christopher Hyer

Alcoholic and Using Words To a Better Life

As a recovered alcoholic , I have read several books on self -help for everything I can to help me with anxieties to living life sober. I did have a book call Persuasion Techniques and Using Words. I found this very enlightening as the words we say make a negative and positive effect on whom we speak to and how someone might take the words we speak.

Its interesting to me that how negative words can be taken out of context and other findings I found on words. It is like when you say "How are you doing today?" That is very common, and the usual answer is doing fine. However we are really not communicating our true feelings we are just giving the answer that is easily out of our mouths. You might have just yelled at your spouse and your having a crappy day but you don't want to get into all that with a complete stranger. . Positive and negative words are very interesting to look up and read about. What is a word anyway? Got you on that one, I don't have a dictionary and I don't want to look it up right now. That would be negative in a sense

 that I just don't want to tell you cause I really don't care to do a search on google and then write a paragraph on this subject.

I just thought I would throw in my two cents on words today and if you find a book about words and what you tell yourself with these words , I think you will find yourself maybe saying words that either upset other people or make even yourself fel bad with the words that you use on a daily basis. Being positive in a recovering system is what life is all about is where I am going with this. Like I said I write this for me, and anyone that reads this blog , is fine with me. This is my journal and I think I will watch my words. lol Christopher Hyer

Gambling and Alcohol Addiction " They go hand in hand"

I am perfect by no means. What I am going to point out to myself on here is that yes, I have addiction problems. I'm addicted to sex, gambling and was addicted to alcohol. I heard a speaker at my Treatment Center named Chris Raymer , and he goes on to say that we all have that little pleasure person inside us called the "Issue Man" The "Issue Man" Loves pleasure we get from drugs alcohol, sex, gambling anything that gives us a high. This part of our body craves our addiction and will tell us to get more of it. Controlling the :Issue Man " is near impossible for the recovering addict. However that is where the 12 steps come in to say , hey stop the insanity and let us get with the program; Chris. I do alright for a while then I fall back into gambling , I know the value of money, but I also know the rush I get from hitting a jackpot. They are almost the exact same except I don't get the same type of hangover with gambling as I did with alcohol. I do get a hangover from gambling especially if I have lost a lot of money. I feel terrible, and shameful , gutted, and stupid.

Yes, gambling produces a high like nonother I can think of. It is time-consuming and with the laughs and crowd, it can be most enjoyable to thiose of us who don't have anything else to do with our time. I drive 100 miles almost evry weekend to go gamble and I win at times , but lose more than win. Until I accept this for what it is, it might get worse, and I better watch out. I am on alert to this problem , and I thought I could control it, and I did but this last weekend I blew my whole paycheck, so out of control for me.

Beware of your addictions and how to manage them or do without them. Use the 12 steps to get out of something that may be ruining your life or taking your hard earned money. I know from experience that when I do wrong , I feel it. Nothing is worth going back to drinking for me , and I will have to deal with this addiction when I am serious about working it. It is just like an alcoholic, gambling is . You need to know when to stop or it will catch your ass when you are not looking. Hope this helps you as I hope it helps me. Christopher Hyer

Time and the Alcoholic

Time, when we are awake and have a holiday or a weekend day off for an alcoholic can be a little unusual. In Midland, Texas there is no lakes for miles or mountains for miles and really not much in entertainment except for  eating out, or going to a movie. I have done both for the last 8 years and I have to say it gets boring. I might just be relaxed and with nothing to do, I get a little confused.I don't think about drinking or smoking but I do wonder what the hell to do. I drive  at least 1500 miles a week with the company I am with and the last thing I want to do is go for a ride. I use to paint a little bit here and there but I found this boring in itself. I am alone most of the time I am off, I don't date anymore. I have not found anyone I would even consider dating at my age of 53 in this town. I have looked, believe me I am on every singles sight there is that is free and no one appeals to me. A few ladies do appeal to me, but I have these chat sessions and they get boring really quick because I know where they are heading, to the next time I chat with them. lol

I'm not saying that life alone is boring , but at times, it can be. Maybe that means I need to change up my program a little bit. I go to enough AA meetings a week, and that is not the answer. To be honest with myself I don't want to hang out with a bunch of recovered drunks every day of my life. I like to break away from the social sobriety thing and just do my own thing. With so many years of drinking and being alone, I am glad I am sober at least for one more day and that is how I justify my boredom. I would sit at home with a hangover almost daily and have an excuse to be bored then. I now am sober and almost do the same thing as when I was drinking. I must find an activity that will give me a rush to do on days off. I will work on this possibly as I get tired of movies at home and yet I am 53 and most people my age, I am not sure what the hell they do except for rest on their day off. Hell, I only had one day off from work and I'm talking about boredom. Christopher Hyer