Sunday, May 29, 2016

Non-Drunk Memorial Day and Socially Sober

It's been a while since I have written. I do this blog for my own journal anyway, so when I look back over the future, I can see how much I have grown or resisted growth. However you are welcome to review my blog post and make comments.

Its Sunday night in Midland, Texas and it is Memorial Day on Monday, in which we have so many Veterans that are young and old that have made the USA free with the work in our military. God bless them and hopefully we can bring home a few thousand more young people home with thier families. That is what life is about , is family living and not war. I think our political system seems to split this up especially during the election year. Let's bring our brothers and sisters home where they belong.

Staying sober today is no different than it was last week or eight years ago for me. I do stay sober for a reason. The main reason is I do not want to feel bad the next day. When drinking and smoking pot , at night usually , I was very happy and content I thought. However ,now that it has been 8 years of complete sobriety, it is just normal for me to be sober on any given day. That is a great obstacle I have overcome over the time of being sober, and I hope if you have a drinking problem you will realize that this can happen to you also. It takes a little bit of work on your part and a lot of spiritual work on God's part to stay sober, but once you have it, sobriety will stay with you as long as you will it to be.

I am not feeling like I am missing out on anything right now, I worked today and I have lots of hours in overtime, and this makes me happy. I have other problems besides worrying about drinking today , that the urge to have alcohol is not even a option. I will celebrate with the 12 step group at the PDAP building in Midland, Texas on Wed at 7:30 PM of this week. So if anyone is local , please say you saw my blog and I will be happy to know you.I have no idea of what I will say as my sobriety is due to so many things in my life. From AA Meetings to the spirit of god I pray to everyday to my family being happy I am alive and living without alcohol and pot. That should be enough, as some of the speaker meetings can go on and on. I will not talk about certain things in my life, but I am really an open book when I am at these meetings and I believe that most in my group know my circumstances.

Why do we talk about the past, I guess it is to remember where we came from and how the fight to keeping sober for so long is accomplished to those who cannot even think about being sober for a day. I know I was one of these people, and yet after several treatment centers and breaking so many hearts. I did stay sober this time for myself. It has paid off with love and material things that I have worked for. I live in a nice large house and have a loving puppy that loves me to pieces. I just hope that I can keep on staying sober for one day at a time like I have. That is all it really takes is AA Meetings and believing that you can make it one day at a time until the obsession goes away and it will. Well,thats about all I have to say, back to watching a movie and having a pizza. Goodnight. Christopher Hyer

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I get Bored AT Times being Sober

AT times I get pretty bored in between work and at home. I like being home but , I have exhausted my old hobbies with music and art. I find that the time I kill now is laying on the couch and watching a movie with my eyes closed, cause I am tired. Funny thing is I use to do the same thing when I was drinking . Except now , I am not. I don't wake up with the room spinning and I don't feel bad. Maybe a little bit depressed and wondering if I should do something new with my living situation. Midland, Texas is a boring town. No Lakes or mountains to gaze at and the only place to go out at night is AA, a restaurant, or bar. Being single my choices are very limited, I use to look forward to going to work. Now this is getting boring. I have been to more AA meetings and I enjoy these, but while I work I can't really attend these and that would be a cruch in a way.

AA cannot rule my life just guide it. I would get bored from going to a meeting every hour on the hour or every day for that matter. So Chris has to come up with an alternative to keep busy when I am at home beside looking at porn on the internet. lol..Really I don't look at that much porn..but in reality I do have to find a book I guess and start reading something. I watched a movie with Robert Deniro last night called the Intern. See it if you have not , it is a new release, but it pretty much is about a guy who is 70 and gets a job with a Google type company run by 20 something kids. It is funny and it is reality. He stays busy with yoga and other things , but it was good for me to see this show. Oh well I will report on what happens to me , right now I am just trying to get through each day, seems to be getting a little tougher than before, not sure whats up. I think its the boredom.Chris

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Happiness With Staying Sober Socially

I have been in a rut the last few weeks, and I think I might of found a way around my glum. I work on call 7 days a week and I was getting burned out from my job. My attitude was changing , I really was not caring about myself or the job. I think people call this burnout.

Well for me I started to think about smoking pot again and then I knew I was in trouble, so I went to an AA meeting as soon as I could. Noticed that I was not making AA much during the week cause of my burnout period. SO I changed this and then I realized I was doing the best job I could and to make it a little more fun than I have been . I wake up early at 5 AM to start work and usually home by 3PM and I was getting slack in this area. I realize AA is a big deal but I was too bored and tired to go to AA meetings lately . I was slowly sinking and realized that my job is not my life, but it has to be a part of my daily living if I want money.

SO change again, I am now making sure I put some fun into my work and that I try to take different mind games so as to not dread waking up in the mornings. I hope I can stay positive, I am coming up on 8 years on May 21st of this month and i felt really down.

I guess I just have to understand that Im not that important but my well being is. I cannot drink nor will I . But that sick thinking comes into play at times when I am too bored or depresssed> maybe some of you out there have felt this way. There is a way out of the boredom and that is getting involved with projects like gardening or whatever. I will report later on what I have done, but to realize this and to take action now is most important..Chris

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Sobriety and Having a Dog?

There is something to be said about having my Labrador Retriever as my friend and companion . I highly recommend getting an animal such as a dog that you can love when going through sobriety. The animal unconditionally loves you all the time. I have had Abbey my puppy for over threee years and she is always there for me . In the tough times I can hug her and even when I feel like loving her I can, she loves being loved. I am single so this puppy has been my girlfriend and friend in life. I treat her like a human and she loves me for it.

Someone to love and love you back is important in sobriety. I still have not found Mrs. right for me, so the dog just does fine in my case. She does not complain ever or get sad, or tell me any lies. Love her to the moon. I have been doing ok recently , my new job has its moments but I finally got off this weekend and decided to write in my journal. I will have eight years sobriety in May 21st of this month. That is a long time for me. However if your reading this and only have one day , that also is a long time , as I remember this as it was yesterday.

I basically was talking to my puppy and figured this would be good information to put on my blog since I love my pupy so much and has brought me company when I had none. So run out and get yourself a pet and learn how to give and love giving to this animal. Chris 5/1/16

Monday, April 18, 2016

Social Sobriety and God Living

Living with God in your heart and mind is possible once you have been sober . You may have God in your heart right now, and not be sober, if so then great you are in a win , win situation if this is your case. I see many people run from t the word God when mentioned in AA meetings and I really don't know why. In church many of us as little children may have thought God was this mean person that would come down and damn us to hell for messing around when we knew we should of. A force greater than ourselves is what God is taught to be and he is. The mention of God in AA is to find a higher power greater than ourselves that will love us and protect us from evil and bad wrongs that we seem to do to ourselves. 

I have always had God in my heart but until I started going to meetings I never really understood how to use his powers to make my life more livable. Do you have this problem? It is not unusual to fear the unknown and the unseen person that has great and almighty powers. However when you see a tree and the leaves and veins in the leaves , you have to kind of think there must be some supreme leader that can make such a beautiful tree. I , am a believer in faith now and not before I sober up that I had such a belief. God fills us with joy and sorrow and he gives us the ability to do right or wrong. He gives us choices in life and we make the decisions whether to act on these choices. That is God given power and love to each and every one of us. 

Do not give up on God when things are wrong in your life, sure I have doubted him from time to time and this is not unusual but I always knew something good would happen after ward. I believe as a recovering addcit and drunk that I have to rely upon God for my sobriety and the steps of AA to keep the faith. Why not try and talk to God on your knees right now for what you need and want. The miracles do happen and they happen often. God Bless Chris

Sunday, April 17, 2016

2016 Sober Birthday Today

I turned 53 today on April 17th ,1963 and I tried to put together a trip , but just made a mess out of it. I am happy to be sober today and quite tired as I ended up going to Ruidoso, New Mexico on Saturday to celebrate my birthday by myself. I also played at the casino on my trip and did not win a thing. I went through ton of money and nothing hit on the one armed bandits. I usually do pretty good, but I have come to the conclusion that my hard earned money was not worth losing to a machine in a mattter of minutes. I had booked a hotel room as Ruidoso is about a 5-hour drive from Midland, Texas. When I was finished losing all my money, I checked in and then laid down for a moment, and checked out. I drove all the way back last night. Foolish as it was, because I was tired, I wanted to be home on Sunday. Addiction is always with the recovered alcoholic. whether it is sex addiction or gambling addiction , we have that personality that over comes us in some things we do. I can't seem to do things in moderation. This has been a ongoing problem since I have been sober.

Money problems have plagued me. It is no different than the alcoholic who has a drinking addiction, and if I don't stop gambling then I will have another problem as I already have this issue. I am blessed in that I am not completely broke from my escapade, but I hit myself hard and my credit cards are getting maxed out. I really want what I want when I want it. Obsessive Compulsive disorder to an extent. I am not sad , however, cause thing swill work out with the help of God and a little more control over my spending habits. It is simple just do not spend on stuff I cannot afford. The alcoholic who has to have everything , is a crazy person. I am a little crazy in this aspect.

I met a woman online from years back from High School and I was meaning to go visit her in Bryan < Texas. Decisions on not meeting her were maybe not sound. I thought after talking to her that she drank every night. She seemed quite drunk every time I spoke to her, so I decided not to go and see her because I did not want to deal with her issues. However, her issues may be unfounded, and maybe she was just tired, I don't or should not question a person if they are a drunk until I have met them. I could of been wrong, and I made up the excuse not to come and see her. I hope I don't live to regret this decision.I am lonely for sex, and love and a relationship, could she be the one? I don't really know yet. Life is very confusing when you know someone but from a long time ago.

Well life goes on today, and one more day for God to direct me in the right direction. I paused this part of the blog to run a few errands, and to go see my mother , and it was good. Sobriety has it's advantages and there a lot of people that would dis agree with me, and a few that would agree with me. When you run your life God driven like I have or have tried, the perspective on your future is good and relations with people are better than when I drank. Ask your self, would you be better off sober socially or not? Would it make a change in you and would it be positive. It has been for me, even though I question sobriety at points in my life, am I missing out on drining parties and going out to the bars? I am not going to test this theory out. God Bless

Monday, April 4, 2016

Its Been s Sober time lately

It is April of 2016, and I have had a great new month witha new position in life, and my sobriety is well in tact with myself. I had planned a trip[ on my birthday which is on April the 17th to Las Vegas, but I did not feel right going by myself, so I lost a few hundred on this trip. You sometimes have to lose a little to gain self-confidence in why you are sober. I did some soul searching and I decided that Vegas was not right for me in the long run. I love to gamble but the drinking that goes on there and being by myself did not settle with em right now. So I have canceled the trip and I am heading to the mountains of New Mexico , and staying at a lodge where it is beautiful. I plan to take my photography equipment and take some pretty shots of the area, with the weather being so warm in Texas, and cooler in New Mexico.

I have to slow down when things start going in a positive direction , because I have the disease of alcoholism. I know that sounds like a cop out but I have lived sober for eight years in a row now on May of this year. I will do nothing that will provoke my sober state of mind. God has seen me through some tough times and I feel he test us at times to see what we will do next.

My job is not stressful, which is what I needed, it does require me to work weekends at times and I have to accept this , however I am single and I have nothing else to do but watch TV and I make overtime. That is why I have not written in so long. I have been pulling 60 hour weeks and to me that is a lot of driving with work and trouble shooting. I wish all who are struggling with drugs or alcohol that they can see that you can have a good and fullfilling life but you do have to take action and not put it off. You have to go to meetings of AA and you have to believe in God the spirit. If not you may be doomed. I know for me I have to do these things , and practice these steps in all I do in life to manage who I am and whom I will turn out to be in my older years. I will be 53 this month. I grew a beard so I would fit in with work and fellow employees, however no one really enticed me to do this, It is just different for me, and I like change to an extent. So please listen here, God will make your dreams come true. I am a witness to this, but you can shoot yourself down. Try to stay positive and stop drinking or stay sober and enjoy the world for what it is , and not for what it is not..Have a Blessed Day ...Christopher 4.4.2016